I can't tell if the Onion gets their ideas from the stuff DeSantis does or if DeSantis gets his ideas from reading the Onion.

This looks like the magnetic version of pulling yourself up by the bootstraps.

I canceled all our streaming services and Amazon prime. I canceled my phone service and opted for a $15/month plan (Mint). I buy a cheap phone, about $70 bucks. I asked my wife to stop buying me snack foods at the grocery store to save ~$50/week. All told I think we are not spending ~$300/month that I can now put towards our cars that are starting to break down. Someone said something about savings but I only cultivate dust and stones there.

Just be careful when she goes from suck to blow.

I have nothing to contribute to this conversation. Just wanted to say that was a horribly written article.

"...the shocking savagery of a Palestinian corpse that refused to condemn Hamas even when kicked." Absolute gold!

Fast food isn't a luxury. A luxury is something extravagant, high quality, and highly enjoyable. Fast food is simply an overpriced disappointment.

Upvoted because it truly is an unpopular opinion.

Can't we just enjoy the joke? You've brought up a topic worthy of discussion, but for a shitpost thread?

Edit: Added a word

Rumor has it that Huffman is designing deep sea subs now.

Vanilla à la toad.

For men, sending dick pics is equivalent to a cat bringing you a dead bird. It is the highest gesture they can think of to share, they are so proud of it, but nobody wants it.

Reading through the articles and linked articles in the comments, gas stove emissions contribute to, not a direct cause of, the deaths of .04% of the 50 million people in the US that use gas stoves.

Not saying this isn't important, but I don't think this will ever crack the top 10 concerns of my lifetime.

Was "dick" not a moniker for penis back then? Did they really not know...or DID they know and really leaned into it?

There's probably some loophole about how they can't do it as a hedge fund but a shrub fund is just fine.

BROTHER MAYNARD: Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One.

SECOND BROTHER: And Saint Attila raised the Hand Grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy Hand Grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu—

MAYNARD: Skip a bit, Brother.

Yea, no, look the door is fine - love the door...but...I'd really like a sharp corner on the ceiling where I could bust my head open. Every time. Like literally every time; maybe by the door handle?

Women are at an unfair advantage when competing against men in fishing. History has shown that men almost always report larger than actual fish size. The discrepency is more pronounced the smaller the fish is. This bias in measurement has drifted over to penis size as well.

I'm going to guess the biggest danger to her is breaking a bone on landing. Also, the danger of her skin deploying before the chute.

In a bit of irony, the stool pigeon that informed police was, in fact, Ozawa himself. Police did not expect him to sing like a canary as he confessed to the charges. Ozawa stated the pigeons were sitting ducks as he accelerated towards them. He considers pigeons ugly ducklings and his life's goal is to make as many of them dead as a dodo. Police are keeping a close eye on Ozawa as they found him naked as a jaybird when they arrested him. There are concerns he may try to fly the coop and send police on a wild goose chase.