Teach it to love the taste of HR blood

Dog frew up egg everywhere

I think I was born with a grifters gene, because once I learned the tooth fairy gives money, I told my parents that a tooth fell out at school, and I lost it, but will the tooth fairy still come? And sure enough she did. I got money for no lost tooth.

Only worked once though. My parents got suspicious when I lost a tooth every day after that.

Tooth fairy can read minds. Don't try to deceive her again, or she will send her cousin, the tongue demon.

Just don't become a landlord like she is, landlordism is the real sin here

Dexter zone

Ah so he fell out of a Wile-e-coyote cartoon

G as in GIF

This is why there's no affordable housing, lidl enjoyers keep eating them all

With your hands

Lait

He created the world as a paradise, for sharks omly

I bet that smelled fucking amazing

.

My cortisol gland just started revving up when I read that

T E S S E L A T E

Belgium then: I'm going to do the most cruel and horrifying colonization in human history!

Belgium now: I'm a quirky fun lil euro state. Come, we have great beer and no dark colonial era secrets!

Chopper style

The maker of Meccha Chameleon made $40m in less than 2 weeks and I happy for him but fuuu why do all the best ideas go to other people?!

Stopped trying