Well, that was an info dump I didn’t necessarily need. Anyway, if a friend or family said they were going to publicly shame me for asking a question, I wouldn’t be the cook I am today. Fortunately I was allowed to make mistakes and given opportunities to learn.

Assuming this is even real, we don’t know their home life. They appear to be asking for help.

We all start from zero; help them; don’t make them feel embarrassed about trying.

Step 1: Unwrap processed cheese slice and put in mouth. Repeat as necessary.

The one from Shrek

A bit underwhelming.

Somebody laminated my birth certificate. But what are they going to do about it, unborn me? Wait… will they?

Edit: What if somebody laminates my death certificate? 😭

So... People tell me an election year is no time to talk about electoral reform. Every US election year. But! After the election, they scurry away under the refrigerator and stay there for 4 years. I know you have to hold your nose while you vote this time, but catch these weird centrists before they disappear and hold their feet to the fire to influence change. You deserve better than this "I'm not voting for _, I'm voting against _" nonsense. Your government is hurting all of us. Stop it, please.

“Trump signs executive order that Cuomo actually won and that Dick Cheney is still alive.”

Oh, no, this is the next big startup fad, isn’t it?

I googled it so you don't have to.

Ha! I have that same shirt. I have never worn it in public yet, but maybe I will now find an excuse to.

Who is Donald Trump on Jeffrey Epstein’s island, Alex.

go to bed at 2pm and get up at 10pm

While we are making reasonable demands, stop using 12 hour time. Sincerely, everyone else.

Yep, there’s a pneumatic tube attached to that vending machine that goes all the way to Ecuador. Simple physics, really.

I once had an autistic, elderly man living above my room. Whenever I sneezed, I would hear “gesundheit” from the ceiling.