My favorite take on the always tells lies/always tells truths puzzle is that the explanation itself was also a lie and both guards will say whatever they think is funniest because guarding is boring work.

At that point you should just get a tankless and never have your shower cry sessions interrupted by cold water again.

Boing: Fuck it! We'll do it live!

It's not implausible. Being a famous wit and wacky character can get someone a lot of latitude. I'm reminded of the Emporer of the United States, a locally famous weirdo who lived in San Francisco way back. Among his other notable hijinks, he was unemployed, yet never went hungry because he printed his own alternate currency (which he insisted was the only valid currency). Many of the local shops and restaurants just accepted it like official money even though it was worthless to anyone else, because everyone enjoyed his antics so much.

Most people I've encountered who are into astrology ignore the planetary signs and alignments completely. Weirdly this annoys me far more than just believing in it. Like, if you're going to put your faith in a fantasy system and make actual life decisions around it, at least take the actual details of the fantasy seriously. How dare you oversimplify my personality to just my solar birth sign, and not account for my lunar and planetary signs as well. Was Mercury in fucking retrograde when I was born? What House were they in? Were any planets in alignment or opposition? Because details matter, and according to your stupid system those are important details. If you're going to believe in bullshit, the least you could do is actually commit to it. Come on single-sign-astrology people, get your shit together and stop half-assing it. Or, even better, you could just forget the whole thing because it's all nonsense.

I wouldn't ever order it off of a menu, but if it was served at a party, I would absolutely try a small slice.

Diogenes: "I feel the same way, bro. I would want to be me too."

I do exactly this with chips and salsa.

Ah, the classic medieval Katzenwerfer.

I don't think anyone's upset she lived, but there have been a lot of cases where officer's inability to aim have added a lot of casualties from hitting random people in their field of fire.

I sometimes think it would be kinda nice to have a bigger penis, but then I remember things like this and think, nah, average is good.

If I take the post title literally, 3 or 1 look the most qualified to mystically bestow a sword on a rightful king. However, if the title is the euphemism I assume it is, then 5 would be my first pick.

Just... wow. Gorgeous.

Short red or blue for me.

So, will native Philidephians be more upset that someone put cheese steak on a cheesecake, or that you called it a 'Philly' when it is adulterated with peppers and missing one of the two acceptable [traditional] cheeses (American [Provolone] or whizz)? Place your bets and hopefully a real Philadelphian can let us know which is more upsetting. I'm betting on the latter, but not heavily.

That would be a dream.

Oh nice! I caught your day 2 picture this morning while browsing All on my main account's server at work and I couldn't comment then because I don't remember my porn account password. It's a good thing no customers walked in, I was tenting my pants pretty hard. Now I get home and fire up my porn account to tell you that, and I find an even sexier picture of you. Your nipples look every bit as suckable as I'd imagined from the sneak peak in the previous picture. I'm glad there weren't any negative comments this time. I think making a game of it really ups the anticipation.

It's too bad that jokes about Uranus don't combine well with jokes about astrology, since astrology was invented before the discovery of Uranus. It would have been great if astrology did account for Uranus, since Uranus has been the butt of many jokes.

Edit: I just looked it up and my mistake, modern astrology does account for the position of Uranus. It apparently represents "individual liberty, egoistic liberty." Apparently Uranus was in Sagittarius (for what reason I will not speculate) when I was born, though thankfully I didn't witness that personally.

4 or 2, or any of them.

Wow wow wow. Is there a source for this? Who is the redhead?