How do people cope with their life being essential ruined and fucked up?

4 days ago by Valerie Ashborne to c/general

Not sure If this are right place for that (and sorry, while I do speak Englisch okay-isch, I am not native speaker), but this thoughts does make impossible to sleep at nights.

My life is taken really bad turn many years ago, and 5 years ago it become just broken.

I had my parents, my sibling, place where we lived. Everything was fine. Or I thought so.

My sibling for almost 2 whole years is... dead. There is nothing ceremonious about it. They are just... Dead.

I thought that I had wonderful parents. Even despite beating, screaming and other stuff that they told and done to me throughout the years. One of them just did not do much as parent. That resulted in many mental and physical issues, that I feel to this day.

I remember my hometown. It is now turned into rubbles. It was not great place, but I liked it.

As result of all of I left with only to move to different country, to start my life here instead.

But it is hard. Learning languages is hard. Trying to navigate this world is hard. And I do not have that much time to fix all of that.

I was always socially akward. It is hard for me. I have issues with both my body and my mind, my health. But I am mostly on my own now. With no idea how to proceed and how to deal with this pressure.

And all of that just makes me not wanting to sleep at night. Like now.

I keep thinking about that.

How go people deal with that?

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Dyskolos 4 points 4 days ago

First: sorry man. That all sucks hard.

But it is hard. Learning languages is hard. Trying to navigate this world is hard. And I do not have that much time to fix all of that.

Depending on where you wanna go, your English is already fine, so you would have no trouble in most European countries, as most of us speak it. The rest will come.

I was always socially akward. It is hard for me. I have issues with both my body and my mind, my health. But I am mostly on my own now. With no idea how to proceed and how to deal with this pressure.

I feel sorry for you. Life can suck. Without knowing where your destination is, I can only give hints for things I know work HERE (Germany). Like, get help! Professional and maybe some support-group. Maybe you're not "awkward" but just different. That's not bad.

I work voluntarily in a shelter for people who got fucked by life. Mostly by other people. I have heard my fair share of lifes going down the drain seemingly. But most actually do manage to live comfortably. With help.

How go people deal with that?

One universal help is: radical acceptance. Basically means: You cannot change some things, so dont waste your time worrying about them. Focus on what you CAN change and try to do it. Sounds simple, but isn't.

Hard to give better tips, not even knowing where you are right now and what your realistic options are.

Out of curiosity... Ukrainian?

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val_ash 3 points 4 days ago

First: sorry man. That all sucks hard

Danke :)

Depending on where you wanna go, your English is already fine, so you would have no trouble in most European countries, as most of us speak it. The rest will come.

I am in Germany. It seems Englisch is not something that is valued in any official place:( The Jobcenter is, probably, the worst of them all, when it comes to helping people who are not speaking Deutsch yet.

I once was trying to help my friend with first Termin in their Jobcenter, since they do not speak neither English nor Deutsch. Their Berator had good Englisch (at least by my standards) but she refused to drop her Deutsch for solid 10 minutes, even despite the fact they we did not understand 90 % of her words. Seems to be systematic issue :(

So it is either that or only learn this language, which appears to be quite the task... Aber ich liebe Deutschland.

Like, get help! Professional and maybe some support-group.

But I do not know where to find one, given my limited language knowledge (And while I speak 3 Sprache, neither of them is that valued here)..

That and just getting increasingly exhausted, especially Sprachkurs. Your language seems to be really complex and nuanced :(

I work voluntarily in a shelter for people who got fucked by life. Mostly by other people. I have heard my fair share of lifes going down the drain seemingly. But most actually do manage to live comfortably. With help.

Could you tell me more?

One universal help is: radical acceptance. Basically means: You cannot change some things, so dont waste your time worrying about them. Focus on what you CAN change and try to do it. Sounds simple, but isn't.

Huh.. You are the second person to tell me that. Or drei? Maybe i just never learned how to just... Accept things :( Being unable to fix something is scary...

Out of curiosity... Ukrainian?

