What do men just not understand about women?

a year ago by LadyButterfly she/her to c/womensstuff

wildwhitehorses 50 points a year ago

The fear of even posting a comment on a womens only thread incase they cyber stalk us and start a tirade of abuse or sexual harassment.

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LadyButterfly 33 points a year ago

God that's true. I'm mega girly, when I joined lemmy I initially chose a gender neutral name I didn't particularly like to stay safe. Then I started here so my cover was blown and i went with my true girly self. These are the constant things we have to do online

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ZDL 13 points a year ago

There are, to my knowledge, two pictures of me on the Internet. Total. Both are at least two decades out of date. I haven't used my real name in any online context (I started with Fidonet) since the '80s. And while I do leak some information about my whereabouts, good luck finding me in a city that's bigger than the USA's top city (and is yet only about #10 in China…).

And why the secrecy?

Well, the time I got a phone call at 2AM from a guy in the USA who was absolutely dead-set on "domming" me in an online RPG game, wanting to take it RL kind of informed me I need to be super-careful about any identifiable information.

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wildwhitehorses 4 points a year ago

And it is tiring.

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NikkiDimes 4 points a year ago

There's a "girl gamer group" on Steam, but it's comprised mostly of creepy ass dudes who'll just add and harass any girls that join. It's so gross.

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tanisnikana 48 points a year ago

I think men don’t really understand how we just have a low-key sense of fear when we’re around men, just all the time.

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tanisnikana 40 points a year ago

I’m waiting for some man to come in here being all “not all men!”

Sure. Fine. Not all men.

But enough men that this is a big fucking worry.

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18107 15 points a year ago

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LadyButterfly 3 points a year ago

Bingo

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forrgott 1 point a year ago

As a father of two daughters, it fucks with me hardcore knowing that the majority of women will experience some form of sexual assault in their lives.

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tanisnikana 9 points a year ago

Buddy, no. Please let us women just have one community. It says in the rules that men shouldn’t be here.

@LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone

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LadyButterfly 8 points a year ago

Hi forgott protective dads are one of my favourite things in the world! We are trans inclusive women only though so please don't post again.

Have you found!dadforaminute@lemmy.world it's our twin community they're our official male cheerleaders, people post when they need their dad. You'd make great contributions there!

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ZDL 26 points a year ago

I've had boyfriends shocked when they found out, during the course of getting intimate, that I actually do carry a knife with me at all times. They're such sheltered little dears, aren't they, able to go through life without worrying if that man over there is going to be the one who assaults you or worse because you "wore the wrong clothes" or "said the wrong thing" or even just "looked at him with the wrong expression"?

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chunes 4 points a year ago

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forrgott 2 points a year ago

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LadyButterfly 25 points a year ago

Yep and how much the fear is justified. It's constant. Don't go anywhere alone at night, text your friends when you're going on a date, be unbelievably careful how you reject a man etc etc etc

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Lumelore 14 points a year ago

I was about to comment this as well. I've always been kind of weak, but transitioning made me even more so and I quickly realized how easy it would be to get overpowered. Being around men definitely puts me on edge as well.

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Triasha 4 points a year ago

I gave my wife anxiety by moving through life blissfully unaware after transition. I was blessed to have only positive experiences for a time.

A few conversations and experiences later and I take more precautions.

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forrgott 5 points a year ago

When I learned just how frequently sexual harassment and assault happens, it was an eye opening, and heart breaking, revelation.

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foxglove 6 points a year ago

Thanks for your comment, but this community is intended to be women-only, meaning only women are permitted to comment or post, so please refrain from continuing to comment here, thanks! 💚

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Ekybio 31 points a year ago

Especially in dating, I pay for my own food and drinks every time.

Because I very acutely feel the expectations that are attached to something nominally free and dont want to deal with this kind of "debt". Had to explain this fact quite often and some guys just never heard of the concept behind it called reciprocity, though they know the feeling of it.

It just never clicked for them in that context.

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apotheotic 28 points a year ago

That we're human beings with autonomy who just want to live our lives

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ZDL 27 points a year ago

How we might want our own spaces to talk without their input. Not that they would do that in a group that's clearly labeled "Women only..."

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hildegarde 2 points a year ago

I really wonder how many of men commenting with generally respectful language here are questioning whether they are trans. This is a small community hosted on the piefed spinoff of the most trans instance. It doesn't seem like the kind of place men who are cis with certainty would just stumble upon.

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ZDL 2 points a year ago

The language may be respectful, but the act of commenting in a space that has clear rules against their commenting entirely is not respectful. Which is a problem I've seen in male-inclusive women's social circles before (as in pre-Internet). Men think their voices must be heard, even if they're ostensibly "allies".

