@Sukisuki

First step is always to realize you need help. Talk to somebody you trust about your situation and make sure they keep an eye on you if things go out of your control. Then look for some professional help. Sometimes the best treatment for this kind of hopelessness is psychotherapy, sometimes you need meds and, most of the times, you need both. You should probably be assessed by a psychiatrist to get the best treatment possible. Hospitalization can be helpful too. Sorry for my English