Yep. For better or worse, but that who am I. Ich komme aus der Ukraine.

Hard to give better tips, not even knowing where you are right now and what your realistic options are.

Currently staying in Deutschland thanks to Paragraph 24, which, as far I understand, was extended today for Ukrainians.

And thank you... Vier? For replying and reading all of that. Vielen dank

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Dyskolos 1 point 3 days ago

I am in Germany. It seems Englisch is not something that is valued in any official place:( The Jobcenter is, probably, the worst of them all, when it comes to helping people who are not speaking Deutsch yet.

Ok, valued much it might not be, but at least it's largely understood. With ukranian or polish you'd be in a lot more trouble :-) And the jobcenter is worse for everyone, so it's not YOU. They don't help ANYONE. At least they're more careful with you, as you could always play the racism!-card.

I once was trying to help my friend with first Termin in their Jobcenter, since they do not speak neither English nor Deutsch. Their Berator had good Englisch (at least by my standards) but she refused to drop her Deutsch for solid 10 minutes, even despite the fact they we did not understand 90 % of her words. Seems to be systematic issue :(

That I can, at least, explain. They must not speak anything else than Deutsch, even if they could be fluent in ukranian. I know someone who works there and he told me HAD to speak german with a polish person that didn't speak german, despite him being polish too and speaking native tongue. They're just not allowed to and can get in big trouble if they would. Sounds stupid, but welcome to germany. We value rules, even if they make not much sense :-)

So it is either that or only learn this language, which appears to be quite the task… Aber ich liebe Deutschland.

Ich nicht :-) But it could be worse. It's complaining on a high level. Learning the language sure helps. At least the very basics. But despite official places, you'll get far with english, so be glad you're not screwed language-wise. Everyone beyond 60 or so is probably decent enough in english.

But I do not know where to find one, given my limited language knowledge (And while I speak 3 Sprache, neither of them is that valued here)… That and just getting increasingly exhausted, especially Sprachkurs. Your language seems to be really complex and nuanced :(

Yeah, finding help here is hard. Especially since the last years with the large influx of, cough cough migrants :-) Two things you could try that will probably help:

https://www.116117.de/

A bit of luck, pertinence and patience will get you an appointment. Maybe not your first choice, but it's in english and also ukranian. Most psychologists do speak english, though i dunno if they would actually help you with that. But worth trying!

Or...depending on how urgent you really need help. Like before doing anything silly, you can always go to the next hospital that has a psychiatric ambulance. Bring time, probably. They have to take you and might help you further.

As for german, yeah i imagine it being superhard with all the der-die-das and shit. Native speakers often also struggle, so...

Could you tell me more?

Hmm...not with going into details. I don't work anymore, so that's something i wanna do. Not everyone in this shitty world is lucky to live a good life. So those kinda like have to help these less fortunate. What I do is offering help for selected people to accompany them when they find noone else (and could not pay), or just need an open ear to listen. Or just practical stuff. I'm already a very bitter misanthropist, so none of the horrifying stories could shock me anymore. Pedophilia, slavery, torture, violence, rape, war, all together...i hear it nearly daily.

Huh… You are the second person to tell me that. Or drei? Maybe i just never learned how to just… Accept things :( Being unable to fix something is scary…

It is scary. of course. But also completely out of your abilities. So every second lamenting on how you could not do anything, just accepting the fact that you can't. Yes, sounds simple. Too simple. But isn't. That takes time, and maybe professional help. Radical acceptance is a coping skill in Dialectical Behavior therapy (DBT): acknowledging reality as it is, including painful facts and feelings, rather than spending energy insisting it shouldn’t be happening. "Radical" here means accepting it fully. with your thoughts, emotions, and body. It can reduce the extra suffering that comes from fighting what you can’t change.

Yep. For better or worse, but that who am I. Ich komme aus der Ukraine.