If this were my first rodeo maybe I'd be thinking of reasons for them. It's not, however. It's like my seventeenth.

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dandelion 21 points a year ago

Some men seem to think women dress and do makeup and hair for them alone, and that this is inherently sexual; meanwhile if there were no men I would continue to dress up and do hair and makeup and I think this is because lots of women dress and do makeup for ourselves and for other women, to feel human and have self esteem, and also to establish social status among other women.

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LadyButterfly 7 points a year ago

Yep! Not to mention how many decent men think they have a right to tell their partner to have long hair, get a Brazilian, wear high heels etc. I've met so many who think as it's just a couple of things so they can expect it cos THEY like it that way

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ZDL 4 points a year ago

I actually had someone tell me I should get a Brazilian. We weren't together long after that, but we split up after I told him I'd get one the day after he got one.

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dandelion 3 points a year ago

that's a good point, part of the assumption that it's all for them is that their preferences are all that matter 🤦‍♀️

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NikkiDimes 2 points a year ago

Agreed. People dictating how their partners should express themselves are so gross.

My boyfriend keeps asking if he can shave his head. I'm like, dude, I love your hair and think it's beautiful, but if that's what you want to do, I'm here for it. It's his hair after all, haha.

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starlinguk 16 points a year ago

They're people, just like they are.

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RebekahWSD 15 points a year ago

Women each have different desires in significant others. "You don't know how hard it is being a guy and having to do the asking out!" True, I don't. I do know being a fat woman who doesn't wear makeup or flattering clothing I got asked out 3 times in my life. Only one of those guys is 'traditionally handsome' and is not my now husband. My husband has cerebral palsy and yet still asked my much younger ass out. Worked for him cause he was willing to try. Maybe it's because I feel safe with him. Being disabled gives him a viewpoint on other humans where one has to be wary like most women have to be wary.

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StarlightDust 11 points a year ago

That when we say how frequently men sexually harass us day to day we aren't exaggerating.

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LadyButterfly 7 points a year ago

Yep, and how we all have our own strategies to manage it. Women constantly manage men's behaviour, keeping them calm and trying to stay safe. We sometimes have to "let" them harass us because if we challenge it they might hurt us

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frenchfryenjoyer 2 points a year ago

omg yes. god this one pisses me off. it's a classic example of "if I don't experience it it must not be real or exaggerated". I have not so fond memories of being catcalled and followed even if I make it known I'm not interested. when I was 11-12 I had old men make wildly inappropriate comments to me. I have no trouble believing the statistics and I'm tired of seeing men downplay it

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Caitlyynn 7 points a year ago

I don't want to be stared at

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ThoGot 4 points a year ago

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LadyButterfly 33 points a year ago

Hi Thogot thanks for your comment! We're a women's only community so please don't comment again. Have a great day! 😊

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banghida 21 points a year ago

Lmao

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grasshopper_mouse 2 points a year ago

The "mental load" stuff that women carry, not just at home, but in the workplace as well.

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neukenindekeuken 1 point a year ago

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bacon_pdp 1 point a year ago

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LadyButterfly 3 points a year ago

Yep! We are never safe

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womensstuff

@piefed.blahaj.zone

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Women only trans inclusive This is an inclusive community for all things women. Whether you're here for make up tips, feminism or just friendly chit chat, we've got you covered.

Rules…

Women only… trans women are women, and transphobic or gender critical talk isn’t allowed. Anyone under the trans umbrella (e.g. non-binary, bigender, agender) is free to decide whether a women's community is a good fit for them.
Don’t be a dick. No personal attacks, no aggression, play nice.
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No governmental politics, so no talk of Trump actions etc. We recommend Feminism@beehaw.org for that, but here is an escape from it.
New accounts or users with few comments may have their posts removed to prevent spam and bad-faith participation.

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womensstuff

@piefed.blahaj.zone

login for more options

Women only trans inclusive This is an inclusive community for all things women. Whether you're here for make up tips, feminism or just friendly chit chat, we've got you covered.

Rules…

Women only… trans women are women, and transphobic or gender critical talk isn’t allowed. Anyone under the trans umbrella (e.g. non-binary, bigender, agender) is free to decide whether a women's community is a good fit for them.
Don’t be a dick. No personal attacks, no aggression, play nice.
Don’t hate on groups, hatefilled talk about groups is not allowed. Ever.
No governmental politics, so no talk of Trump actions etc. We recommend Feminism@beehaw.org for that, but here is an escape from it.
New accounts or users with few comments may have their posts removed to prevent spam and bad-faith participation.

go to feed...