How do people cope with their life being essential ruined and fucked up?

4 days ago by Valerie Ashborne to c/general

Not sure If this are right place for that (and sorry, while I do speak Englisch okay-isch, I am not native speaker), but this thoughts does make impossible to sleep at nights.

My life is taken really bad turn many years ago, and 5 years ago it become just broken.

I had my parents, my sibling, place where we lived. Everything was fine. Or I thought so.

My sibling for almost 2 whole years is... dead. There is nothing ceremonious about it. They are just... Dead.

I thought that I had wonderful parents. Even despite beating, screaming and other stuff that they told and done to me throughout the years. One of them just did not do much as parent. That resulted in many mental and physical issues, that I feel to this day.

I remember my hometown. It is now turned into rubbles. It was not great place, but I liked it.

As result of all of I left with only to move to different country, to start my life here instead.

But it is hard. Learning languages is hard. Trying to navigate this world is hard. And I do not have that much time to fix all of that.

I was always socially akward. It is hard for me. I have issues with both my body and my mind, my health. But I am mostly on my own now. With no idea how to proceed and how to deal with this pressure.

And all of that just makes me not wanting to sleep at night. Like now.

I keep thinking about that.

How go people deal with that?

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FRYD 18 points 4 days ago

I can’t say things have ever been that bad for me, but I’m in a really rough place myself right now.

Focus on your next step. Survival is most important. Try your best to find stability and find a good outlet for all the stress you’re dealing with.

I’m homeless right now and my next step is to make enough money for rent somewhere. My outlet is my photography, I’d lose my mind without it.

Surely you’re dealing with a lot of trauma and you’re going to need help dealing with that. If you can get that help, then it’s worth pursuing. If not, it’s okay to put it off until you have higher priorities taken care of.

Your life isn’t ruined. You can rebuild and find stability. You just have to keep going and never give up.

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val_ash 7 points 4 days ago

I’m homeless right now

:( that is really awful to hear. What happened?

My outlet is my photography, I’d lose my mind without it

Hm.. In past (in past as in a life that I lost forever), I wanted learn to draw. Picture that is my avatar is made by me. Not sure if it is considered to be good or bad, but I am somewhat proud of it.

Do you post your photos somewhere? I got curious about them. I also like to photographire stuff, but I am not 100% sure shy.

If you can get that help, then it’s worth pursuing.

I am thinking about it, but language barrier seems to not make it easy :(

Your life isn’t ruined. You can rebuild and find stability. You just have to keep going and never give up.

But what if trying to not give up just prolongs the inevitable? What if I could just accept it :(

In my native Sprache we have this saying "перед смертью не надышишься", which translates roughly to "you can't breath (air) enough (meaning, breath enough air until you are satisfied) before you die".

And thank you too for taking your time to reply.

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FRYD 7 points 4 days ago

I’m homeless because the US is… a mess and my family is the opposite of helpful.

I do post occasionally. There’s a couple posts on my old lemmy account, a few on my old reddit, and many more on my old instagram. I don’t want to link my instagram to this account because it’s semi-professional for when I do gigs and I don’t need what I write here associated with that.

Drawing is a good option. I’ve always struggled with it personally, but I am trying again recently.

As for the language barrier issue. Your written English isn’t perfect, but totally functional. I imagine your spoken english is similar although it’s probably slow. I’ve heard the best way to learn fluency is from talking with people though. So maybe you’ll get better quicker than you expect.

To your final point. “Inevitable” is a word only used in hubris. If predicting the future were that easy, we’d live in a better world. Obviously I don’t know your language, but the phrase you’ve given seems to have a dual meaning. On one hand it seems to express a kinda of hopeless futility, but it also reads to me in a more positive way too. If ever said “I can’t breathe enough before I die” I would only say that to express that there’s so much I want to do and so little time to do it.

I can’t promise things will get better. Things might get worse or just stay hard for a really long time. That’s certainly been my experience. Still I’m determined because there are things I want to experience. I want to be happy and have fun and make friends and Im not going to let the unfairness of this shitty world stop me.

I had to go through a seriously dark period to get to this mindset, but I did get through it. I wasn’t hopeful or optimistic while I was dealing with it, but I kept going anyway.

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val_ash 5 points 4 days ago

I’m homeless because the US is… a mess and my family is the opposite of helpful.

At the very least, I have place to live. I could not imagine what it is to be like when you do not have safety where you can just be and be yourself without being observed...

I do post occasionally. There’s a couple posts on my old lemmy account, a few on my old reddit, and many more on my old instagram.

I should then check them out. Thanks.

Drawing is a good option. I’ve always struggled with it personally, but I am trying again recently.

I found out myself that using some specific type of paint and paper (or digital instead) could make it easier to enjoy drawing. I am not big fan of pencils, or watercolors, or office papers, but Gouache and watercolor paper (I think they have 2 types of them: "cold pressed" and "hit pressed", which affects texture and how paint interacts with paper) to be more enjoyable.

I imagine your spoken english is similar although it’s probably slow

It is more to remember words, because there so many. And how to pronounce them. I have defects which prevents me to say certain letters (like "r") and my accent is sehr strong. If you ever heard how Slav people speak — you probably know how it sounds.

Obviously I don’t know your language, but the phrase you’ve given seems to have a dual meaning

You are not the first person who say that to me... It is Ukrainian and Russian, where phrases like that is... Well, normal. We have many of them.

For example, there is this great saying "спасение утопающих - дело рук самих утопающих" which translates to "saving the drowning people — is in their own hands", meaning that if you can not help yourself — nobody will.

On one hand it seems to express a kinda of hopeless futility, but it also reads to me in a more positive way too. If ever said “I can’t breathe enough before I die” I would only say that to express that there’s so much I want to do and so little time to do it.

That is interesting perspective, because it used mostly as "hopeless" and also as "stop enjoying this, you would not be able to satisfy yourself enough anyway". It is can be told to person who trying to avoid something inevitable, trying to enjoy what is good left for them. E.g. "

hey, wake up. It is 7:00, time prepare to go to work.
Give me 5 more minutes.
You would not be able to breath enough air before you die anyway, so GET UP now!" " It sounds very bothered in my translation, but it makes sense in original.

I had to go through a seriously dark period to get to this mindset, but I did get through it. I wasn’t hopeful or optimistic while I was dealing with it, but I kept going anyway.

You seems to be strong, which do makes me more inspired.

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FRYD 5 points 4 days ago

My kinda homeless isn’t as bad as it gets. I got a decent car and a decent job, just no bed.

My boss is actually Latvian with a pretty strong accent. She struggles with some stuff, but we communicate fine.

Anyway, I guess I’ve got some strength to me. It’s not something I started with though. You just pick it up on your way through hard times. I’m sure you can find your own strength too.

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