Hi, and thank you. I feel practically everything you're describing. It is hard to describe it. Some days my gender identity feels super obvious, some days I question why I dont feel more terrible when it doesnt align and some days I do feel terrible when it doesnt align. I guess its alot of the "going back and forth" that makes the struggle hard for me? Like, 5/7 days a week I live in the old flesh suit since Im at work (I do just now realize that, even if I dont feel terrible every day im there, i do always long for getting home and re-dressing 😅).

Theres a huge pride parade nearby next weekend and Im determined to go out in fem clothing for the first time 😬❤️ Wish me luck, im super excited 😅❤️

Thank you so much for this comment. I do have atleast some of these thoughts but just a very hard time accepting my own answers as valid for some reason. The tone in this message is perfect and very much resonates with me, so really, thank you very much for this ❤️

Thank you! I have tried that but I feel like Im so used to being "detached" from myself that it doesnt really feel that terrible, although not right. I do know very surely that I would prefer a feminine body over a masculine one though. That is very apparent to me. I have had extremely litte or no interest at all at expressing or being perceived as masc.

Thank you for the comment. I think the "irreversible" thoughts might make this feel more like a life-or-death situation, but you are entirely right.

And you might be onto something. Ive been at the very least curious about exploring femininity for atleast 16 years. I grew up in a pretty old-fashioned small town and I dont even think I heard the term "trans" until high school. So alot of my teens was just confusion regarding why I didnt like my body and feeling ashamed for wanting to explore my feminine side. The environment was also reflected in my parents and although I felt, atleast then, that they were more well-read and reasonable than most people around there was still not communication or outwards acceptance to anything outside the "old societal norms".

I tried to keep up the masc appearance, socially and visually, but that never felt right. The solution, which I guess was basically just to survive, was to just wear anything baggy clothes and oversized hoodies so that I didnt have to witness my body. And I guess I just got used to that? I mean. It never felt "good" to dress up but atleast it wasnt terrible. Also, since I didnt like acting masc I usually stayed away from most guys being overly masc, the football dudes acting up and playing macho was terrible so it usually ended up with me hanging out with the weird kids or the girls. Which felt way more at home.

I did have a wild experience when I got my first dress and my partner did my makeup, I think thats the first time I looked in the mirror and thought that I, me, not my clothes but actually my face, looked beautiful. So yeah, might just be used to the lows as you say? That also adds up since i have now noticed the "bad" days where I only see my old features in the mirror and that is a very noticable shift to the bad vibes.

Thank you, that warms my heart ❤️

Actually a good idea, might get on that 🤔

I always play as female characters in any game. Turns out i was just trans all along. Who couldve seen it coming? 🤷‍♀️

Hi, fellow swede here going through the same process, luckily i had another therapist who could refer me to the right person. However, heres the general outline of what you need.

You need a "remiss" from your health center to a special therapist that can determine whether they should actually send another "remiss" for a gender dysphoria evaluation. Not every therapist is allowed to send that apparently. Gender dysphoria is a required diagnosis to actually get help and only a limited amount of teams can actually do that evaluation.

You can always change your health centre on 1177 if they refuse to send the initial one but that might include more wait time before you can actually get in contact with them. Also, do remember, the current government has ruined the waiting queues for health care in general but trans care is especially fucked, worst case ive read is 6 years before an evaluation and then you havent even started or planned any treatment yet.

We do have "vårdgaranti", dont forget that, which means if youre in queue for over 6 months you can ask any other clinic on the country that is allowed to do the evaluation to take you in, cutting the queue times if youre able to travel. I dont know how this affects costs though, you might have to pay for the visit then.

I wish you all the best of luck friend! Hopefully we can both get the help we need ❤️

Solid 3

Also, if anyone has any information on the private health care and if they can speed things up in any way id be very thankful. I thought they couldnt do anything in this situation but reading through the other comments it seems like they might?

I'll third it. A friend of my uses "dude", ofc no ill intent, says it to everyone and really does mean it in a gender neutral way. I never expected to have such a gripe with it but it really fucks with your head

One where I see through my own mask while at the office.

Working on finally talking to my partner about my identity journey and some of the things ive found out with therapy lately. I know its the step forward it just makes me incredibly anxious to open up about. In the long run I think it will be extremely helpful and I already know that basically nothing can/will go wrong, just the brain making it incredibly hard.