Couldn't say why but your english grammar "sounded" russian or ukranian, but as you wouldn't dare to move here as a russian, the probability was very high for the latter :-) So welcome to Krautland. Yes, §24 is correct. Are you allowed to stay or is it just some temporary stuff? I have no practical experience how this is handled here.

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val_ash 1 point 3 days ago

Ok, valued much it might not be,

hehe, I think I am starting to notice when people speak English when they are Deutsch speaker. Once there was case when person was writing all nouns with big letter, which is valid in Deutsch, but not English.

They don't help ANYONE.

Yeah.. At the very least, in my current Jobcenter they offer translators. But there was funny situation. They use Skype for voice and video, and one time they tried to call translator, and it did not worked, and she said "Skype ist kaputt", which is funny way to say that something does not function.

Sounds stupid, but welcome to germany. We value rules, even if they make not much sense :-)

We actually have similar law, that officials, workers, etc should serve clients in Ukrainian, but if someone want to, then can ask to speak in Russian, which is not big deal.

Well, until 2022. Not because laws has changed, but because asking someone to speak Russian might be considering quite rude, if they speak Ukrainian.

Ich nicht :-)

The burocracy is definitely... Uh... Much worse here. In several months here I got more papers documents here, then I got in my entire life in Ukraine. And everything is very slow and confusing.

But in general? It is definitely much much better that I had in past. Which, probably, say more about my past, then about Germany, but eh. I do not have much choice now anyway, so it is either that or become bloody mushy puddle somewhere under Kramatorsk.

Huh, that is sound really worse then I initially though.

As for german, yeah i imagine it being superhard with all the der-die-das and shit. Native speakers often also struggle, so...

The thing is with German language is... How everything is... Not intuitive and relies on either remembering EVERYTHING or remembering bunch of weird rules that sometimes can help you. Like Tags are he, all times of day is he, except Nacht... It is she...

Like... Ukrainian or Russian is, probably, might be even more complex with all of their stupid concepts, especially punctuation with comas. Like, you could easily build quite simple sentence, and almost every word in it should be separated by comas, because there is reason to why.

For example, this languages are also gendered, so nouns also can be he, she, it, which also affects many parts of language. In fact, gender affects not only conjunctions and other related words, but even verbs!

So, for example, if you wanted to ask "Was hat du heute gemacht?", you can say only that. You can say that to him, her, it. While in both Russian and Ukrainian it will be: "Що ти сьогодні робила?" — for her as you "Що ти сьогодні робив?" — for him as you "Що ти сьогодні робило?" — for it as you. It not used that much, but it exists.

But the thing is... It is more obvious and depends on one simple rule?

For example, to get gender of word you can add simple possessive article "mine", and just listen, if it sounds natural or not.

"Мій яблуко" — Meinen Apfel — it is sounds wrong. "Моя яблуко" — Meine Apfel — this sounds Aldo wrong. "Моє яблуко" — Mein Apfel — this sounds correct.

You could, of course, do it in hard way and learn them one by one. Or do as in Deutsch, where you can learn that all Tags are he, -ung is always she, and so on. But this is very horrific way to do so, even if you are native speaker.

It is especially useful, since many words do not share same gender in Ukrainian and Russian, but the principle stays the same.

With this simple "test" you can quickly deduce gender of a word, even if you see it in the first time in your life.

And do not mention conjunction of an words... Articles in Deutsch and that is my biggest nemesis.

Couldn't say why but your english grammar "sounded" russian or ukranian

Yep, this is typical for us. Probably, the biggest give away is that many of us forget about existence of articles. Since we do not have this concept — it is very unnatural to use them since we have hard time grasping when would we even need them, especially in something like English.

You could never use them, when talking to Ukraninan or Russian, and they will understand you perfectly, while English or German speaker will, most likely, start to lose mind.

Or they use so, god, damn, much comas.

but as you wouldn't dare to move here as a russian

Well... There is quite high amount of Russians who are here, but it us mostly because they are kids of parents who moved to Germany when USSR stopped being a thing. At least, UT seems to be true for Berlin and, probably, some eastern States, like Brandenburg and so on.

