How do people cope with their life being essential ruined and fucked up?

4 days ago by Valerie Ashborne to c/general

Not sure If this are right place for that (and sorry, while I do speak Englisch okay-isch, I am not native speaker), but this thoughts does make impossible to sleep at nights.

My life is taken really bad turn many years ago, and 5 years ago it become just broken.

I had my parents, my sibling, place where we lived. Everything was fine. Or I thought so.

My sibling for almost 2 whole years is... dead. There is nothing ceremonious about it. They are just... Dead.

I thought that I had wonderful parents. Even despite beating, screaming and other stuff that they told and done to me throughout the years. One of them just did not do much as parent. That resulted in many mental and physical issues, that I feel to this day.

I remember my hometown. It is now turned into rubbles. It was not great place, but I liked it.

As result of all of I left with only to move to different country, to start my life here instead.

But it is hard. Learning languages is hard. Trying to navigate this world is hard. And I do not have that much time to fix all of that.

I was always socially akward. It is hard for me. I have issues with both my body and my mind, my health. But I am mostly on my own now. With no idea how to proceed and how to deal with this pressure.

And all of that just makes me not wanting to sleep at night. Like now.

I keep thinking about that.

How go people deal with that?

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daychilde 6 points 4 days ago

My struggles are different from yours: Seven heart attacks, a saddle pulmonary embolism, below-knee amputation, kidney failure so I am on dialysis. Just the barest touch so I don't waste your time with a novel. :)

The only way to survive is to focus on now. To the best of your ability, live in the moment. What I mean is: You cannot change the past. While you will sometimes remember the past, try not to let yourself dwell too much on it - the good or the bad. I mean, don't forget what you want to remember, but don't waste much time on what's already happened. And for the future, the same - you cannot decide how to spend tomorrow until it comes. If you spend all your time thinking in the past and/or the future, you lose the NOW, which is the only time you can actually ACT.

So you do want to try and work towards bettering your future, just don't waste all your time fantasizing about what might happen or what you might want. Plan, yes. Work toward, yes. But do not lose sight of today.

"Today" - "Now" - this is your life. Not the past, nor the future.

Obviously every day cannot be a vacation. You can't have indulgent food every day. You can't be lazy every day. You can't take every day off and relax. But if you are spending every minute of every day working and stressed, that is also untenable - unsustainable.

It's not that you have to work less - you may have to work a lot to have enough money to survive. But the idea is that while you cannot do anything about what the world does to you or how people treat you, you have control over how you react. If someone - a stranger - treats you poorly, just let it go. You'll probably never see them again.

Try to find the joy in little things, in everyday things. One of the things I like to do is try to make people laugh, if I can. That is, say amusing things that are funny even in just the moment. Like I like to joke when there's good weather how terrible that is because we have nothing to complain about - it often gets a laugh. I don't try and force laughter, mihd, just be amusing and I love to see when it clearly brightens someone's day.

I'm 51, and with my health issues, I probably won't live to see 60. So these simple pleasures are what I treasure. The little time I have with my wife, keeping in touch with the two family members I have left, trying ot make people laugh wherever I go, enjoying some of the games I play.

That's all we can do. Just to make the best of whatever situation we find ourselves in. To some degree: You are in control of how you choose to go through life, as far as your attitude goes. Which is not to say you can't grieve, be sad, be wistful, be resentful, angry, so many emotions based on what's happened to you. But try not to let all of that get you down and be how you live. Acknowledge the bad, but also try to acknowledge the good: Do you have food? Shelter?

And try to make little improvements where you can.

It's hard. And everyone is different. I've just tried to explain how I try to look at life, and I hope some of that might help you. I apologize for the bits that are unhelpful and annoying. But I hope things get better for you. I hope you don't give up.

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val_ash 6 points 4 days ago

My struggles are different from yours: Seven heart attacks, a saddle pulmonary embolism, below-knee amputation, kidney failure so I am on dialysis. Just the barest touch so I don't waste your time with a novel. :)

My ex friend once experienced heart attack when he was in a store. I was somewhere else, so I did not had chance to see it or do anything about. That is just awful, awful. Horrible. It should not happened to you or anyone else :(

So you do want to try and work towards bettering your future, just don't waste all your time fantasizing about what might happen or what you might want. Plan, yes. Work toward, yes. But do not lose sight of today.

