You Don’t Look Like a Gamer: On Toxicity, Gatekeeping, and Women Who Share Their Gaming Lives Online (my article)

6 months ago by PerfectDark to c/games

Today's article was just a short one, and engaging in what makes everyone roll their eyes: seeing something happen on Reddit and writing an article about it.

To cut it short:

Billie Eilish (famous singer) uploaded a picture of her old Nintendo DSi in gallery of images, to her Instagram account
Someone shared that on Reddit
Half of the comment section slid straight into shitty gamer dude Hell (the other half did not)
Some man on Mastodon attacked me
Post removed from Reddit when moderators spotted the comments

...this is a fast-forward of the oddness, but if you want to read over my ramble here, and see some shittiness, the link will help:

https://gardinerbryant.com/...

I see this shit all the time, and it is not only exhausting, but something no one should see (no matter their identity) should be subjected to. Anyway, read on if you'd like!

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anna 40 points 6 months ago

You know, growing up I always thought it was super odd for the 'gamer guys' I knew to talk about gaming as a hobby that boys and men are into by default and girls, and especially women, just wouldn't understand.

They mentioned or assumed it so casually in all kinds of contexts, as if it was just a fact about the world everyone knew or agreed upon.

Meanwhile, most of my girl (and later, women) friends played games. And not just the type of games the guys would look down upon, like mobile games, but established major gaming franchises like Final Fantasy, SimCity or Legend of Zelda. They wrote fan-fiction about Sephiroth, they snuck their little DS lite under the school desk to finish a section of Majora's Mask, or they spent weeks at a time meticulously crafting a storyboard in Sims 2. I never understood why the cultural image of gaming at the same time only included guys and maaybe one pick-me-esque 'gamer girl', when most girls and women around me actually were super into some games.

I eventually realised that these 'gamer guys' just never interacted with the girls I knew. Their entire world view came from the internet, from movies and other cultural sources. That was an eye-opener.

It makes me angry and sad to see games with a traditionally female userbase, such as The Sims, to be lumped into 'casual' genres, when I never knew a single Sims player who had a casual relationship with that game. They were typically much more intense about these games and fandoms than your average male FIFA/Call of Duty/Battlefield players, but the latter count as 'real gamers'. It's really just misogyny.

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Cypher 6 points 5 months ago

It has been a strange and long ride for me in gaming, one of my fondest early memories of gaming is playing coop Diablo 1 on a PS1 late at night with (the horror) a girl.

Then we had a healthy CSGO server with several women/girls who played with us. One of them married one of the lads.

WoW was nearly half populated by women from the start. Two of the women I raided with married blokes they met in our raids.

Yet somehow the myth that women don’t game has persisted.

It’s almost like the people who believe that are so hostile to women that any women in online spaces will avoid outing themselves to avoid the inevitable harassment.

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christian 5 points 5 months ago

It makes me angry and sad to see games with a traditionally female userbase, such as The Sims, to be lumped into ‘casual’ genres, when I never knew a single Sims player who had a casual relationship with that game. They were typically much more intense about these games and fandoms than your average male FIFA/Call of Duty/Battlefield players, but the latter count as ‘real gamers’.

This is a really good point and it makes me realize that "casual" as a genre translates pretty well to "games stereotyped towards women". I'd go as far as to say most modern video games can be played casually, but if we actually put the bar at games that aren't intended to be played otherwise we're looking at freecell.

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boonhet 3 points 6 months ago

Growing up, that whole stereotype was actually accurate in my class at least, which of course caused me to also believe it was this way until later in life. Girls here would at most play sims. Most boys would play various iterations of Need for Speed, Runescape and Counter Strike (1.6 of course), with the nerdier ones (me included) playing a bunch of other things too. Pretty much every boy played something.

I've since gotten to know several gamer girls, but literally all of them from other towns in my later life, none from my old school days. Which makes me think there was some localized girl gamer shaming going on, but I'm not sure it was from the boys in this case, it always felt like some of the more popular girls in school saw gaming as something infantile and therefore their clique just didn't do it, or didn't talk about it. Wouldn't be surprised if some of the more quiet girls played a bunch of vidya and just never talked about it though.

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anna 15 points 6 months ago

Perhaps they just did not share their hobbies and interests with you at the time. Were any of them actually close friends with you?

None of the girls and women I know who are into gaming are really 'obvious' about it to strangers, partly because of the stigma and the resulting interactions you'd get, and partly because there just isn't too much to talk about that you can't already talk about online in your communities. Especially if most reactions to your gaming hobby you'd get from boys would be ridicule, weird creepiness and/or condescension. We usually kept it to ourselves.

Besides, if they played games like The Sims, it's pretty obvious they were really into gaming. Sims is an incredibly complex and time-consuming hobby for most people – modding, worldbuilding projects, family legacies that take hundreds of hours of playtime. I know not a single Sims-playing woman who is not at least temporarily obsessed with that game, hasn't modded it to shreds and hasn't spent a three-digit amount of money on its expansions.

I'd say that the average Need for Speed gamer is a much more casual gamer than a Sims player. But because the latter are mostly women, we were treated with the same condescending "it's a kid's toy" type attitude boys actually thought we had toward their games.

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Taleya 2 points 5 months ago

Now it's CoD bros thinking anything else isn't real gaming.

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