Are you allowed to stay or is it just some temporary stuff?

It is temporary, until Germany might decide to stop extending 24 paragraph for Ukrainians. They already extended it up to 2028 couple days, but added new rule that you do not have right for 24 paragraph unless you have a proof that you do not have military "obligation" in Ukraine.

Which, practically speaking, means that you would not be able to escape at all. At least, not alive or with all limbs intact.

And really bad thing about this paragraph is that time, that you spent here, is not counted toward getting right for citizenship.

Currently, as far I remember, you need to live here at least 5 years to even be allowed to attempt try to become citizen. You can speak the most fluent C1 Deutsch, know everything about politics, history, but since you do not have required 5 years — you can not.

You need to switch to different paragraphs, like work visa, marrying citizen, and so on for days to start counting.

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Dyskolos 1 point 2 days ago

Once there was case when person was writing all nouns with big letter,

Oh yes, that's surely one indicator for us :-)

but if someone want to, then can ask to speak in Russian, which is not big deal.

AFAIK russian isn't much different from ukranian, yes? Like czech+slovak or german+dutch

The thing is with German language is… How everything is… Not intuitive and relies on either remembering EVERYTHING

Oh yeah. These rules are SO dumb and make NO sense. Female chair? male table? WTF? who came up with this shit... I would really like for it to go away. English is so much more simple.

“Skype ist kaputt”

It's a funny word :) But german itself sounds like two machine-guns having sex. it's not a beautiful language. Though ukranians sound like they're constantly fighting with each other too. Like Thai :-)

While in both Russian and Ukrainian it will be: “Що ти сьогодні робила?” — for her

Heck, that's equally weird and would probably be hard to remember learning either. I once wanted to learn russian, but already gave up at kyrillic. I just suck at languages. Learned japanese 30yrs ago and already forgot 99,9% because i never actually needed it.

With this simple “test” you can quickly deduce gender of a word,

And yet, it's still very random :-) But a decent approximation i guess...

Well… There is quite high amount of Russians who are here

Actually, before the war, I rarely ever heard russian anywhere. So i thought the russians in germany are probably as many as e.g. asians. Now it's really VERY common in the cities to hear either russian or ukranian (can't distinguish, but most likely ukranian, obviously) Maybe there are but they all learned decent-ish german by now and hence you'd notice less obvious.

It is temporary, until Germany might decide to stop extending 24 paragraph for Ukrainians.

Ugh. Currently, considering all the brutal changes the stupid government introduces, i wouldn't wonder :-(

unless you have a proof that you do not have military “obligation” in Ukraine

So, you can stay if you are actively drafted in UA? or NOT drafted?

You need to switch to different paragraphs, like work visa, marrying citizen, and so on for days to start counting.

Weird. So you're not worthy of being german unless you just marry one? How logical :-)

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val_ash 1 point 2 days ago

AFAIK russian isn't much different from ukranian, yes? Like czech+slovak or german+dutch

Well.. Kind of, yes. General structure is similar, although words from Ukrainian can become quickly very alien to Russian. In that regard, Ukrainian will be more close to Polish or, funnily enough, to Deutsch. Turn out, we use quite a lot words from it, or, at the very least, words from same source.

Words like Farbe, Ziel, words with Blitz, and so on. Even some sentence structure was making sense there, but not in Russian.

But yes.

English is so much more simple.

Honestly, I really do enjoy English in many regards. Many things just not a thing there. (At least, not in modern English anyway). They do not even have different "you" anymore. Like, no "Sie" (as in "Groß person", as our teacher loved to explain), no "du", no "ihr". (We also have this, but we have "combined" 'Sie' and 'Ihr' into same thing for the most part, "Ви".), just you. And maybe added "You two/people" or "Your Highness" if you need to address them in different manner.

Or the fact that, while they do technically have grammatical gender, it almost never affect the grammatical part of language. Like, almost everything, that are not living person is "it". Or it is living thing with known gender (dog is "it" unless specified if it is "she" or "he").

