They say they killed 4 decades worth of presidents and never got any call from secret service. I promise you, thats because Clinton was too busy getting laid and playing the saxaphone, Bush was too busy with 9/11, Obama was too busy breaking barriers and dealing with his own death threats, and Biden......honestly, Biden is so old I wouldn't be surprised if he never had a clue what was going on around him.

You think any of them give a fuck, or have even heard of GWAR?

But I guarentee you, tRump was googling his own name, trying to find people praising him. Came across some entertainment story covering GWAR. So tRumps name came up as a death story. His little fee-fees got a boo-boo, and sent the literal secret service to deal with it.

This is who we're dealing with as our president.

Hey, quick question. Honest question. Does anyone have any arguement to be made for how the united states shouldn't officially be labeled as a fascist country?

Maybe I don't get what you're asking.

If you created your own instance, running it on your own, and the Iranian government shut off your internet, YOU could still access the instance, since you're on the same Lan inside your house.....but how would other people access it if you don't have internet?

I've recieved a mod report that the image is broken. I can't see the image, yet everyone else seems to be reacting to the topic as if they can see the image.

So, yay or nay, is everyone here seeing the image?

I'm 42. Back when I was a kid, I noticed certain trends. Old people would tell me "Don't take up smoking....." I'd notice they seemingly HATED smoking. Hated paying for cigarettes. Their lungs were seemingly nonfunctional with how hard they coughed at a moments notice for no reason. I saw no benefits, and everyone smoked when I was a kid. They all hated it, and they all said not to start.

I figured there must be some wisdom to those words, and now as an adult, I've never been addicted to smoking. I'm better off for it.

When I was a kid, all my dads friends told me not to start drinking. When I looked at their lives, I saw a bunch of sad pathetic losers, whose wives seemed to despise them. Their kids didn't respect them. They seemingly had no control over their own lives with how much they drank. One of them was so drunk that he pissed his pants, sitting on his couch, and he didn't even know he was doing it. Many of them said "Don't start drinking." And looking at these losers I figured there must be something to it, if being an alcoholic leads you to this.

And throughout all my life, extremely elderly people will have a random various health issue. And while suffering through whatever that health issue is, I'll be told by an elderly person "Don't get old."

I'm unclear what to do with this information. Are they suggesting suicide? Am I reading the situation correctly, or is there a fountain of youth I'm unaware of?

Basically the parents buy this elf doll. They put it somewhere on in their house. Then they tell their kid to be good for all of December, because this little elf is in your house. The elf is watching everything you do, and reporting back to Santa. But you can't touch the elf, because when humans are around, the elf has to stiffen up, and pretend to be a doll. If you touch the elf, or move him, he doesn't like it, and will tell Santa to skip your house on Christmas. So it's a big deal that elf on the shelf never be physically touched or picked up at all.

Then when the kids leave the room, the parent moves the doll while the kid is away. The kid comes back, see's the doll moved to the other side of the room, and when the kid asks about it, the parent says "Hmmm? No, I didn't touch him. He must have just moved over there when we left the room. Don't touch him! He wants to be over there now."

So the idea is, you now have this magical creature who runs around seemingly with Toy Story rules, except touching him ruins Christmas. Then I come in and IMMEDIATELY grab him, because all I see is a toy. In my mind I was just happy to play with my niece and was instead met with a full on breakdown.

That's Jerry "The King" Lawler. A professional wrestler from the 1970s, best remembered for two things. The first is the time he went on Dave Letterman in the 80s, and slapped Andy Kaufman. And the second thing he's known for is doing color commentary for the WWF as other people wrestle.

In 1993 he was still a wrestler, and WWF had advertised him for something called "Survivor Series". Which was an event you pay money to see where a team of 4 wrestlers fights the other 4 wrestlers. Well he had to be replaced on show, as he was dealing with legal issues in his hometown of Memphis.

The legal issues came about because he began having back and forth discussions with two 14 year old white girls. (Their race will be of note later). He asked them to meet at a local hotel. Stories differ if they had sex, or if he wanted sex but they refused, but the common thing all accounts (except for Lawler himself who denies everything) is that regardless of how things turned out, Lawler showed up expecting sex.

When the girls went to the police, and said he raped them, he wrote a letter to the police and to local media stations. It's important to note that in Memphis he was (and still is) considered to be a huge home grown celebrity. Only surpassed by Elvis.

In the letter he wrote to local media and police, he begged them not to dirty his name on a national level. He said he was too important to deal with these legal issues, and that they weren't even true.

I won't use the language he used, you can use your imagination which word he used, but he essentially said that these two girls were sluts and that they were "lovers of black people". Again, not his actual quote. Use your imagination.

Essentially he was saying that he would never have sex with these two girls, because they had black boyfriends, and THAT was beneith him. At no point did he say having sex with 14 year old girls was something that he was above. Just that it would ruin his reputation and that he was too big of a celebrity for that information to get out.

