That'd be just lovely. I might be lucky that I'm more butch -- some old men think that I'm just a young man who finally dresses right -- and so boymode for me may not be as traumatic as it is for more femme people.

wow, ecofascism speed run right here. "Humans," deserve it? Human entitlement? You sure there isn't something more specific than that which doesn't also construct humanity in a way where colonized people who have fought this the entire fucking time aren't naturally deserving of suffering because of some innate, human behaviour that they must also have?

Yes, I'm sure it feels like "strawmaning" or unfair or whatever because you don't mean to say that, but this is the narrative you just accepted. Think about who would benefit the most from that narrative, those colonized people, you, or the fucks who actually have power in this system and intend to commit even further genocide on colonized peoples to keep this all going? Which one of those three would most benefit from the assertion that this is a result of "human entitlement," and not a specific system built to benefit a narrow group of people?

Had to boymode for an event with my partner's family, which wasn't a ton of fun. I don't know about any of y'all, but I feel like we should get at least a week off every time we have to do something like that.

I don't even know if it was the gendered element of crying. Certainly that was an element, but I've never really wanted or cared about appearing masculine enough beyond like, understanding I'd be punished for defying those norms. The way we teach and allow men to defend themselves often also forces them to use aggression and anger, or they'll be left to defend themselves from other men who take gentleness as weakness, and are always anxious about their position in the hierarchy. Unfortunately, even if you live in a place that allows some marginal deviation from those gendered norms, most men are kind of stuck with other men, and if you don't get along with them (as many trans women obviously don't), you're defending yourself a lot. So, it's also just a survival coping mechanism to use anger over sadness when these are emotions that are so often interlinked and cooperative.

I honestly have just always had a hard time crying, even when I wanted to. I mentioned it elsewhere on this thread, but it felt like there was a literal block in my eyes that kept me from doing it. Being trans just also makes you have to clamp up a lot, and maybe there's a psychosomatic element in how much relief you can safely indulge in before you're in danger. I don't want to discount the gendered socialization by any means, I know we all have to suffer through untangling that from ourselves, but it is always tough to tell if I had internalized a behaviour, or adopted one to secure my own sense of identity (like not getting along with men because I refused to be like them, and did not let them behave the way they all let each other behave).

Oh my god yes, it's like I was cut off from an entire realm of emotional and bodily understanding. I felt these emotions the entire time (and worse), but there was no way of externalizing them.

Yeah, it's another injury forced on us. But, it also allows you to foster an optimism for the unbelievable in a way that most people are highly discouraged from ever hoping for. Some of you may meet this with humour, but try accepting the discomfort and learning how to live with it, use it, and get excited from it.

Pretty much the same here, it's like that valve was blocked and now all the pressure releases .