And that is it.

It's a funny word :)

It is funny for us (at least, I think so) because we use this word as "universal" word that can be used in many different situation, good or bad.

For example, you might be familiar with "suka" or "blyat" or "pisdez" or "ahuenno". They fill similar niche. Or "fuck" in English.

Which makes it funny, since instead of forming an entire complex sentence to express your feeling about some situation... You say one word (which is also very short) and everyone understand you perfectly.

once wanted to learn russian, but already gave up at kyrillic

There are some useless letters, I would tell you that. Letters like "Ё", which essentially sounds like "йо", and only small amount of some words even use this letter. "Ёлка" (evergreen tree) or "Ёжик" (hedgehog), however many people white it as "Ежик" or "Елка" and they fine with that.

Or "ъ". I present you with... "Hard symbol" (exist in Russian only). It is opposite or "ь" (exist in both Ukrainian and Russian), which is "soft symbol", which supposed to make words sounds softer. It supposed to make word sound more... Uh, harder?

Hard as in you going on with you day, but then you hit some really hard rock with your leg on your way and fall.

"Объявление" (announcement, notice) — reads as "ob-(short, immediate pause)-iawlenie".

Some might even consider "я" to be useless. It is almost never possible to properly latinize, and it sounds essentially as "йа".

"Ы" — while not useless is... Just weird letter. It is impossible to latinize (as far I am aware — Latin does not have anything close to this letter) and it sounds like you are caveman who just saw easy pray and you started to scream to your fellow cavemans to signal that information to them.

But you, probably, referring to cursive writing and it is... Well, many letters written in very similar way.

There was this meme floating around, when someone lose their mind over learning Cyrillic and they wrote word "шиншилла".

https://en.wikipedia.org/...

This is real thing, that many letters written in this very round way. Compared to Latin, where many letters very different to write.

And yet, it's still very random :-) But a decent approximation i guess...

I would say that grammatical gender on itself is crap, but since we can not just throw it out overnight, might as well have some easy tool to easy the pain of using language.

Maybe there are but they all learned decent-ish german by now and hence you'd notice less obvious.

I would say, that many of them, in fact, never really learned German. Not because they can not, but because they do not see this as necessity. They just usually were living in their own "places" and not interacting much with locals. E.g. only visiting Russian speaking doctors, barbers, schools, works and befriending only their fellow 'comrades' who also speak Russian.

I think there was number of around 1 million Ukrainians in Germany as of now, so this places are overfilled, and so more people have to hang out with locals as result of that.

Ugh. Currently, considering all the brutal changes the stupid government introduces, i wouldn't wonder :-(

Yep. I would say it might be especially harder in states where anti-immigration governments might win.

I think, as early as March of this east, Germany tried to cut free integration and language courses for people who want by themselves, but then later they kind of reversed this decision, but cut down available "slots" in half or more.

Nothing has changed for "" forced"" courses, however. For example, if your Jobcenter says that you must start going to courses until set Termin, then they pay for it. But even then, it is tricky system. They, usually, give you courses without problems if this is your first time, and only up to B1 level. If you would not be able to get B1, then they might refuse new courses application, and this is not that uncommon.

Typical language course in most schools consistent of 8 months. In this short timespan they cramp your brain up to B1 level, usually 3 hours a day, from Monday to Friday. And this is for German language. If it would had been English — sure, maybe 8 months is enough to get decent language skills. But German?

I am barely remembering correct articles, correct conjugations for verbs, "position zwei" or "eins", numbers, audition, and we already doing Partizip 2, past form, and that is not to mention other stuff.

And that is me. My English knowledge helps me quite a lot, since rules there are quite similar. But mine colleagues who does not English as I do? They doing even worse.

And that not to mention that not everyone is... uh... Sharpest tool in a shed. Not everyone can look on a Tafel and be "oh, yeah, this is piece of cake". I am certainly not.

So, I expect that I might not get B1. Not the first time, anyway.

