I know we can't give awards so I'm just going to announce my unrequited love and respect for bacon for giving me a heads up for melbourne coming back online. Now I can recover my journal into a document and i'll just keep posting on this zone. Still, I like this DT now. So here I am, declaring my unrequited love and respect for my saviour, Bacon!!!!!

Happy thursday. Got up and am just finished chairing my first online AA meeting. Service and volunteering are in my blood. Service is the last step and I have a lot of work to go to get to that bit, but I've been doing volunuteer work since I could. I started in cubs all those years ago. Another place where all the boys called me a girl and I didn't mind at all.

Have the transgender victoria job fair today so I have to try and get some normal looking outfit together. Being female makes this a lot easier than wearing a fucking suit and tie and having that corporate rope around my neck.

Then I have my usual volunteer work to do on a thursday, counselling and another aa meeting specifically for trans people and allies, then probably more aa with my normal 24/7 group.

I'm over what happened yesterday, but everyone be aware that trolls impersonating our old friends from the reddit DT are here spreading their vitriol so if something seems a bit off from a familiar face, message the og so you can confirm who it is I guess,

Thanks to Briongloid for super prompt action dealing with it and for everyone for reminding me that for every doucebag transphobe I have 50 allies or more! Have a beautiful winter solstice everyone and get some dirt under your toes and hug a tree or whatever connects you to mother nature. She's my guide at the moment. Bless her.

Getting there slowly, but stronger and geez more femme every day. The boost to my oestrgen levels last week and quitting booze have had marked effects on my mood. I'm teary but it's cos I feel so in love with life at the moment. I planned to arrive at this moment and did.

I have so much to look forward to today and I'm grateful for everyone here for being here and sharing mine and your thoughts. So many kind and funny people in one place, this is the Melbourne we all know and love. The bits where we are not being tailgated down punt road or made to feel like pawns in a property investment scheme. People wonder why we love this place so much, it's because of the people not the cool shops and so called liveability.

Happy pride, both rainbow and city!!

Someone was complaining on reddit about this thread being in some sort of competition with them to have more comments. So this puts us one more ahead of them. As you were, I'll get my coat.

Also my void has a leak and eyes.

Image is of a big black kitten with a white patch on their stomach.

Okay, been a little quiet for reasons.

@Nath@aussie.zone

I've been waiting for this to go live to get back about how you can help. This is one way. https://transjustice.org.au/

Support the trans justice project. I suggest this as they seem really well organised and this project is happening now.

You could also suggest the company you work for do inclusivity training, Transgender Victoria offer what I understand to the best of this. https://tgv.org.au/training

Of course, there are many organisations you can donate to or volunteer with who support and or advocate for trans, gender diverse, non binary and intersex people. As well as the two above organisations, there is

https://transcend.org.au/

https://www.minus18.org.au/

https://www.switchboard.org.au/

All of these utilise skills from a huge range of fields so pretty much anything you can do they can use. There are more too, but these are the one's I can vouch for. Unfortunately queer orgs are low on the list of many government support initiatives so many of these organisations really do need money and or volunteers to continue their work. I volunteer a couple of afternoons a week, the odd Saturday and then a little bit every day for my role. I suggest you support these organisations as working alone can be challenging and they know what they're doing. Apart from that, keep up the anti-discriminatory language vibe here, it's a big deal for me personally to feel supported and safe here. Mental health outcomes are poor for a lot of trans people and I have to actively work on mine by only living in safe spaces. We all ultimately have to advocate for ourselves too. Some people have a lot less capacity for that than I do though and this outlet here forms part of that capacity. <3

Thanks Nath, Rusty and the whole DT family. Like, a whole lot!!! <3

EDIT< A single tear just ran down my cheek and under my chin after I posted this. I'm ok!

Oh yeah, see what I mean about the downvotes? ffs.

lmao. it's all my posts now. wow. someone is reading, well done, you have no idea about the level of persistence I'm capable of.

So, my downvoter is obviously targetting anything I wrote with obvious transgender references. Mods, I can't report them, but its very obvious. I can't even block them. It's deliberate and designed to wear me down. People say, be resilient, but that doesn't help. People say their allies, but it's all talk and no real action. .

Also, Nath, Please take the time to read the report into trans hate. https://transjustice.org.au/...

