I feel self conscious now. Do you think I sound like a bot, fellow human?

Check the post history. The lad(ette) is real.

In a manner of speaking, yes.

See, the church of Scientology cloned Tom years ago, and rolls out a new "stunt double" for each movie to make sure that his productions are done on time. If one Tom falls during a stunt, a new one is released.

Unfortunately, due to a clerical error, the original Tom was mislabelled before being put back in his tank, so it's unclear which one was the first. This led to several Toms being accidentally left out, allowing this picture to be taken and forcing the church to pretend that they are different people and give them each a fake identity under which to live out their natural lives.