Every conversation my mother and grandmother had for the last 10 years of my grandmother’s life (just change the name):

Grandmother: “Do you remember Sue Smith?” Mom: “I don’t think so.” Grandmother: “ Yes you do, Sue Smith.” Mom: “Sue Smith? Where would I know her from?” Grandmother: “ She lived two houses down from us over on Suwannee Street.” Mom: “I don’t remember a Sue Smith from the neighborhood.” Grandmother: “She was Sue Jones before she got married.” Mom: “OH Sue Jones! Yeah I remember her!” Grandmother: “Well she died.”

Every. Single. Time.

Sadly died of cancer. Apparently fought it for some time, but kept it private.

Do it! DO IT!! Shut up talking about it, and let’s get the civil war started!! Because I suspect it will be over before supper time.

In reality all they’re going to do is talk about it, because they’re small weak little people. Look at the big bad Proud Boys. When faced with the consequences of jail, they cried like little girls and begged the judges to take pity on them. Only one defiantly yelled “TRUMP WON” on his way out is the courtroom, but that was even after he cried and groveled.

One of the most classic Far Side cartoons. It looks like it’s been edited to add to the sides (it was originally more square) and recolored.

This requires Norm McDonald’s moth joke:

https://youtu.be/jJN9mBRX3uo?si=yXu19Qvvac_jAfM7

A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”

The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all…Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good."

And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”

And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on."

This man is a national treasure.

They obviously left out a word.

“relationships. amiright?”

The gas station down on the corner. When I first moved here, I went there all the time because it was convenient. Gas, bread, soda, you name it, I would swing through there and pick it up. I stopped every single work morning and got coffee on the way to work. I started bringing my own insulated cup, so they charged me less. Then it was bought by a new owner, and he wanted to charge me more. Okay, it was still cheaper than if I used their cup and more convenient than making it at home - they provide the coffee, sweetener, creamer, and there's no clean up on my part. One day I went in with a new cup that was the same capacity as the old cup. A different shape, but it held the same number of ounces. The owner said, "that cup's bigger, I charge you more." I tried to argue, but he didn't budge, and he charged me the same amount as a large coffee in their cup. Now, I'm not stupid, I've worked in retail before, I know the largest cost to a cup of coffee is the cup, but I paid it, walked out the door, and never set foot in there again. That's been eleven years ago, and I don't plan to go back. I hope the few cents he greedily wanted over coffee was worth all the other lost sales.

I’m very familiar with this case because of Randy Cassingham’s True Stella Awards (sadly discontinued). Here’s a few facts -

1. She wasn’t driving the car, her nephew was.
2. The car wasn’t moving, he pulled over and stopped so she could put in the cream & sugar.
3. MOST IMPORTANTLY, the coffee that McDonald’s served was not consumable by a human because of the excessive temperature.
4. She was hospitalized for 8 days with 3rd degree burns, followed by 2 years of medical treatment.
5. She only sued for $20,000 to cover her medical expenses.

Those facts are not in dispute, but, instead of quietly paying her medical bills (which is all she wanted) and moving on, McDonald’s PR decided to publicly smear her and paint her as “DuH, sHe OrDeReD hOt CoFfEe ThEn BuRnEd HeRsElF. DuRr HuRr….”

She absolutely was the victim, but McDonald’s turned her pain into a punchline. All the way to the point that most average people today still believe that it was a frivolous lawsuit, when she deserved what she got and more because of her severe pain.

Also, if there were no victims in civil suits, there would be no civil suits. That’s the entire point, one party has been aggrieved, and they want compensation from the other party.

The sad part is that, I think this is fake, but I’m not 100% sure. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I will never - NEVER - forgive them for shutting down Google Reader. That’s the closest I’ve come to cutting everything Google out of my life, and I’m still salty about it today.

They don’t know anything about those tickets, other than what’s written on them. What if the service was poor/slow? The food cold or bland? Flies flying around? The customer was elderly, and that’s the most they could afford? There’s a hundred reasons why the tip may be low. It’s a gratuity - to express gratitude or displeasure. If they don’t like how I tip, take tipping out of the equation and pay your servers. The dirty secret that most people don’t realize is that, in the US, if a servers’ tips don’t add up to the servers making at least minimum wage, the business is required by law to pay the difference. So this is basically a restaurant acting like a spoiled child - the customer didn’t give them enough, now we have to. WAHH WAHH!!

I would never again frequent a business that does this. You’re a business that relies on customer satisfaction, but you want to shame customers? Hard pass. I don’t care how good the food is. The other opt-out for me is any place that publicly says the tired, “Nobody wants to work anymore.” Lots of people want to work, just not for you, and you’re turning your poor business decisions into a political issue. Nope.

Thanks dad.

I'm glad to see the Broncos getting blown out. I hope sphincter-mouthed Sean Peyton never wins another game. There are few coaches that I really can't stand, but he is at the top of the list. Okay, he's second to Bobby Petrino, but it's a close second.

I would bet dollars to doughnuts that they have communication between Trump and the Proud Boys and/or other far right groups coordinating the attacks. Jack Smith has a 99% conviction rate, and he is not going to recommend indictment without some pretty iron-clad evidence. Just because the evidence hasn't been made public yet doesn't mean that the prosecution doesn't have it.

Trust me when I say, Alabama’s gon’ Alabama.

I didn’t read close enough and thought you said TikTok. I thought to myself, “TikTok has reminders?!?”

Looks like it’s time for me to sell my Roku stock that I bought during the pandemic when their price was constantly going up.

To be fair, it’s pretty telling that I have a TV with built in Roku, but I only use it to access my Apple TV which is faster and smoother.

Am I supposed to see a face? Because I definitely see a face.