It's pointless writing no transphobia if you don't know how to recognise it, where it comes from or what to actually do about it. Blocking and banning people does nothing, people just re-sign up and continue their beligerence in a new name. This is why I'm thinking of leaving and it means the transphobic loser wins. It's highly likely to be one of the regular posters here too.

There was a show on channel 7 last night again spreading complete lies about trans and gender diverse people and used people's photos without their consent. This is real and why I'm not in the mood much to report people here. I'll be writing complaint letters today and helping those who are now suffering because of their parents and such watched this crap and are fielding questions on where to turn for support. I do all this as a volunteer. I have a normal job too. I'm about at my capacity of dealing with the microaggressions and I'd like you to use what powers you have to stop the fucker from downvoting trans content. It seems silly and small, but no one else has been targeted.

Also remember, I now am about to catch public transport to about the only safe job I can find at the moment looking obviously trans the morning after this bullshit aired. It's not that I'll think I'll be targeted, but it's fucking anxiety inducing. Just remember, I'm not making up straw man arguments to bitch. I could a victim, THIS MORNING.

Sorry kids, have a nice day and enjoy bacon's breakfast.

An AA mate made me flush my weed down the toilet. Take the hit. I wasn't smoking anyway. Fucking waste of money but it's better than relapsing, that would cost a lot more ultimately.

Brekky at the caff. A few groceries, then i'm gonna get my arse into gear, clean the kitchen, make that fucking stew finally, go for a walk and play guitar. As always I face fucking transphobia from losers on the online meeting just as I do everywhere else pretty much online. Funny how fucking weak people are. I never experience it in person. Interestingly though immediately after I read it someone read the sickness part. This program is working for me anyway and the group are really supportive and accept me for who I am. That person will be banned. It's just fucking frustrating. /ent rant. Today will be good a day

So apparently someone is impersonating epicpillowcase and made what I thought was a joke from them but was completely transphobic. Also apparently other fake dupes exist. reported and blocked, but they'll have another account so it's fucking useless . who ever you are don';t think you'll stop me posting about my amazing journey, and I'll start calling out the fucking terfs and incels again now as well. just when we thought were untouched by the hands of fuckwits

Quitting vapes has been easier than I thought. God what a fucking waste of money. GP bulk billed my telephone appt. Amazing weather. Cats are happy. Friends have been in touch, they're both related to my old workplace so I do have some nice memories and reflections of it finally. I still have daily violent fantasies of kneecapping or bashing the brains in of the person there who sexually assaulted and harassed me and also undermined my work but I think that's part of the healing process. I hope I don't see him though. I'm a pacifist and he can probably fight, but it might be ugly.

Work was good, took my colleague for some driving practise before their license test tomorrow. She's another trans woman and working with and chatting with her has been fantastic. I'm not saying cis people are an issue to work with as my boss and other colleagues are also wonderful, but talking to someone who gets almost every bit of what I'm experiencing because they're experiencing too is really nice. She's also not at all the stereotypical trans woman either so we can also bitch about the gatekeepers and the lack of a real trans "tribe".

Another kinda busy night of aa and such and some food, then bed before 9. Fuck it's nice to feel like I'm in control of my future and my plans keep coming up milhouse.

Thanks for reading.

Wow, I think I've finally established some kind of regular routine to life. What a fucking year it's been. Looking forward to enjoying the regularness of a new life I worked pretty hard to set up, sober and female. My adhd seems to have settled down a lot now I've cut back on caffiene, no booze and better levels of oestrogen in my bloodstream.

I do aa, play with my cats, make food, do a little exercise and waste time on the internet. I need to start looking for work, but I have very few usable skills which don't pertain the the music industry. My sister's eap extends to immediate family and they do career counselling so I'm calling them on Monday. Jobs victoria also, and then try and get another look into doing one of these carer trainesships. I don't want to have to become a cleaner or dishpig so someone who can identify my strengths would be excellent.

At least I've been active work wise while I've been on leave with all the volunteering. Meh, 15 years of two nights a week for a good wage and now I'll be back to full time to get close to that again. I don't think it will be a bad thing though, all that free time just led me to substance abuse time and again. Being trans has been such a great opportunity for complete re-invention and enabled me to look after and love myself properly for the first time in my life, so I'm gonna be ok. thx for reading, and thanks everyone for following my journey both here and before on reddit. I've felt such wonderful things and made a couple of new friends from the people who've replied and engaged. It even seems like my downvoters have disappeared.

r/melbourne has become a current affair in text form.

