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Anyone wanna talk. Going through painful breakup
5 days ago by Rush to c/relationship_advice
Rush 1 point 5 days ago
I don't really have any plans right now, to be honest. He said I had trust issues and was emotionally dependent on him, but he threatened to break up with me four times. Every time he became distant, I got scared that he would leave again, so I kept questioning his commitment. I know I became anxious and needed reassurance, but I feel like those repeated threats contributed to that fear, too.
Things got worse when I came across his ChatGPT history and found him asking how to impress girls. I also found out he had said he urgently needed .... because his friends regularly brought girls over to have fun in the next room. It completely shattered my trust. I was genuinely committed to him, while I was discovering things that made me question whether we wanted the same kind of relationship. Now he blames my trust issues and emotional dependence, and I'm struggling to make sense of everything.
ElcaineVolta 5 points 5 days ago
eww, he uses ai? you can do so much better.
Rush 1 point 5 days ago
Yes He even said things like my girlfriend is innocent and cute, but lately I haven’t been feeling that much love for her. I feel more like her counsellor whenever she’s sad because she’s an emotional person. And meanwhile, he was talking about how he bought premium on a dating app and how to talk to other girls.
ElcaineVolta 2 points 4 days ago
sounds like you're already better off.
stopforgettingit 3 points 5 days ago
He can try to shift the blame how ever he wants, the bottom line is he did not want to be in this relationship, that is not your fault. And you also should not think that changing yourself some how could have saved this relationship in anyway.
I know it feels hollow now but its better that you know his true feelings, because I promise you feeling lonely while you are in a relationship is mountains more painful that feeling lonely while you are single. When you feel lonely in a relationship is tinged with hopelessness and worthlessness because you are contently questioning why the person you love doesn't love you, while you are making moves to try to fix it, never knowing they already forgot about you.
Really, asking how to impress girls while you have a girlfriend is already super cringey and he asked Chatgpt? LOL, I hope you can laugh about this later. I'll give you some great but slightly sexist advise that was given to me by a lady older than my grandmother at the time. "Never run after a man or a bus, there will be another along in 15 mins."
stopforgettingit 2 points 5 days ago
I just read your other post about his cheating, I am sorry you are going thru this. It honestly sounds like he was already pretty bad for your mental health, moving between wanting to break up and also talk about marriage and family. Unfortunately you aren't ever going to get the answer to why he was swinging between these things while also cheating on you. Even if you did sit down and ask him and force him to answer, its not going to be the thing that makes everything ok, only time can do that.
ianhclark510 2 points 5 days ago
Harsh, I’ve been there and it sucks
ianhclark510 2 points 5 days ago
I’m good, a little tired, a little understimulated at work
Akuchimoya 2 points 5 days ago
Platitudes like "it gets better with time" are both true, but also not very helpful in the moment. The truth is, like any injury, this kind of pain does take time to heal, and it sucks in the meantime. I'm sorry. Till then, you have to keep yourself and your life moving on, even if you don't feel like it. Don't let yourself get stuck where you are. You need to give yourself the opportunity to reorient yourself and your life to this change.
For me, the deepest heartbreak I experienced was not a breakup, but the death of a very dear friend. I watched a *lot *of Doctor Who (David Tennant, the first? time). I stopped watching Doctor Who years ago, but I'll always appreciate the show and David Tennant for bringing me tiny bits of fun in those sad days. It's been more than a decade; I still miss that friend and feel sad when I think about him. But it's not a sharp, immediate pain, it's more like wistfulness. And I can think about and appreciate the good times we enjoyed together.
As for an actual breakup after a not-great relationship (which yours sounds like, from your description in another thread), what I can say is that it is way better to be single than to be with someone who doesn't love you. Nor does it seem he even liked you even as a friend. Would you ever treat a friend, even an acquaintance, the way he treated you? Honestly, it sounds like he finally did the right thing by ending it rather than continuing to drag it out. I hope you will understand this with clarity later. Don't settle for that kind of nonsense in the future. Look for someone who is of good character all the time because that's just who they are, not someone who turns it on and off as he pleases.
ianhclark510 2 points 5 days ago
I was able to focus on finding myself, I took all the time and energy I would have invested into the relationship and put towards figuring out what I liked doing and wanted to spend more time on
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relationship_advice
@lemmy.world
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Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated. ##
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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Sure, whats your plans for this weekend? Got any hobbies to occupy your time?
EDIT: just read your other post that has detail on the break up. I am sorry that you are hurt. It sounds like your ex was a jerk and you are better off without them. I know that doesn't help you stop hurting now.
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