For more then B2, you need to provide strong reason why you need this course. And if Jobcenter would not consider this to be a strong reason (or today's berator was in bad mood), then you might get refusal.

So, you can stay if you are actively drafted in UA? or NOT drafted?

In my case, I am not affected. Everyone who want to get 24, starting from 9 October, they need to have proof that they "done their military duties". However, they stopped accepting all man from getting 24 around in Juni of this year. I guess, they did not had proper law in place to refuse before. This is not required for people who got here BEFORE that time.

However, I am still affected (but this is less about Germany, but about Ukraine), because in case if, for example, I need to update passport (or I will lose it), or get new documents, or bank, then it will be a problem, since most of things things are only available inside country or, in case of getting documents, they want to make sure that you are not "in search" for mobilisation, and if you are, you can simply return back, do your things, and be back :) (Which means you will be trapped inside afterward).

Weird. So you're not worthy of being german unless you just marry one? How logical :-)

Sadly, it works in a similar way almost everywhere :( It is just now I have essentially 2 ways. Either somehow get citizenship here, or return back where I will die.

When you asked and got protection in one EU country, others might refuse to do so, simply referring to "well, you already got protection, so get out". Which is bad, because there is almost not countries in the world where you can freely be infinitely when you are Ukrainian. Most require valid visa. Only with EU we have 90 days visa-free access, and I already "spent" them, so if I ever going to lose my German 24 paragraph, without getting different one (like work visa, marrying, etc) — I will be refused to even enter any other EU country. Except, of course, for deportation or returning back on my own free will.

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Dyskolos 1 point a day ago

grammatical gender on itself is crap,

True!

I would say, that many of them, in fact, never really learned German. Not because they can not, but because they do not see this as necessity.

I thought this mostly applies to our far-east-immigrants, they segregate and want their own culture but with german privileges not in their own repressive state. I actually know more russians online than i've ever met here, so i have no educated opinion on their desire to segregate :-)

Yep. I would say it might be especially harder in states where anti-immigration governments might win.

Totally. Sadly we only know total-racism or total-liberal-bullshit. No sensible middle ground. I have nothing against migrants, but i have a lot against a very special kind. You're not allowed to voice such thoughts, you're instantly a nazi.

then they might refuse new courses application, and this is not that uncommon.

yeah, that sure does sound like germany and their horrible institutions with borked "logic".

I think there was number of around 1 million Ukrainians in Germany as of now, so this places are overfilled, and so more people have to hang out with locals as result of that.

Surely. At first i would probably feel safest with other germans too if i would emigrate. Btw, you hate russians per se now? All russians i am in contact with have absolutely no problem with ukranians and despise the stupid war.

Typical language course in most schools consistent of 8 months. In this short timespan they cramp your brain up to B1 level, usually 3 hours a day, from Monday to Friday. And this is for German language. If it would had been English — sure, maybe 8 months is enough to get decent language skills. But German?

I can't imagine at all. But I, personally, am really bad at language-learning, and especially bad with forced school-learning. I need my own place and pace. Left highschool with a bad score in english and 25yrs later i'm close to native. like watching everything in english without subs and not missing more than i would do when watching shit in german. Others learn that in a year or so :-) German in 8 months to b1? even i would struggle lol.

And that is me. My English knowledge helps me quite a lot, since rules there are quite similar. But mine colleagues who does not English as I do? They doing even worse.

Totally. Like me suddenly living in Russia. The only thing I'd understand would be . Horrible. Already knowing english helps a ton! That's the only things where latin helps me sometimes. Understanding other european language's words sometimes.

For more then B2, you need to provide strong reason why you need this course. And if Jobcenter would not consider this to be a strong reason (or today’s berator was in bad mood), then you might get refusal.

Oh yes. They CAN give you anything, but they have to see a reason, like you, AND be in a good mood. Of course you have rights and could fight for it, but...not being native, that's a lol. And even if, it might take years, and when the decision is made you might be already long gone or already german :)

In my case, I am not affected. Everyone who want to get 24, starting from 9 October, they need to have proof that they “done their military duties”.

