They’re in the last place you’ll look for them.

Cause if you kept looking after you found them, that would be real weird.

Did you check your butthole?

I have them! Here they are!

Did you check on the counter

My keys are in my pocket, did you check my pocket?

Under the papers on the table

Coat pocket. Not the one you are wearing, but the one you had on before.

In the car or the dryer. That's where mine usually show up. I made a little key basket that hangs on my back doorknob and it has helped. Good luck.

You left them in the door?

One time they were in my shoe. Did your dog eat them? What about your neighbour's dog?

Probably somewhere on earth

On top of your head