This is a massive topic and it helps to have someone to talk to. A professional would be most beneficial but I'm aware not everyone has that luxury. Alexithymia is better understood as emotional colour blindness, that is because absolut blindness implies one does not register emotions, rather it's a question of fully processing them - which is impaired because one would not be able to label them properly to begin with. I like this analogy: Someone growing up with a language that describes colours in restricted terms such as bright and dark might struggle differentiating colours yet still sees them. Someone with alexithymia might be as restricted in their emotional awareness: feeling good and bad. Even good emotions might feel overwhelming such that we would not be able to tell them apart from bad. (I use good and bad to keep it simple, but know that these labels aren't really justified). This is because someone living in conditions that give rise to CPTSD has learned to survive a life by disregarding their own internal state. This learned behaviour has to be undone. One has to trust that aside from the logical part of one's mind there's a vast ocean of information that is encoded in one's emotional state. Professionals usually let patients map it to the body: what goes through you when you experienced that event and where in your body does that make itself aware. There's a lot of good information out there to learn more. Last point: the fact that you are aware of this condition / behaviour alone is highly beneficial and conducive to further improvements. Best of luck.