So you already did, lucky you. But that's a mean thing to require. Being drafted means certain death :-(

because in case if, for example, I need to update passport (or I will lose it),

Fuck yes, never thought of that. Risk loosing one while not getting the other might end you stateless :-( How often would you require to get a new one in UA? here it's 10yrs or so.

returning back on my own free will

I doubt you'd want that...currently at least, guess the UA isn't a shithole per se. And probably you don't want to return to the rest of your home either :-( How do you get a work-visa? when a company says "WE WANT THIS DUDE! LET HIM WORK HERE!"?

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val_ash 1 point a day ago

I thought this mostly applies to our far-east-immigrants, they segregate and want their own culture but with german privileges not in their own repressive state. I actually know more russians online than i've ever met here, so i have no educated opinion on their desire to segregate :-)

People who were born in USSR, quite often have this odd desire to return it back. I even had some experience to talk with 2 of such people when I come to Germany this year. I would say, that if they raised their kids with such mindset — then it continue to going on for longer.

But it is, probably, might be just the strong feeling of being alone or alien? Even if you learn language on very good level and be able to navigate new world — it still might feel alien. Of course, this new world might be better, but nostalgia is addictive sometimes, to the point of not being able to accept it fully.

Btw, you hate russians per se now? All russians i am in contact with have absolutely no problem with ukranians and despise the stupid war.

It might get long and ranty reply, so feel free to skip it, but it might get complicated.

In general, I do not hate them, but I am cautious. Even "despise the stupid war" might not mean the same thing for you versus Russian person.

In cases like that, I would like to ask WHEN RUSSIA started war against Ukraine. And the answer is, at the very least, is 2014 (although there were some "ringing balls" as early as 2003 year https://en.wikipedia.org/... or even earlier), when they annexed Crimea and parts of Donetsk and Luhansk regions.

Should I, also, mention, that in one of this regions was my hometown-birthtown? I had not seen it in 12 years, and never will again. And as bonus — Russia turned everything into shit that was good about this place.

If answer is not 2014, then it is very likely that person that you talking to — either supports it, or not considering it to be bad thing. And their against full-scale invasion only because they got their shit kicked by some subhuman "hohols", their "little brothers".

Or you could ask "To whom Crimea belongs to?". Answers to that question can reveal many things about this person, sometimes, you would wish not knowing the answers.

As for my experience talking and being friends with them... It is also mixed bag. I remember being called "hohol" or having heard that Ukrainian is "Funny language" (without further explanation what does that even means) or "It is just dialect of Russian" too many times even before 2014 year.

Before 2022, I had been in active contact with 3 Russians, that I was friend with for some years.

One told me, that Ukraine is Nazis and that Russians are doing right thing. Also they told me that my home should be hit with "Kindzal" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kh-47M2_Kinzhal

Another one told me, that we (Ukrainians) are bombing ourselves, and as proof tried to bring videos from "Russia Today" channel, that was already banned from YouTube for Ukraine. Several years later, that friend tried to contact me, saying similar stupid things and trying "let's not talk about this". But I almost immediately cut that shit and sent them to fuck off.

Last one was just "I am apolitical" type of person.

I had more friends from there, but I lost contact with them way before, and I am not really want to find out that they either "zetnik" or "apolitical" or whatever. I am already not in the best state of my life.

So.. Yeah.. I do not really hate them (despite the fact that they are responsible for murdering my sibling and ruining my life; attempting to murder me. Seriously, it is so scare when something fall and explodes, even 20 kilometers away), but I am not exactly feeling very safe around them.

I can't imagine at all. But I, personally, am really bad at language-learning, and especially bad with forced school-learning. I need my own place and pace.

Sadly, pace here is really fast.

I do not exactly understand when and how one should use "specific" and "whatever" Artikel. Like "das Auto" versus "ein Auto". I asked teacher after lesson, so she could explain it better next time, and she told me, that she will prepare examples and stuff to learn the difference. But on a next day, she gave me sheet of paper, where she wrote rules and examples, and told me to learn by myself because we have no time to learn this in class. Every day is a new theme.

