Puzzle #1224
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Why would you assume anything? The answer is provided in the article itself. Why can so few people be arsed to read the information provided before leaping to an attempt at pithy commentary?

The group ... views Satan not as a supernatural being but as “a literary figure that represents a metaphorical construct of rejecting tyranny over the human mind and spirit.” The club’s programs, they say, focus on “science, critical thinking, creative arts, and good works for the community.”

(Boldface mine. "science" comes to us from Latin's "scientia": knowledge)

The irony of assuming something instead of learning/confirming it from the information provided, as regards an article about an organization whose stated focus is on knowledge and critical thinking, is disappointing.

...petit theft...

Twice, even.

And then at the end,

This story was reported on-air by a journalist and has been converted to this platform with the assistance of AI. Our editorial team verifies all reporting on all platforms for fairness and accuracy.

I call horseshit on that last sentence.

From what source are you basing the detail "low heart rate, calm"? The OP article mentions nothing about the woman's state other than her immediate trauma.

The terms of this program on the Staples.com site, which servers the USA market, stipulate U.S. stores.

Staples® Recycling Program (“Program”)

Terms and Conditions (“Terms”)

In an effort to reduce waste going to landfills, Staples has created the Staples Recycling Program which offers Customers the option of bringing in select items to Staples® U.S. stores...

This Program is available to all Staples customers that bring in eligible recyclable items. Customers who are 18 years of age or older with a valid U.S. mailing address and a valid email address may enroll in the Staples Easy Rewards™ program to earn points for eligible recyclable items that they recycle with Staples. The Program applies to Staples U.S. stores only.

I would describe the recycling information at Staples.ca, which I found at https://www.staples.ca/a/content/sustainability, as no more than a collection of brochure-quality blurbs about their recycling services' availability, with no information about an incentive program; I see no mention anywhere of paying the customer for bringing in recyclable items. That's not to say that Staples.ca mayn't just be slow to update with new information. If such an incentive-based initiative is in effect at Canadian stores too, that's great news.

How does one fuck this up so monumentally?

u/takeheart, how do you fuck this up so monumentally?

Heal-up, @supakaity. All best wishes to your body's restoration work.

That's hardly 420°F for 35 minutes, but it'd be a step up from frames 3 & 4.

Update: upon reviewing the images, it appears that a graham crust is used in this recipe. A graham base will overbake to dust at the settings suggested above. Recommend flambé, as originally illustrated, then serve while warm to nearest carnivorous household quadruped. Or not warm, whatever. Drop it behind the dryer so it gets covered in the lint of ghost socks and forget about it for a month, for all they care. It'll taste just as good, or better.

Please don't post links to video (esp. Youtube) without, at the least, a description of their contents. Thank you

https://archive.is/OESMo

This is available to me on Kanopy.com through my public library. Added it to my watchlist.

Posted 7.5 hours before the OP Global News article:

No tiny homes to be removed from Toronto park 'in near future' as mayor seeks solution, her office says

Can't park there, mate.

It wasn't a proper tobogganing day if at least two of us didn't land on our coccyx¹ and agonize in the snow, incapable of breath for an absolute eternity of 30 seconds of recovery.

From atop the hill you'd watch your mate take a hard landing on his back or hind after hitting the hump that you all tried to steer away from, and see him writhe, gasping soundlessly, knowing exactly what he was feeling, thinking, and praying, "not me, this time, please, not me." And then you'd take a running start with your Crazy Carpet down the exact same path.

1. While researching for this comment I learned that the condition "getting the wind knocked out of you" is called phrenospasm, caused by sudden impact to the chest/trunk, which jibes with a hard landing on one's back. It is not, as far as I found, related to impact on the tailbone, but I am posting this comment as writ. because, well, coccyx and I am a 55-year-old child.

Thank you for this. Cool read!

That's no horse...

Not germane. Zurich Insurance Group is not a USian medical insurance company.

Strongbad/Trogdor vibes. Cool. :)

... in the 1867

Jesus fucking wept.

Pulp Fiction