Mh.. I might be guilty of that... A lot.

Try to find the joy in little things, in everyday things. One of the things I like to do is try to make people laugh, if I can

I actually also joke a lot like that, people even laughing. Except one time when someone told that my jokes are very... self hurting? Like I might say too many bad things about myself that becomes punchlines. I sometimes think, that I might need to stop joking, because I am not great at reading room..

I'm 51, and with my health issues, I probably won't live to see 60

I would say, that you are sounds like person who will outlive me 😎

Acknowledge the bad, but also try to acknowledge the good: Do you have food? Shelter?

Yeah, but bad things always manage to outshine good things :(

It's hard. And everyone is different. I've just tried to explain how I try to look at life, and I hope some of that might help you. I apologize for the bits that are unhelpful and annoying. But I hope things get better for you

Mh.. Yeah, things that are out of my control, I can not do much about them, I should just focus on what I can do.

But life are really cruel like that, sometimes even cartoonishly cruel.

But I do enjoyed reading about your perspective on life.

But it is going to take so much of me to accept this, so it would not going to be fast

I hope you don't give up.

Huh. Maybe I would not and you all will hear again about me but as famous rock star 😎

Thank you

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daychilde 1 point 4 days ago

I actually also joke a lot like that, people even laughing. Except one time when someone told that my jokes are very… self hurting? Like I might say too many bad things about myself that becomes punchlines. I sometimes think, that I might need to stop joking, because I am not great at reading room…

Self-deprecating. It's common to make humour at the expense of yourself. It's really common for people with things like ADHD and other things. Ask me how I know. :) But you have self-worth. You deserve to live, you deserve happiness, you deserve basic comfort. We all do.

Self-care is hard, but it is important.

Yeah, but bad things always manage to outshine good things :(

It can feel like that, but you have to fight against that feeling. I understand. So many days I can't do anything except sit at the computer and waste time because dialysis is hard on the body. I feel stupid and useless a lot. But I try not to let myself feel that way.

We can all only deal with the hand we're dealt, and we can only choose how to react.

And it's not easy.

I should just focus on what I can do.

Yes, exactly that. Like you say, life is cruel, but we still have to keep on trying as best as we can.

And lemme tell ya, sometimes that involved a good cry and being angry at the world. And then moving on and keeping on trying :)

But it is going to take so much of me to accept this, so it would not going to be fast

There's no deadline and no test. You don't have to say "I'll try and if I screw up, that's it, game over" - the nice thing is that every day you decide how to face that day. Did yesterday go well? Good! Keep it up! Did yesterday go poorly? It happens, don't let that make you feel like today has to go poorly.

It's like "Oh no I'm on a diet and I made a bad decision to eat a candy bar, who cares now, I'll eat ice cream" - one mistake or bad day doesn't mean you have to have another. :)

Huh. Maybe I would not and you all will hear again about me but as famous rock star 😎

Even if I don't hear about you as a famous rock star, I'm sure that based on what you've said about your personality, and how some of it matches mine well enough I can say with high confidence: There will be some who remember you and the interactions they had with you.

As useless as I feel, I know I've made some people smile. And I know you have, too.

I'm glad this was a little helpful. There have been a few times in my life where someone has said something that's helped me a bit, so if I've managed to pass that on a little, that also means you've helped me at the same time. :) And that's the best thing we can do as humans - helping each other <3

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val_ash 2 points 3 days ago

Self-deprecating. It's common to make humour at the expense of yourself. It's really common for people with things like ADHD and other things. Ask me how I know. :)

I am undiagnosed (not at current moment anyway) and I am pretty sure (TM) but I feel being called out, heh.

But you have self-worth. You deserve to live, you deserve happiness, you deserve basic comfort. We all do.

It seems that sometimes I forget about that...

It's like "Oh no I'm on a diet and I made a bad decision to eat a candy bar, who cares now, I'll eat ice cream" - one mistake or bad day doesn't mean you have to have another. :)

It is something that I am very guilty of... I know that one mistake is not end of the world, but it does feel like one to me 🥲

As useless as I feel, I know I've made some people smile. And I know you have, too.

Well, you can add +1 to your smile count. Maybe it could help you feel less useless about yourself! I sure hope it does.

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