I do not believe in another life or reincarnation, but to some extent (it is not a belief, nor a religion) I think we possibly live in a multi-verse, where all the potential outcomes exist, and our universe is just one of them.

While in the egg, i was telling myself that a cis (woman) of myself existed in such a universe, and I wished I could trade place...

In retrospect, I find hard to believe that I used all those small coping mechanisms but only realised later that I was a trans-woman... the mourning that took place later when I realised I was really a woman, just in the wrong body, was HARD.

It sometimes is nice to have an overview of what the tankies propaganda is, but really, as an anarchist their discourse is disgusting... and I feel we already have enough of the propaganda with hexbear and co, so this will be a soft no for me.

You are what you are, understanding ourselves is difficult for some. For me, I went from 'I want' to 'I am' in steps. Some of those steps where feeling nothing (agender), to feeling girlish, to being almost certainly being a woman. And it all started (and stayed like that for a loooong time) with just a 'I would have wanted to be a woman instead of man'. From what I read you may be non-binary without really knowing how to express it, just give it time.

You have to remember that you don't have to conform (but from what I read, you may already know that). I can only talk from my own experiences. While I may not be completly binary now, I was definitly agender before (I think because the dysphoria was preventing me from even thinking about being feminine). I never really liked the agender pronouns (my mother tongue has its own complications that english do not have), and was uncomfortable with expressing myself with a pronoun that is so recent that I never heard it used by anyone (saw it written though). On the opposite spectrum I saw people on tv expressing a strong imperative to make it known that they are agender (no pronoun was used though). We are all different but also there is no right way and we are all valid.

As for the dysphoria, it was for me the most ridiculous display of denial I could possibly display for so many years. From my teenage years to my forties, I felt a disgust for my face (mainly), yet I always said to myself this was a normal part of life, all that along with thinking I really wanted to be a woman. The denial was so strong that I could not put two and two together.

Now, the fact that that you actually tried to go for an hysteretomy demonstrate in my opinion a level of disgust that I would qualify as dysphoric (you want to erase you most caracteristic feminine attribute). I really understand that the obstacles may seem too strong for a benefit that may seem too hypothetic, but I think its worth to try again some time later (or elsewhere). It is also fine to live as you are if you are content as you are. So the real question to ask yourself is: are you ?