To this day, I will never understand why pro-wrestling fans never shunned Lawler. I will never understand why they never shunned Stone Cold Steve Austin. It took them 60 years, but they eventually shunned The Great Moolah.

Funnily enough, they shun David Arquette. A 90s actor, who as far as I can tell did nothing wrong. I'll admit he shouldn't have won the title, but he did nothing wrong.

Weird that you'd use a racist pedophile for this meme.

I seem to be the opposite.

poke OW!!!!

Ok, I just gotta poke here, and.....OW!!!! Oh, right. I forgot about that.

Ok, just one last adjustment, and...... poke OW!!!! Oh that's still a thing. Right.

Because my creatures are mostly dead after 2-3 battles in the wild. So you go out, have a few battles, and then cafe to rest. I'm over here at level 23, and still getting killed by level 9 creatures over a few battles.

I mean....yeah....but also the Sandy Hook victims won their lawsuit, and from my understanding he doesn't have a show anymore. He had to give InfoWars over to The Onion.

So, yeah. You haven't heard from him in a while because he has no platform.

I heard there is a dildo company which makes transparent dildos with a hollow center. The idea is, you can unscrew a cover, fill the inside with whatever (in this case ashes) and then you could say you fucked yourself with things you normally couldn't.

You can also pay for this service that blasts a rocket off into space and explodes. With your loved ones ashes in it. Perfect for mafia kills where you need to dispose of a body. Not it's in space, shattered into millions of specs of dust.

!fuck_ai@lemmy.world

Welcome!

You have to sign a waiver.

Soooooo, back in 2016 I had never heard of elf on the shelf. I come over to my sisters house on Christmas Eve. I have a 4 year old niece. Whenever I'd come over, I'd grab the nearest toy and start playing. I think you can see where this is headed.

I hug my niece and right near the door is a little table. On it, I see this little doll. I grab it and say "Oh, hi (her name), you wanna play?"

Usually when I do that in my funny voices, I get smiles, and clapping and giggles. Not this time.

IMMEDIATE banshee screaming, followed by full waterworks. I have no idea what is going on. I know I did something, but I cannot piece it together.

All of this within a few seconds. My family is now screaming NOOOOOOO!!!!! and my sister WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

And my niece is now on the floor wailing. Full on crying like I killed a cat or something.

Meanwhile I STILL don't know what is even happening in this moment. I know I hugged my niece, picked up a doll, and now everyone hates me.

Finally my brother in law sees the scene and saves the day.

"Heeeeeey, it's ok! Uncle doesn't live here! It's powers can only be affected by people who live here?"

And my niece stops crying.

"So Christmas isn't ruined?"

"No! Christmas is still happening just as normal. Everything is fine."

My niece gives me a dirty look, and runs off to her room. Then my mom explained what just happened. And now I get it. Would have been helpful to know BEFORE I came over...

And thats the story of how I was the villain who killed a childs Christmas for 45 seconds.

I have hated Elf on a Shelf ever since. Stupid fucking concept. Plus it normalizes mass surveilance. Though, I guess the same is true of Santa Claus. And the Easter Bunny. And God. And The Tooth Fairy.

Though, to be fair, The Tooth Fairy might not actually be engaging in surveilance. Maybe she just has a tooth sensor installed in your pillow. It was never made clear to me the logistics of The Tooth Fairy.

2 lbs isn't that heavy for pee. I've peed that out many times.

What I can't figure out is why sometimes I weigh myself, then go poop, and then weigh myself again.

And now somehow I weigh 3 lbs MORE!!!!

Am I pooping out dark matter???

What??? No!!! That's awful!!! How could you DO such a thing????

........there might be a dog inside!!!

mom crying

"Why are you crying, mom?"

"I ju-hu-hu-hu-ust wanted to see a gorilla rip that boy to shreds!!!! Is that so much to ask???"

mom runs off to her room crying

Introducing the SteamDeck Pro! Now with Knuckles!

Is that the song that plays in the cafe? Thats the only one I've heard with lyrics. I'm getting sick of that song, just because sooooooo much of the game is go out, fight, come back to the cafe. Repeat.

So you hear 30 seconds of that song over and over and over. It has the same effect on me that radio songs before the 2000s did. You just never want to hear it again.

Then you're just sitting on the toilet like "I'm certain.....I'm certain......". Then you get mad that now you're singing the song.

You'd need a bigger box, but what I used to do is wait until my cat was in a box, and then.....I'd close the box!!! Don't worry, these boxes aren't airtight. She can breathe just fine.

But then I'd go tell my girlfriend (who I lived with at the time) that (something she recently ordered) had arrived. That she should send it in for a return because something was wrong....

Inevitably she'd come in and open the top of the box (which was already visably open, so all she was doing was opening the flaps). And inside was our cat Karmalee.

Which, I'm sorry. I don't have pictures of Karmalee on my phone. It was 25 years ago.

But she'd switch from angry, to cute mode in an instant. Which is my kind of prank. Where they think something bad happened, but in reality nothing bad happened, and now heres a cute cat.