This is very true...

2 years ago by Lady Butterfly to c/mentalhealth

It's often hard for neurotypical people to understand this, which I get. But it really can be traumatic

Nay 43 points 2 years ago

juSt Be yOUrSeLF

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Jax 34 points 2 years ago

Yeah I'm not sure if I'm Autistic or what - but I empathize with consistently misunderstanding things, telling jokes in poor taste, etc.

I dislike the word 'trauma' being used to describe it. It wasn't deeply distressing or disturbing, it was inconvenient. It didn't stop me from living my life, the only thing it did was give me perspective on what 'normal' is.

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CheeseToastie 31 points 2 years ago

I get that. For other people it can lead to being alienated and targeted for bullying... which really can be traumatic

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Jax 8 points 2 years ago

I can acknowledge that those things are traumatic, for sure.

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leisesprecher -26 points 2 years ago

If everything is a trauma, nothing is.

Not every bad experience is traumatic. Abusing that word devalues the actually traumatizing experiences. Being an outsider in school and being raped by your dad are categorically extremely different experiences. Lumping them into "traumatic" is just not helpful.

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celeste 20 points 2 years ago

When people with a communication disability use a word differently than I might, I have been trying lately to understand what they're attempting to communicate. I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding about what trauma is, but even if you didn't, it might be a good practice.

Anyway, I get why the word use is upsetting, because it can feel like rape and social ostracization are being treated identically when the same word (traumatic) is used for both. But trauma, as I understand it, is more like a broken bone - it's a bad result from an event or events. Me and grandma both fell down the stairs and she fell one step and I fell two flights, and we both broke something - the broken bone is still real, even when the fall was smaller. I fuck up my wrist in a car accident, and someone else fucks it up doing the same small action repetitively for years. Wrist's still fucked.

If you think of it that way, there never was a comparison to dislike in the first place. Trauma is the injury, not the cause. Everything and nothing is traumatic, but some things are almost universally likely to cause injury, and some things aren't.

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leisesprecher -18 points 2 years ago

But trauma, as I understand it, is more like a broken bone

That's a medical trauma, yes. But the situation described here is a light bruise at best.

Yes, these terms encompass a range of severities, but at some point you have to say "No, Terry, a broken nail is not a trauma, and you can't go to the emergency room because of it".

People love the feeling of being super empathetic if they support this language. And others love the feeling of self victimization.

And the actual victims don't get the attention they need, because Terry cries about having made a bad joke yesterday.

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angrystego 15 points 2 years ago

Gatekeeping is also not very helpful. Perhaps it's better to listen and try to understand other people's experiences, because everyone experiences the world in different ways and intensity. Talking about a trauma is not a competition. It's a cry for help and for empathy, no matter whether it fulfills your definition of the word.

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leisesprecher -13 points 2 years ago

It's not gatekeeping, it's a medical definition.

What's so hard to understand about that?

You're not OCD because you sorted Skittles by color once either.

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loudWaterEnjoyer 14 points 2 years ago

If something was or is traumatic is not determined by the content but by how the person experienced it. You can have traumatic experiences with almost anything.

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leisesprecher -14 points 2 years ago

... And that in turn means the term is practically meaningless - as you can see in the example above.

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El_Scapacabra 10 points 2 years ago

It's really simple. If someone is traumatized by something, it was traumatic for them. Sure there are different kinds of trauma but there's no need to gatekeep or invalidate people's experiences.

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leisesprecher -12 points 2 years ago

Of course there is. As I wrote above: if everything is a trauma, nothing is.

You can't just expand the meaning of a well defined word just because you like the vibe of it applying to the victim group of the day.

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Monstrosity 24 points 2 years ago

Using the word 'trauma' isn't about people trying to be dramatic. Most autistic people (especially late diagnosed autistic folks who don't understand why they feel so alienated), suffer from actual, clinical trauma. It stems from a lifetime of misunderstandings, cruel treatment from nuerotypicals, and societies built on ableist systems:

Living with PTSD on the Autism Spectrum

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OneWomanCreamTeam 7 points 2 years ago

Trauma can look like a lot of different things. It doesn't always come from specific, intense events. Some times it sneaks in via very small, subtle occurrences that aren't usually a big deal, but are very effecting when they happen frequently enough.

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Angry_Autist 12 points 2 years ago

I was really angry when I found out that most people aren't being constantly mentally bombarded by a highlight reel of all of the fuckups they've ever done, all the time

I was even angrier when their solution for me was 'Just don't let it bother you'

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OmegaLemmy 1 point 2 years ago

I stopped caring when they forgot what I did and I forgot what they did that was embarrassing.

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Angry_Autist 3 points 2 years ago

That's nice you can do that

I can't, at least without medication with life crippling side effects

But go you I guess

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RebekahWSD 11 points 2 years ago

Oh hey it's my experiences when trying to deal with people! Except it's like the first half goes well then I just must be doing something because I leave thinking things went well then find out later no

No they did not

And I pull my hair because it's usually something small and I'm just "why didn't you say shit at the time???" and I'm told that's rude but I was taught it's ruder to let shit fester??

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samus12345 10 points 2 years ago

I leave thinking things went well then find out later no

No they did not

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ChicoSuave 10 points 2 years ago

Improv and theater helped me. Being able to roll with the situation and turn it into something fun or different has saved me from constant anxiety. I also channeled that Simpsons energy of Homer's First Day so when I fuck up I expect jeers and taunts, which I can handle, instead of outright anger. And being able to roll the taunt back into a burn or accept it as valid criticism helps drop the subject.

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Kolanaki 9 points 2 years ago

I do a lot of interactions online and just assumed that almost all misunderstandings were because almost half of Americans are illiterate. Then I was diagnosed with autism. I now only think about half of them are because of that.

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RememberTheApollo_ 8 points 2 years ago

This was so incredibly true when I was a kid. Really tough childhood. Didn’t help that one if my parents was authoritarian and prevented us from watching TV, further isolating us from those common social interactions of knowing TV shows or lines. Blocking TV was, of course, punishment for poor grades and failure to accomplish tasks at home too, because wouldn’t you know it, ADHD goes hand in hand with ASD.

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chicken 7 points 2 years ago

I always had a hard time telling if people were trying to talk to me, which is especially frustrating because you can't safely err on either side. You always respond back, lots of intensely awkward and humiliating interactions with people having to explain they weren't talking to you. You stay quiet and wait for a clearer signal, some people will get offended and angry because they think you're purposely ignoring and insulting them somehow.

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FireWire400 6 points 2 years ago

I wouldn't say that I get traumatised by social interactions going wrong but they definitely get stuck in my head for a while; I keep thinking about what I could have done differently, even if it wasn't really my fault.

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Hazmatastic 3 points 2 years ago

Wait, that... that's autism? Fuck...

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gilgameth 1 point a year ago

Fuck indeed

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VAVHV 1 point 2 years ago

I've mostly given up on social interaction and making friends. I guess that's just how living with autism goes.