_danny 88 points 3 years ago

Stories I've heard in the last year from my friends and co-workers:

Bragging about how they got 5 hours of sleep last night because their newborn finally slept until 6am
A "funny" story about how their 5 year old managed to get a hold of some chewing gum and got it stuck in their hair and all over a rug
A potty training "success" story about how their toddler remembered to pull down their pants, but remembered mid shit they should have sat on the toilet, so they shat all over the bathroom.
They found a juice box their kid bit a hole into and then tucked under their car seat... By smelling it rotting

Trojan just needs to get a group of parents together to tell stories about their kids and paste them word for word on the back of their boxes.

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RGB3x3 31 points 3 years ago

As someone about to be a parent for the first time in the next couple weeks, I'm starting to understand why parents are so enamored with those little stories.

I'm so excited about being able to raise a little girl and really want to be able to teach her everything. My wife and I will be able to experience the world in a completely new way because our child will have that excitement about everything that adults lose over time.

To each their own, I completely understand why someone wouldn't want kids, but I definitely think those stories are really the greatest things in the world to the parents. Because generally, a parent's kid is the best kid in the world to them.

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festemmie 9 points 3 years ago

thank you for telling us how good having a kid can be, when nost people just think of the bad that kids can bring to their parents life

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msage 4 points 3 years ago

But he doesn't have a kid yet, just an expectation.

I'm all for optimism, but always be aware that children might not meet your expectations. There's a family with 3 severely autistic kids, all of them need constant supervision and can't do anything themselves.

Be excited about kids, but also mindful that it is going to take a lot from your life.

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RGB3x3 1 point 3 years ago

I'm totally aware it's not all going to be perfect all the time, if ever, because that's not how life works.

But I definitely already feel unconditional love for the little thing. And I feel like it's giving my wife and I a different kind of purpose in life.

My mom told me once that the unconditional love is hard, especially when life gets difficult. But the proudness she feels and the fulfillment having kids brought to her life is indescribable.

It's not for everyone, but for those who enjoy it find more fulfillment than any singular other life pursuit could bring.

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TrustingZebra 0 points 3 years ago

This but unironically.

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festemmie 2 points 3 years ago

it was already unironical

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CurlyMoustache 10 points 3 years ago

I have coworker that is very good at her job, but lunch break is a pain. All she talks about is her kids. And when she does, she dominates lunch until lunch is over. If we talk about something else, she is quiet until there's a split second pause in the conversation. Then she's right in there with tidbits of what her kids said, did or something like that. Her kids are 10 and 12. They're not cute anymore. She identifies her entire personality with her kids.

Luckily we can dictate ourselves if we want to come in to the office or work from home

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hemko 2 points 3 years ago

Have we talked before?

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Annoyed_Crabby 0 points 3 years ago

Wow, how dare they talk about their life.

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_danny 9 points 3 years ago

Yes. That was my point. Definitely not that children are a handful and many people would rather not have that responsibility thrust upon them.

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iforgotmyinstance 71 points 3 years ago

You underestimate how much people fuck. It's a physical compulsion. People be fuckin.

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CurlyMoustache 22 points 3 years ago

We have all met your mother

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Exusia 28 points 3 years ago

Curious. You speak fervently of your constant sexual encounters with my mother.

Yet you also seem predisposed to share how her appearance is grotesque, and her body mass rivals that of marine animals, that her odor is extreme, suggesting per your own words that she is unwashed for several decades.

Perchance, is this your sexual preference and you merely project it upon dearest mother mine?

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Cabrio 13 points 3 years ago

Nah, you momma's just so fat her gravitational field pulls the semen from those who pass her sphere of influence.

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hungryphrog 6 points 3 years ago

Yay, body positivity!

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Pregnenolone 5 points 3 years ago

Hey! Don't bad mouth your mother. She's a beautiful and generous lady.

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at_an_angle 51 points 3 years ago

Argument: anal sex.

Don't want to get your dick shitty? Use a condom.

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Cinnamon3431 13 points 3 years ago

or, you know, wash your ahole

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this_1_is_mine 27 points 3 years ago

cause its the outside thats the dirty shit filled part.

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hungryphrog 10 points 3 years ago

Have some creativity, just use a garden hose. Duh.

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Jimbo 4 points 3 years ago

Just don't keep it in for too long

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randomdeadguy 36 points 3 years ago

Perhaps the idea is that condom users are more likely to (eventually) become economically stable enough to support and create a family. Those children directly benefit from their parent(s) and are more likely to learn behaviors from the parent'(s) behaviors, such as safe sex.

The other marketable uses for the condom include its ability to protect the users from diseases.

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johndc7 24 points 3 years ago

Shouldn't the dude with the gun have fallen already? Unless the other guy is alot heavier than he looks.

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A_A 14 points 3 years ago