Cornell Vows That Rapists Will Be Forced To Write Much Longer Essays In The Future

17 days ago by ZeroCool to c/theonion

ITHACA, NY—Acknowledging serious missteps in their handling of a 2024 campus sexual assault case, administrators at Cornell University vowed Tuesday that, going forward, rapists would be forced to write much longer essays as punishment for their behavior. “Upon reviewing the disciplinary action we took toward the seven Chi Phi brothers who allegedly gang-raped a student […]
ptsdstillinmymind 29 points 17 days ago

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Avicenna 15 points 17 days ago

They should put these posters up in Cornell for the next four years and psychologically bully these kids fuckers out of school.

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decolo 9 points 17 days ago

I know I'm probably imagining it, but each one of them has empty serial-killer eyes, I wonder when the pictures were taken

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zarkanian 2 points 16 days ago

Naw, they all just look like normal dudes. That's what makes it so disturbing.

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anotherspinelessdem 2 points 17 days ago

Ingalls and Kretszchmar for sure, harder to tell in the others

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decolo 3 points 17 days ago

altr

altr

altr

altr

altr

altr

altr

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anotherspinelessdem 1 point 16 days ago

Oof, maybe Lopes and Newell as well

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Malica 1 point 16 days ago

I call it rape face and so far I've been right about every one of them

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decolo 6 points 17 days ago

We need a poster with names of all school admin who ran cover.

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bitteroldcoot 21 points 17 days ago

But that the essays will be allowed to be AI generated. So as not to put to much strain on the poor oppressed frat bros.

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Avicenna 13 points 17 days ago

You know what the sad reality of the situation is? I initially thought this was real news. Has been happening so often with onion in the last five years.

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theuniqueone 7 points 17 days ago

This is the reform we were calling for right?

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hanrahan -1 points 17 days ago

These guys were convicted right ? Not just accused ?

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Avicenna 10 points 17 days ago

Don't worry their rich parents will ensure they get a slap on the wrist, but hey "boys will be boys" right?

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