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StarryPhoenix97 51 points 2 months ago

Matching freaks is hard.

Kink is a spectrum, and I haven't been exploring it for a few years, but from what I remember, the various communities of kink are always mismatched.

There are always more straight-sub-men than there are straight-dom-women. This compounds when you realize that usually those sub men are looking for certain types of play that the doms aren't into. Dommy mommies and such.

Like, I think of the feminization community. It's hard to find people who like feminization, but DON'T also like cuck play, or race-cuck play, which to me is gross but is a major aspect of that community for many.

Non-binary and Lesbians seemed to do okay though. At least in my city.

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AngryCommieKender 34 points 2 months ago

As a straight dom male, I can tell you that the inverse is also true. Straight sub women routinely want me to do stuff that isn't BDSM and is actual abuse. I blame the 50 shades of grey series at least in part for that.

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GhostFace 6 points 2 months ago

Straight sub women routinely want me to do stuff that isn’t BDSM and is actual abuse.

Give some examples?

I have very few restrictions when it comes to someone getting physical with me as long as it's not permanent. I have found plenty of doms lacking because they express discomfort in rougher kinks. Light bruising is not abuse for example although you should probably take your time and get to know me well enough so that you trust I'm not crazy and that I won't tell people you're battering me.

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AngryCommieKender 18 points 2 months ago

One lady wanted me to choke her till she passed out. Another lady wanted a bag over her head. Another asked me to "punch me and leave bruises while I cum." I could go on, but honestly it's kinda disturbing.

Then there are the people that confuse CNC with straight up rape. Rape fantasy is one thing. Asking me to organize a CNC "home breakin" with people that you specifically don't know and have never met isn't something I would have any idea how to do safely.

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GhostFace -1 points 2 months ago

The first few are fine?

The last one is where I would draw the line, even if it involved vetting people off of fetlife.

There's a difference between hard doms and soft doms. It sounds more like you're the second and I don't think that's a bad thing. Some of us genuinely enjoy being hit and choked and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It means we trust you enough to even ask at all. If it's not something you enjoy or feel comfortable doing that is also fine.

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rat 16 points 2 months ago

Choking someone until they pass out is absolutely not fine. That's extremely dangerous and will cause permanent harm. You shouldn't should never be anywhere NEAR the point of losing consciousness.

I know choking can feel good, but there's no safe way to do it aside from just putting your hand there and applying zero pressure. You're literally depriving your brain of oxygen.

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Malfeasant 2 points 2 months ago

I knew a guy in high school that choked himself out for fun, like he would devise techniques to make sure when he passed out the choking force would be removed, and he was trying to convince me to try it... No thanks, I'll just stick to drugs.

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GhostFace -3 points 2 months ago

I don't really have much to say besides calling you a coward. Obviously there's risk involved. That's part of the point.

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hirihit640 2 points 2 months ago

The problem is that people underestimate the risk. For many it's not worth the risk, they just don't realize it

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