Ugh this was so upsetting to read despite being validating.

If I were going to apply this as an analogy to my life it would be like some keys pads were fucked but not all of them. So, not being able to hit some notes was seen as a choice and personal failing. I would have been fine quitting band 😭

Eta: do people realize this is the the ADHD comm? I'm making an analogy, I don't give a fuck about the technical aspects?

I coach rock climbing, and this happens with shoes all the time. At a point your ability exceeds the equipment you currently have. Like no matter how much technique you develop, the junky climbing shoes might just slip on that hold. It’s always fun to see a really strong climbing wear more advanced shoes for the first time and realize what they’ve been missing out on.

I have a story that falls in the same pattern and involves the clarinet, but is basically the much kinder version. I was in band for years, playing brass, but opted to take a credit in the "beginner" band to try a wholly different instrument, and settled on clarinet because thats what they needed.

I had some real advantages over the beginners, being able to read music well and being used to playing in larger, more complex ensembles. When it came to actually playing though, I was terrible. I was always getting this warped, squeeling tone that was written off as using a wood reed vs a metal mouthpiece like I was used go.

Well, about a week in, the conductor stops and has me play a scale, which came out with a terrible warble. He stopped for a second, eyeballed me, and then had me swap to a number 2 reed instead of the normal 1. This is a thicker reed, a change you would expect beginners to move to after playing a woodwind for a few months.

Instantly, the sound firmed up correctly and I hit the exact tone. It was honestly astonishing. I had gone from a squeel to a pure tone immediately. My younger peers where shocked, having just thought I was somewhat shit at the instrument. Turns out the years of playing brass had given me a strong embouchure, or jaw muscle, so I was basically warping the beginner reed by just using it. I'd love to say I went on to first chair, but I had to drop the class due to conflict and that pretty much ended my time with the clarinet too.

Really interesting to have something like that happen, at least when the lead in is immediate support instead of years of beratement.

This is how I felt when I found out I had sleep apnea.

For as long as I can remember, I've been constantly tired, and unable to focus. Then I heard about the symptons, got diagnosed, got a sleep device, and suddenly I could stay awake, and focus. I'm sharper than I've ever been, and I have sooooooo much energy.

I often wonder how differently my life would have turned out if we had a society that, like, ya know, had sympathy for kids, and tried to understand where they were coming from instead of treating health issues like a moral failing.

There's a second lesson here- if you teach people to their individual ability rather than to the average ability of a class or grade level, you get some amazing results.

Every other kid in the class was playing 'at grade level'. This kid wasn't so he got a lot of extra instruction.

But what if every other kid got the same level of extra instruction?
They didn't, because they performed at grade level and thus were determined to be satisfactory. But I argue that if you give every other kid in the class the same focus as OP's friend, you'd find a lot of people going much farther than they would otherwise.

This is one of the horrible things of our education system- kids aren't pushed to meet their potential, they're pushed to meet grade level.

I had a similar problem when I was learning guitar. I had my grandma's old steel string guitar, and the action was so high (the strings so far away from the fretboard) that it took a lot of strength to press the strings down to the frets and it was difficult to get a note to play correctly. After a month or two my instructor had me try a different guitar, and like magic, I was able to play the song I was learning all the way through with no effort at all.

reminds me of the "bicycle in a car-centric city" analogy. Everyone is telling you take the main freeway and just "go faster" under the presumption that your driving a car without consideration that it takes more effort for you to even take freeway.

This is a beautiful story. Sometimes adversity makes some people better. Imagine how many people experience this and quit instead.