I'm officially pre-op!!!

11 days ago by That_Bitch_Is_Cily to c/mtf

For bottom surgery in December! I'm super excited, especially since I was originally staring down a 3 year timeline back in July. Had a consultation earlier this week and it went amazingly well! I feel decently prepared, but please share any tips for the lead up or recovery. Eeeeep!

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Eskarina 6 points 11 days ago

Damn girl, you just introduced yourself, would've thought that's farther away! Wish you all the best :). So happy it worked out for you, how does it feel to finally have the date? I'd hope it really takes a lot of the anxiety off :3.

I'd like to get it done next year, too, got a first appointment in a clinic in September, but gotta jump through some hoops before and am really panicking at times, getting scared something might get in my way.

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That_Bitch_Is_Cily 3 points 10 days ago

Yeaaaaah I can't stay still very long lol really though, I've been researching bottom surgery for years, even before I knew I was going to transition. So after I got my fertility preservation and hormone therapy figured out, I knew that getting the ball (heh) rolling on it was going to be one of my big goals, along with finishing electrolysis and voice therapy. I'm going to be getting it like almost exactly on my 1st birHRTday but its just because I've already done so much legwork already.

It's been interesting how I've been feeling now that I have a date. I thought that maybe the dysphoria would alleviate knowing that there's an end to it, but that wasn't really the case. I'm a little worried that it'll actually just continue getting worse in the lead up. However, I feel much more settled in my identity and I'm actually pretty proud of myself for continuing to pursue it and advocate for myself. Like the imposter syndrome has almost disappeared.

I hope your appointment goes well and that your timeline works out!

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Eskarina 2 points 10 days ago

I’m going to be getting it like almost exactly on my 1st birHRTday

Aww, that's so sweet :).

I thought that maybe the dysphoria would alleviate knowing that there’s an end to it, but that wasn’t really the case. I’m a little worried that it’ll actually just continue getting worse in the lead up.

Interesting indeed, that's a bit how I feel about my facial hair since I started laser. Still hate it of course, but knowing it'll be gone soon surely calmed me down a lot. Though, I read even post-op may need some time for it all to actually settle in, surely a very subjective experience. Feel free to keep us posted :3

I feel much more settled in my identity and I’m actually pretty proud of myself for continuing to pursue it and advocate for myself.

That's awesome! It really is an amazing feeling to take control of our journey, has been pretty euphoric here and there for me.

I hope your appointment goes well and that your timeline works out!

Well, I'll need a time machine for that, so not the best odds :3. Took me about 6 months to kinda finalize the decision that I want SRS, if I could have it my way I would've done it the next day.

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That_Bitch_Is_Cily 2 points 10 days ago

Interesting indeed, that's a bit how I feel about my facial hair since I started laser. Still hate it of course, but knowing it'll be gone soon surely calmed me down a lot. Though, I read even post-op may need some time for it all to actually settle in, surely a very subjective experience. Feel free to keep us posted :3

Yea at least with my facial hair, I feel better each time I have an electrolysis session. I've definitely grown addicted to the results, even if it is slow going. I can only do 2 hours a month since my electrologist is only around for a week at a time each month. I'll definitely keep y'all updated, I'd like to do a total review of my overall experience at some point.

Well, I'll need a time machine for that, so not the best odds :3. Took me about 6 months to kinda finalize the decision that I want SRS, if I could have it my way I would've done it the next day.

Girl truuuu lol a time machine would do wonders! I had a viewpoint before I actually started transitioning where I was like "I know that if I ever do transition, I am absolutely getting bottom surgery". So it helped that the decision was pretty much already made. What did surprise me is that I was about 98% sure that I just wanted a minimal-depth procedure. But I was never able to feel 100% in that decision and because of that, I forced myself to reconsider my rationale and I realized that I was leaning more toward convenience rather than what I actually wanted. So I'm now getting PIV and I'm at 100% with it. In that way, I'm kinda thankful for my mental breakdown when I was looking at a 3 year wait since it forced me to think about alternatives.