I woke up about 445am. Cats somehow know as soon as I wake up and I have to get up because they fuss about, start playing and the little kitten gets up in my face and sits on the laptop i have next to the bed I play youtubes on to lull me back to sleep. Little angels. Going to take my anti-anxiety/sleeping meds early tonight so I can get my circadian rhythm in line with their 5am wake time and not have to try and live everyday on 5 hours sleep.

I start every day now with an AA meeting. I found an amazing 24/7 online group and a wonderful sponsor from the US outta there. I thought I'd have trouble with the higher power stuff but I was obviously ready to begin a spiritual path to become a better person in the world and more helpful.

More volunteer work for trans people today. I'm embroiled in it again this week as a couple of people couldn't work. Have tomorrow off, but back into it on Thursday. I'm on my way to a b cup now!!! Omg they feel so special and sacred. I'm in tears and euphoric. The extra oestrogen I'm taking now has also brought a bit of libido on but of course female desire is so much different to male testosterone arousal. I'm a fuckin girl for real!! Woohoo

Thanks for reading everyone!

Man it looks amazing out there today. Pity I have 30 emails to answer this morning. Volunteering has its ups and downs but I got such amazing feedback yesterday from my manager and then still couldn't work cos my brain was too foggy. So I'll try and pull a big effort today and get as much done as I can so it's not all up to someone who really doesn't have the time.

Anyone else done AA? I've found a zoom group which is always online and at the very least just listening is helping, and I get a sense of calm when for the last three months I've been a complete anxious mess most days. I was worried they'd try and talk about de-transition but they've actually been super trans-positive and sensitive. I need sensitivity in my life as I've upped my oestrogen intake by 50% this week and it's feeling pretty amazing but yeah, deeper. Only a few more days alcohol withdrawl to go and I'll be steady enough to get back on my skateboard, though I'm going to try again today anyway.

Wow physical meet up between a couple of DT mates was nice. Got a message of support also from another DTer. You peeps know who you are. Thanks a lot. I'm resigning myself to believe that I cast that shit into the ether and let it out rather than bottling it up and can always tell my story in another way anyway. Incredible to meet someone irl with similar shit going on and not pause for breath for an hour. Food and hot bevs were excellent. St kilda is iconic. I'm definitely getting in the north vs south war by now. Great day for a skate. Hopefully I'll not too wobbly.

Everythings coming up Milhouse. New job is good, exercise and money. Close enough to home and might be really close after training. aa is working. Finally got some closure on my previous shit cunts of employers and co workers, can resign and move on with life. Holiday is over and I have a new job. Also got news my son and mum are coming down for a couple of weeks in August. Got interviewed yesterday for a trans book and photo exhibition. So much positivity going around. Service work today, aa and my organistiion. Cook another vege stew, go for a walk, another meeting and then bed. My days are full of joy at the moment. Plus constantly playing with the cats. They are super happy at the moment. I got some treats from Aldi. They love them a bit too much but it's bringing us closer.

Not enough is said about the blood on everyone's hands from their cocaine use. For about every ounce, there's a death. The cut to shit over priced ego powder has ruined Columbia and destroyed a million families. I'll continue my crusade, but it's almost pointless. People just don't give a shit unless its in their backyard. But hey, 15 minutes of thinking your better than everyone else is al worth it.

Everything came up milhouse at the gp today. I'm healthy af, ideal weight, hormone levels are exactly where they should be and my bp and ecg are so bloody normal I feel basic.

If the matlidas win and I have a nice walk along the beach in the sun it'll be perfect. Wish the game didn't start at 8pm though, there's no way I'll stay up for the whole thing.

