I agree, this is something you need to be able to discuss with your husband.
yeah, you need to know what his expectations are. does he share their views? is that something you can deal with? ideological agreements are what's most important in a relationship for me so i'd go about finding out these things first.
In that case, I'd communicate that to your husband and explain how bad being in that environment can be. on days when you're feeling mentally strong and prepared you can interact with them, but he'd do well to give you some slack on days when you can't deal with them.
I would say the people being bigots would be the assholes. That being said, only you and your spouse can figure out if doing this can be sustainable in your relationship.
IMO, life is too short to force yourself to be around people that make you unhappy.
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my favourite piece of relationship advice i've ever read is that whatever issues crop up, it's you two (or however many there are of you) vs the problem, not you against each other. i think you need to make it known to your husband that his family's bigotry is very hurtful to you and how difficult it is to be around them. personally, i would make an effort to be amicable but not encouraging towards their behaviour. this all depends on exactly how bad it is though.
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