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Eskarina 2 points 10 days ago

I've strongly leaned towards it from the moment I came out to myself, never thought I shouldn't do it, but think I put the actual decision off a bit, because I knew I'd have to wait anyway. Had all these rationalizations, like, yeah sure it makes sense to have to wait for so long because it's such a big deal and there's no way back. For most of my life I just didn't allow myself to have wishes that I thought impossible (like being a girl in the first place).

But fuck that. I want it and I want it now, that's what it is. I've been fantasizing about this for years, way before I realized I'm trans. Hell, teen me even wondered if they'd be better in some way without that thing. Can't even say I'm 100% certain it's the right call, but I definitely don't want to spent the rest of my life wondering.

What did surprise me is that I was about 98% sure that I just wanted a minimal-depth procedure. But I was never able to feel 100% in that decision and because of that, I forced myself to reconsider my rationale and I realized that I was leaning more toward convenience rather than what I actually wanted.

Huh, that's the same reason why I considered minimal-depth... Can't say I'm super excited about having to dilate for the rest of my life or the infection risks, but I just hope it'll be worth it.

I’m kinda thankful for my mental breakdown when I was looking at a 3 year wait since it forced me to think about alternatives.

Wow, it brought the wait down ~2 years for you? Now I want a mental breakdown x).

Also wish hair removal would be faster, I'll be so darn happy when this is done. Chin hair is so stubborn, yikes.

Thanks for sharing, can't wait for your updates :)

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That_Bitch_Is_Cily 1 point 7 days ago

But fuck that. I want it and I want it now, that's what it is. I've been fantasizing about this for years, way before I realized I'm trans.

For real. It may seem like I'm rushing through my transition and, from the outside perspective, that I'm being rash and not thinking things through. But in reality, these feelings have just been at critical mass for a long time, I just didnt say anything about it until now. So it sucks to be at the point where I need things to happen now but also need to wait for loved ones and the medical process to catch up.

Can't even say I'm 100% certain it's the right call, but I definitely don't want to spent the rest of my life wondering.

Inaction is still action. I know what that life is like and it doesn't work, so why sit stagnant in it when I could do something to maybe make life better.

Can't say I'm super excited about having to dilate for the rest of my life or the infection risks, but I just hope it'll be worth it.

Same. I just couldn't close off the possibility without experiencing it first. I don't want to disappoint myself later on because I cannot satisfy cravings that I could have because my anatomy doesn't allow for it. And to have that due to a choice I made would probably induce a different type of dysphoria.

Wow, it brought the wait down ~2 years for you? Now I want a mental breakdown x).

Yea super fun, highly recommend... Lmao I am thankful that transitioning unlocked this sassy, spicy, bitchy side of me that helps propel my self advocacy. Not getting surgery this winter was not going ti be an option with the plans my wife and I have made moving forward. So I'm so psyched that I was able to find an alternative who is reputable, experienced, and comfortable.

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Eskarina 2 points 6 days ago

It may seem like I’m rushing through my transition and, from the outside perspective, that I’m being rash and not thinking things through. But in reality, these feelings have just been at critical mass for a long time, I just didnt say anything about it until now.

Yeah, think that's the same for me. At the start there may even have been some truth to it, like I was so eager to get into the permanent changes that I'd get that sunken cost fallacy going and wouldn't think about chickening out. The typical cis urge to get irreversibly changed to the opposite gender and then having to live with it, huh 😅.

But well, I was insanely good at repressing these feelings, even though they've been there for a very long time. Now I've been on this journey for more than 6 months now and haven't really thought about stopping for a single second.

Lmao I am thankful that transitioning unlocked this sassy, spicy, bitchy side of me that helps propel my self advocacy.

Awwww giiiiirl, I couldn't have dreamt of the confidence I got from finding my true self, it's really insane, isn't it? <3

I'm psyched for you too! And jealous, ofc :3

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