What to eat for the game though? I think the usual rice cakes marg and low salt vegemite will do fine. Staying away from processed foods, sugar and booze are obviously doing wonders for me. After the total glum and transphobia of last week, I feel positively fucking on fire. Thanks Milho

Did some more voluteer work today. Public transport anxiety relieved. It was fine. Had a job interview straight after and I got it! I was lucky that I got my shit together when I did and started applying for jobs just to get into the habit. It's average pay and humble work which will pay the bills. The owner is great and at least it's award wage and she looks after her workers. Potentially will start working locally as well in time so would be able to walk to work. Mostly queer staff, lots of trans people apparently. Not sure how great that will be yet, but at least I won't face transphobia at work. It's going to be hard work and it won't do me any harm to do a job I can at least leave at work even if I spend the time looking at my watch. My only worry is that my back is starting to hurt but I spent a lot of time standing on hard floors this weekend. Being biologically female now means it will take longer to get work fit than in the past, but that's ok too. Start Wednesday so I have some time to do some stretching and get into my warm up routine. It's a fucking relief to not have to start spending too much of my savings.

I had a very decent music career for a long time, but I've had issues with most of that time. It is run by mysoginistic cunts and when I stepped out of that and moved into nightclubs they were still run by mysgonistic cunts. My last employer was a total wolf in sheeps clothing. At least I have a real connection with my new boss. We worked for the same queer magazine in different cities over 20 years ago. Back when those jobs were very low pay and we did them for the community moreso than having a disposable income. Now I'm in recovery I also want to step away from the alcohol industry. It feels kinda inauthentic to be so adamant about being sober for life and then profiting from alcohol sales. At least at this point and to take sobriety seriously I can't step foot in a bar for a while.

So this cat alarm and getting early nights have paid off. Thanks kitties. Couldn't have done this without you. Little miracles. They get extra playtime tomorrow. That'll do for today. Thx for reading

Super keen to hear Chaka Khan and Chic in concert. But I don't want to pay. Anyone else keen to sit on a blanket outside the fence and just listen? We could also dance. We've all seen bands and light shows and those people are old. They'll be amazing and it's the jazz fest so I'm hoping it's disco with jazz flair. Cos seriously chic although paying a shit ton of my bills over the years are done to death. Chaka Khan on the other hand could sing the fucking phone book and I'd be balling my eyes out at AB.

My apologies for ranting a lot this week. I have had serious doses of both misogyny and misgendering from people who really should be better recently and this place is my journal and vent. Still, I understand we don't come here just to complain. I don't want to offend men or sound like a basher, all the guys here are great. So again, I'm sorry if my misandry has made anyone feel isolated or frustrated. Its unfair to paint every man with the same brush and the last thing I should be doing here is creating any kind of tension or division. Because misandry is as bad as misogyny and we all should be looking at ways to reduce both. nuff said I think.

I just passed six months on hrt and did myself up really nice to go to dinner with a new friend last night. She couldn't make it and I waited 45 minutes for her, drove for an hour between home and fitzroy and back and of course spent two hours prettying myself up for the affair. I still felt absolutely amazing anyway and she really needed to spend time securing a safe place to live. Gender euphoria is reported less than than all the bad stuff and bad press about having a gender incongruence, but it's a completely beautiful natural high which can last moments or hours. Last night I didn't want to go to bed as it was one of the times it kept giving. My physique is changing more rapidly now and it's pretty fucking fun and so rewarding. thx for reading. Yesterday and today are real milestones in my journey.

Another pretty big day and I'll sleep well tonight. Walked 9ks all up which is satisfying. Did a volunteer shift at the finders keepers market for my organisation. The welcome to country was powerful. We sold heaps of stuff. I left feeling euphoric. Being around other super positive trans people is food for the soul. Like good tasty wholesome food too. After being almost lectured by another older sllightly further in their jouney trans woman last night that I wasn't doing it right it was very refreshing. Love, I've lived in my head for 50 years, I think I know the kind of woman I am and where to head in my transition. Another shift tomorrow and a job interview straight after.

Strange times indeed. The employer is friends wih my of my old employers from over 20 years ago and we both worked for the same queer newspaper in different cities. And they have lots of trans staff. It's basic early morning work which suits my new lifestyle to a t. It'll pay the bills and give me a lot of free time to keep working on my recovery till I find some new calling. Or it might work out to be totally my thing.

Considering how mentally unwell I was a month ago I feel like a very different person today. The adhd has calmed right down and despite some low level anxiety I'm finding happiness and some of that wonderful thing that is peace of mind.

Thanks for reading as always.