Thrashy 104 points 2 years ago

My church squared that circle by only caring about others in the "eternal souls damned to hell" sense. If your physical needs weren't being met, that was a personal failing as far as they were concerned. What's that? Jesus did a lot of caring for the physical needs of others? Nah, see, that was as only as a metaphor for their spiritual needs. Get your hands off my stuff, dammit.

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Balthazar 56 points 2 years ago

Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need. (Acts 4:32-35)

Wow, those apostles and primitive Christians completely missed the metaphor!

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Catoblepas 41 points 2 years ago

I once sat through a whole ass sermon about how actually that’s not communism 🙃

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Balthazar 22 points 2 years ago

Mark of a good sermon: did they say what it is?

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FourPacketsOfPeanuts 0 points 2 years ago

It was the only time it happened and it was voluntary. That's pretty different from most real world communist systems.

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Thrashy 25 points 2 years ago

It's always fascinating to go back and re-read the Bible without the blinders of dogma on. For instance, Paul was held out as a divinely-appointed guide to the early church, but if you don't take his conversion story at face value it's quite clear that he's a conservative trying to take control of a nascent religion and steer it away from the more radical ideas that some of the other early followers took away from the teachings of Jesus. That fun children's story about Joshua and the walls of Jericho (remember the French Peas from VeggieTales)? That was the opening act of a years-long campaign of genocide and ethnic cleansing that God commanded the Israelites undertake to claim the Promised Land!

My favorite, though, is Song of Solomon. It's straight-up erotic poetry, right in the middle of a book handed out to children! I know they claim it's metaphorical, but come the fuck on... the author spends whole chapters describing his lover's naked body, that ain't a metaphor for anything other than "I want to bone you."

I'm not going to go as far as to say it's good erotic poetry, though. I've tried "your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle" on my wife and was immediately ejected from the bedroom. YMMV, though.

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FourPacketsOfPeanuts 12 points 2 years ago

to take control of a nascent religion and steer it away from the more radical ideas that some of the other early followers took away from the teachings of Jesus.

tbh authentic Paul was in many ways more radical that Jesus.. Jesus told people to give to the poor because the end was near, and so did Paul. Jesus chose all male disciples, Paul refers to Phoebe, Prisca, Euodia and Syntyche (all women) as his "fellow workers" or "ministers". Jesus affirmed "for this reason a man will leave his parents and be united with his wife". From Paul we have "there is neither male nor female in Christ Jesus". Jesus followed synagogue traditions (male only), Paul allowed women to pray and prophesy in his churches. Jesus taught the Jews to follow a loving version of the Torah, Paul pushed the utterly radical idea that Jews were freed from the Torah and united with gentiles in "one body".

(The conservative line taken in later letters attributed to Paul are believed by academic scholars to be from his later school of disciples, not from him himself.)

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Viking_Hippie 3 points 2 years ago

I've tried "your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle" on my wife and was immediately ejected from the bedroom

To be fair, the monk robe and tonsure haircut might not have helped..

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