How to actually train yourself to reconnect with emotions

So I was recently told to try a loving-kindness exercise, and found it very difficult to follow the instructions.

So basically they have you first sit comfortably, Then you try to remember a person or situation you felt warm being loved (or loving) And then you want to focus on the feeling that this gives you. And finally think of a person you want to share this feeling with.

But I'm already stuck in the second part. I can't really remember something good that happened to me that would actually cause a feeling.

I just don't really notice any change.

Did anybody find a way to actually feel anything by thinking back on something? Or in any other way?

Madzielle 3 points 10 months ago

Quite the contrary, it's not thinking back but thinking of the present The love I've been lucky enough to experience today is the only thing thats healed me.

I can't give my familial medical history without crying, but thinking about how I'm loved and safe today, keeps the panic attacks away

Maybe for this exercise, I would write about my music teacher, she saw my talent and was the only person encouraging me at that time. That's a kind of warmness I guess. And I could say I share that feeling by giving out compliments or encouragement to others I see in my daily life.

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SolarBoy 1 point 10 months ago

It's great that you have such a person in your life. I also have my partner and she has been so good to me. But when I think about her, I can't feel anything.

It's also very strange I can visualise the faces of people I know quite easily. Even if I have not seen them for many years.

But I can't visualise the face of my partner, at all. It almost seems like anything that has emotion attached to it is not accessible in my memory

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Flagstaff 2 points 10 months ago

Is your counselor aware of this? That sounds pretty major...

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SolarBoy 1 point 10 months ago

I don't really see a counselor or therapist at the moment. Not easy to find somebody

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Flagstaff 2 points 10 months ago

Understandable. I could be wrong, but all I mean is that something this severe sounds like it's beyond Lemmy's pay grade...

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rhk 1 point 8 months ago

This sounds like what is often part of emotional numbing in ptsd. People often think about it as part of a way to stay functioning and not be overwhelmed by negative feelings - but at the cost of feeling distanced from positive feelings, too. Does this match what you're experiencing?

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SolarBoy 2 points 8 months ago

Definitely matches my experience.
I don't really have any reaction to what people say, or when watching a movie for example.

I think my default strategy of dealing with feelings is suppressing them. Good or bad.
Even to the point that it happens automatically.

Not sure what to do about it though.
Meditation seems to help, but only if I do it very long and consistently.

Maybe also related, I don't really experience racing thoughts that people often describe when meditating. If I do it long enough I can occasionally notice something.

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rhk 2 points 8 months ago

The most direct way this changes is usually by some type of intentional "approach" (ie not avoidance) of the hardest to tolerate memories and feelings - which seems to let your brain realize they are actually tolerable (now, in a safe environment, etc - there may well have been a reason for avoiding them before). When people do this (often with a therapist) numbing tends to go down.

Not the only option or anything! But often the most direct one.

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