nagaram 23 points 3 months ago

Favorite example of OT God being a wrathful bitch go!

Mines the bears that kill the kids.

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rumschlumpel 23 points 3 months ago

The one where the god commands a follower to kill his son to prove his loyalty, then goes "jk just a test" just before the follower goes through with it. Loyalty tests like this are a classic manipulator tactic, and how TF is this supposed to convince people to follow this god?

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nagaram 15 points 3 months ago

There are rabbinic writings claiming that Abraham actually did kill Isaac, just not the full sacrifice. Apparently the type of sacrifice that would have been done includes plunging a knife into the heart of the sacrificial animal while its burning. Abraham was already at the last step which means Isaacs body was on fire.

Also only Abraham returns from the mountain. Isaac isn't mentioned.

The Rabbinic writings claim Isaac was revived though. I think they brought his ashes to the Temple, and God reconstituted him. I need to find the reference.

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PugJesus 16 points 3 months ago

Fuck them kids, tho, that one's justified.

My favorite is when he commands genocide*.

*the joke is that this happens constantly

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FuglyDuck 14 points 3 months ago

quantity over quantity: destroying the entire world and every living thing except one dinky boat because some angels raped human women.

Quality over quantity?

when god cursed the serpent for telling the truth. (adam and eve didn't die... and the issue really was that god didn't want them to be "like him." Also if the story is to believed, god set them up anyway.)

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nagaram 4 points 3 months ago

There's some really funny coping about Adam and Eves death.

I've read one claim that, to god, a day is actually a thousand years. So god saying they will die a day later is true because Adam lived to 999 and 364 days or something.

Eventually, god figures out time, but before that he struggles and that's why oldtest figures are hundreds of years old.

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NotEasyBeingGreen 12 points 3 months ago

Even hippy Jesus is sort of a dick though.

For example when he's walking along and sees a fig tree. He's hungry so asks his disciples to bring him some dates figs (lazy fuck, go get your own damn dates figs). They report that the tree doesn't have any dates figs, so Jesus uses his necromancy to make it wither and die.

EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT PRODUCTIVE WILL BE PURGED FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH. GOD IS LOVE.

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icanbrewmushrooms 4 points 3 months ago

Sounds like he would have been disappointed even if the tree did have fruit on it, because dates grow on date palms, not on fig trees...

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IAMgROOT 1 point 3 months ago

it was a metaphor for Israel not producing spiritual fruit and being cursed

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