Skullgrid 60 points 3 days ago

Fake : Salmonella poisoning probably takes longer to take hold
Gay : Anon's friend pooped outside and he watched

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Corkyskog 27 points 3 days ago

I assumed it was because he used whatever artificial sweetener is in those sugar free haribo gummy bears.

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mnemonicmonkeys 13 points 3 days ago

Maltitol.

Also you can still get that sweetener on its own. Just imagine making a bunch of jello shots with it and leaving them at a frat party

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SippyCup 12 points 3 days ago

Holy fucking shit. I need to have read this comment 20 years ago.

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FavouriteShapes 48 points 3 days ago

Anon plays DnD

Cool, a meme I can send to my friend who started playing DnD this year!

"... it's like snakes are in my asshole trying to rip it apart!"

... I can't allow another human's eyeballs to read this

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toynbee 4 points 3 days ago

Seems looks a fairly plausible D&D scenario, tbh.

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SippyCup 3 points 3 days ago

He's playing DnD that's positively pedestrian compared to things he's about to say

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kat_angstrom 47 points 3 days ago

Just because he said it's called Cosmic Brownies, and there's a picture of Cosmic Brownies, that doesn't mean that he used Cosmic Brownies in the recipe.

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rockerface 12 points 3 days ago

Sounds more like Cosmic Horror Brownies

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EmilieEasie 3 points 2 days ago

Disagree, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to set up the story this way if he didn't use Cosmic Brownies (TM) in the recipe

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kat_angstrom 3 points 2 days ago

To me the implication lacked true follow-up narratively in order to establish factual events dramatically (and thematically) with subsequent witnesses providing additional context. I could be wrong tho

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Wirlocke 29 points 3 days ago

This implies he either burned 25 pounds (assuming 5 pounds of water weight) in a single night or he had 25 pounds of crap in his digestive track, so I'm inclined to believe that anon is full of shit.

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swab148 22 points 3 days ago

Was full of shit

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Bipauler 7 points 2 days ago

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SippyCup 18 points 3 days ago

Not anymore dude. Not anymore.

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Kolanaki 24 points 3 days ago

Skill issue. I eat entire boxes of those brownies and never have problems except type 2 diabetes.

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MutantTailThing 28 points 3 days ago

Feet are overrated anyway.

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GreyEyedGhost 9 points 3 days ago

As someone whose favorite pastime is gaming, feet are only required for work.

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TragicNotCute 23 points 3 days ago

If this is real, my guess is it’s a fiber issue. Would definitely be thick and if you aren’t used to eating a bunch of fiber, it’ll really mess up your guts.

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666dollarfootlong 30 points 3 days ago

Yea my first thought is the chef just mixed cosmic brownies with fiber supplements or something, which would also explain why "they're healthy actually"

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Cronization 18 points 3 days ago

Don't have to worry about empty calories if you shit them out immediately

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tanisnikana 15 points 3 days ago

I’m fully aware of the risks. I’d like to keep this on hand as a counter to pepto bismol.

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dbx12 13 points 3 days ago

Enlighten an European: are they raw brownies and you're supposed to bake these before consumption or were they simply spoiled?

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sbv 18 points 3 days ago

They're cooked. They're just sugary and gross.

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jaycifer 10 points 3 days ago

They’re sugary and gross and delicious! I get them twice a year when I go on a trip with my other buddy that likes them.

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TragicNotCute 11 points 3 days ago

I read this as they are inspired by cosmic brownies, not made from them. It wouldn’t be unheard of, but blending an already baked and processed brownie into a drink seems…bad. You asked if they were spoiled, but these type of processed baked goods don’t really spoil like that generally because of all the preservatives.

https://www.littledebbie.com/cosmic-brownies

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dbx12 1 point 9 hours ago

I guess you could get away with blending a brownie if it's fudgey enough in the center and add a bit of milk or other liquid.

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SippyCup 7 points 3 days ago

They're not good. But they're supposed to be that way. I've never had anything quite like them outside of the US so it's hard to think of something to compare them to that a European might be familiar with. They're brownies in the same way that French fries are vegetables. Technically... Yeah... But no. They're extremely sweet, taste quite strongly of artificial chocolate which may be a flavor unique to American paletes, and technically resemble a fudgey brownie.

All that to say, this shake did not contain this particular garbage snack.

I suspect what he made was a protein shake with added fiber and artificial sweetener. You can get cosmic brownie flavored protein powder. Protein shakes certainly can have an effect on the gut.

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dbx12 1 point 9 hours ago

Thanks for the explanation!

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Serinus 6 points 3 days ago

Neither. It was something else. (Likely fake).

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MonkderVierte 1 point 3 days ago

Brownie? The cookie thing?

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dbx12 1 point 9 hours ago

Yeah, I baked them from scratch at home and found them good. And knew I should only eat one or two pieces max or get sick from too much sugar and fat.

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