I'm afraid I don't have any soothing stories but there are quite a few Aliens pulse rifle 3d replicas out there that are pretty reasonable if you're willing to do the gluing and finishing yourself :)

As a side note, there are lots of famous people who have done this and looked incredibly badass doing it. Aside from the GI Jane comparisons the first one that comes to mind is Karen Gillan got a buzz cut for the first Guardians movie and ended up looking more badass somehow