The funny part is, also, that is mostly my mistake, but I picked the school that does not even have holidays, lol. Expect like 7 days during new year, so I do not even have time to properly rest after all of this der-die-das-Partizip 2-ich-bin-nochmal madness, lol.

Totally. Like me suddenly living in Russia. The only thing I'd understand would be <insert the one slur everyone knows here>. Horrible. Already knowing english helps a ton! That's the only things where latin helps me sometimes. Understanding other european language's words sometimes.

Yeah, that is the only reason why I know enough words to say at least something.

Oh yes. They CAN give you anything, but they have to see a reason, like you, AND be in a good mood. Of course you have rights and could fight for it, but...not being native, that's a lol. And even if, it might take years, and when the decision is made you might be already long gone or already german :)

I even had to witness this. So, you probably aware about the Tegel Berlin airport, that was reworked in... Maybe 2022 or earlier into refugee camp or temporary center before sending people to different states or haim.

This place, for a lack of better words, are shithole. I was living there for a good half a year, and I managed to lost health and my mental state.

But the funny thing is — some people were writing complains to that place, after which "mysteriously" got moved to different place much faster then expected, and, after they were already moved, they started getting mails like:

"Guten Tag We read your complaining, but after that we made check and found out that you do not live in Tegel anymore, so we can not do anything Thank you and good luck."

already long

All things considering — it is sounds very grim, since being long gone is not yet out of picture :(

So you already did, lucky you. But that's a mean thing to require. Being drafted means certain death :-(

Yep, this is essentially trap. I managed to move 2 week before it would had been too late for me, so decisions were made very quickly.

Fuck yes, never thought of that. Risk loosing one while not getting the other might end you stateless :-(

The worst part is that I, as refugee, or just in general, very much fucked here without passport. Even getting phone number here is tied to passport and mine visa (in my case, 24 paragraph). Or providing proof that I can legally stay in Germany. Proof which are glued into passport.

How often would you require to get a new one in UA? here it's 10yrs or so.

I think my passport and ID should be okay up to 203x, but losing it seems to be more likely to happen, however. Or they could add a new law that will do something that will fuck up my life ¯_(ツ)_/¯

They already tried this with passport in ~2024 when they introduced that law, and 1 month before that law was supposed to get started — services refused to give out passports and other documents due to "error in the system", which mysteriously had been fixed once law gain power. Cute :3

I doubt you'd want that...currently at least, guess the UA isn't a shithole per se. And probably you don't want to return to the rest of your home either :-(

If Russia never invaded — I doubt that there would had been that many reasons to move. European Union was very close, Euro integrations, changes here and there. But after 2014 it went into shit (especially for me). It started getting better again (better as in, it it quite good, considering you had ~13% of country just taken from you), but got fucked up in 2022.

I do not have much of my home left. Not much of my family left. No friends from there. No future (it was not like I had bright future even before 2014).

It is either become part of Europe (become German citizen, or other country) or fail miserably and return back, where I will, most likely, slowly fade away, but there would not be anyone to witness that.

How do you get a work-visa? when a company says "WE WANT THIS DUDE! LET HIM WORK HERE!"?

I can not say with 100%, but it is kind of close to this. As far I understand, you need to have certain level of official payment to apply work visa. So, for example, making 2000 or more Euro per month.

But, as far I understand, you can not simple start working in any MacDonalds and earn Visa. And if you will lose your job, you have 2 weeks to find a new one, or visa will be canceled.

And it is also important to not get yourself into job, where they can take advantage of you, knowing very well that you will lose job — you will lose visa. And as you said earlier — while you might be legally right — most likely you would not be able to do anything with that.

And there is already cases when Ukrainians are getting abused here in there, especially in payment amount and workplace safety.

When you are not citizen of a country and you want to achieve something — it is really hard.

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