Stating objective facts isn't really a roast...

Yay. Spent a lot of time taming the barn cat kittens so they could get homes when I was a kid...

Ya, I'm kinda torn... All the things you mention, but then there's my ADHD which makes objects disappear from existence if I don't see them.

This is the way

My friend suggested "A Surrender"

When I moved from the Northwoods of Wisconsin to Los Angeles (Burbank), a lot of changes were to be expected... The one I didn't expect was the total lack of thunder n lightning despite rain storms that would flood the streets. I think I was out here at least 6 years before I heard any thunder and that was a one-time event. Been here for almost 29 yrs now, and I can probably count the number on one hand.

Looks like a young version of our FuzzButts. We finally nabbed him off of the street about a year ago. He's FiV+, so is somewhat isolated from our other cats. He's still working on getting properly socialized with humans, but is a big sweetheart when he does relax. Can't find a pic, but I did find this short vid of a mocking bird pulling his tail when he was still outside.

Polly wanna asphyxiate the cracker

I just leave a post-it with "Sorry about the sneeze. I don't think it hit all of them"

From 2011

That's the sort of thing that would have changed the direction of an entire ancient empire...

Daww, so cute. Little Lily lost in the fluff

These two were also inseparable. Usually lil Eddie would also be in the snuggle. Here is Tobie enjoying Bobby's wonderful fuzzy tummy. Bobby was a jerk that terrorized the other cats, but then we got two kittens and he became the best uncle ever... Tobie would always shove his face in Bobby's tummy; even when Tobie got to be ~2x Bobby's size.

The wilds; they call... Pretty sure I could be a happy well-adjusted hermit, but my wife and family keep me from running off to amass my racoon army. I focus my energy on creating a backyard jungle that lets me pretend that I'm not trapped in suburbia.

My first thought was that they were MST3K-ing the nekkid apes.

One of my favorite versions of This Land by Las Cafeteras (just because I'm sure it upsets certain folks to hear Latinos singing the song) https://youtu.be/dS0OQ9HP3Oo

"Maintains consistent snacking preferences" the most specific one "Owns rasps" If it really got me, it would call me out on what I usually use Amazon for...   Last minute project stuff.

Can you please fix me so that I can say "no"?

That seems like the most technically correct answer

Oh, wow! twinsies

I think they were new ones for the movie they made back then