My shell cracked this past weekend

3 years ago by oNevia to c/mtf

Getting hit with a lot of emotions. Some scary and some exciting.

My wife is being really supportive and we've been talking through all of this the past couple days nonstop.

Part of me is ready to shave everything and start HRT and feel pretty, but I'm also fucking terrified about how my world will react. It's also only been a few days but I feel like a whole new world has been opened up to me?

I don't know. I want to everyone and nobody so I thought I'd scream into the void here. Hope that is ok.

I'm so fucking empowered by all of you

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irationslippers 9 points 3 years ago

How did you tell your wife? I think I'm in a similar spot, really feel ya regarding being hit with a truck if emotions, but I've no idea how to tell my wife (Technically just gf but of 11 years - starting to understand why I've never had a desire to pop the question )

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oNevion 20 points 3 years ago

I realized I needed to text her that I had something I wanted to bring up about myself. Nothing I thought was bad or anything but told her I needed to text her to keep from chickening out.

So when we were able to talk, I broke down into tears and said "I think I might be trans"

And in an effort to save our marriage and family I needed to be 100% honest with her about my feelings and I needed that in return from her. Even if that means she was struggling to cope.

Again, we have been talking about it from when we wake up to when we go to sleep. Recontextualizing our entire relationship (been together for 15+ years and have a 15mo)

I have found it really affirming to hear her bring up some instances and behaviors in the past that now make total sense to her. I haven't felt this close to her in years and she's willing to support me even though the future for us is kind of uncertain.

She told me this morning I was practically glowing and she could see this massive weight lifted off of me. She told me she missed me so much and is glad to have me back.

I can't say that is how your partner will react and it's still not smooth sailing but keeping the communication going is crucial.

Good luck friend! I'm rooting for you and am here if you wanna talk. I'm new to all of this myself, but I hate the feeling of not knowing who I could talk to in my life about these things.

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Blahaj_Blast 6 points 3 years ago

Your story sounds similar to mine. I was still struggling with the labels so all I could say was "not cis" but that's a difficult thing to tell someone you've been in a relationship with for 10+years "hey.... I might not be who we thought I was" 😅

I'm happy to hear she is accepting and working through it with you. Mine kind of had a crisis of her own trying to reconcile her side of feelings but is supportive and seems more confident in our relationship now, which is awesome. It's definitely not easy but the help is awesome!

My therapist told me at one point "you haven't shown this much personality before" and I think I've seen her in and off a couple years now 😅 although, I got an antidepressant combo that may have helped that, and also probably allowed me enough mental bandwidth to realize I was an egg too!

Also, out of curiosity, did you also spend too much time in egg_irl? 😂

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oNevion 6 points 3 years ago

Girl, I spent time on egg_irl back when I thought i was some sort of open minded cis man. Thinking the memes were hilarious for "some reason"

Even showed some memes to my wife because they're "funny" but I "definitely wasn't trans because of course not!"

It went from idle curiosity - to being "a good ally" by better understanding the trans community - to "oh fuck this is me?"

I remember feeling so sure I wasn't trans and the memes were just quality content 😆

I know hindsight is 20/20, but damn I was blind to sooo many signs through my whole life.

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irationslippers 1 point 3 years ago

Really appreciated you sharing that. Thank you. Xx

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just_squanch_it 0 points 3 years ago

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