I’m at the ED at hospital. My mum was in a really bad car accident. Thankfully it’s just bruising but it could have been much, much worse. Her car was totalled. Driving up to the accident seeing all the police / ambulance / fire truck lights and then her totalled car was truly scary. I’m just thankful she’s OK. Waiting to do scans to make sure nothing is broken, then I’ll drive her home.

Today is my birthday and I’m going through my usual sadness phase about turning a year older. Feelings of being a failure are creeping in as I wish I would have achieved more by now, going into later 30s. I need to work harder at changing up the things I don’t like, because some (most) days, I feel like I’ve just given up.

I’m hoping I feel more positive in the morning. Have rooftop arvo drinks / dinner planned with a few friends which should be nice. Will do a few pressing tasks for work in the morning, but otherwise I’m taking the day off. Working won’t make my day any better, that’s for sure.

Sorry for the late night rant but typing this all out helps.

I was at the shopping centre earlier, paying for stuff at the fruit shop. I hear all this yelling and see a guy going nuts from a security guard confronting him over stealing something from a store. He starts shouting and causing destruction - knocking store displays over, hitting fruit and vegetables from displays onto the ground and was coming closer to me. I turn around and start pushing my trolley back from the register to get away from him. While I was turned around he picked up a giant pumpkin from a display next to the register and threw it right at the back of my head. This was a massive grey pumpkin, like a rock to the head. Now I’m sitting here with an ice pack to my head wondering why me. Thankfully no bleeding and I feel ok so far, just sore.

I reported it to centre management and made myself known to the police before I left. Surely this is some kind of assault.

Back home after picking up my mum from the hospital. I left around 3am once we realised she wasn’t going to get seen by the doctor for hours, and I would be too tired to safely drive her home. Took until 10am to get her scans done, and 3pm to get the all clear, so a long stint in ED. She’s just got some bruises and she’s a bit sore, so glad that’s all it is.

I went to the tow truck place to clear out her car and she’s lucky the collison was on the passenger side and not the driver side, because she would have been severely injured. The other person involved was completely fine, newer car with way more airbags that cushioned the impact.

Barely slept last night and all the driving around today, I’m exhausted.

I’m going to the snow at the end of the month and have been messaging a friend I let borrow my ski clothes and equipment two years ago. They just never gave me back my stuff and I forgot about it to now. I’m a bit annoyed they just kept my things, and now my goggles are missing and I don’t remember if I let them borrow. It shouldn’t be up to me to remember and ask for my stuff back, you should give it back once you are done with it without prompt.

Today was not the day to lock myself out of my house, and I probably won’t get access to the spare key until 10pm. It’s too hot for this. Second time this has happened in 5 years, the timing of this one hurts.

Found out yesterday morning that was going to be my last working day. Cue frantic tying up of loose ends and organising a handover. And that was it. Handed over my laptop. Now on gardening leave for 4 weeks. Emails and Teams already cut off. I’m not upset at this situation, just in shock that it was all so sudden.

Thinking of doing a short trip somewhere during this time. Otherwise there will be a lot of catching up on sleep, time for cooking, relaxing and preparing for what’s next.

Had a great time at Thornbury Witch’s xmas event. My first time meeting anyone from the DT (including from the Reddit days) and it was so nice for this little corner of the internet to come to real life in the way it did.

So I think the friend outing I planned went well. There’s existing cracks there but when we’re all together having a good time, it’s really good. I had fun.

Presentation went well despite not feeling 100% (run down and tired from crap sleep) and being nervous throughout. The show must go on, so I did my best. Just couldn't shake the nerves today. I think I did enough to convince the audience that I'm someone they could work with, that's what matters at the end of the day. And I had a few people stick around afterwards asking questions and taking my business card which I think is a good sign. We'll see what comes of it!

Wrote my resignation letter ahead of sending it tomorrow (employer already knows it’s coming). That’s probably the most enjoyable letter that I’ve ever written. A little bit of sentiment thrown in there, thank you for the opportunity yadda yadda.

So so glad this day has come. The shit they put me through since asking me to move on, honestly I don’t remember a time I had to face so many situations so quickly where I felt like throwing up from nerves and anxiety each time. But I got through it.

There’s talk of putting me on gardening leave, which I think I’m ok with. They were saying they were happy for me to finish early so I can start my contractor role sooner, but I’d have to agree to shorten my notice pay. I think I’ll take the pay for doing nothing.

I was part of the Medibank, Optus and Latitude cyber hacks, and just received a notification from Qantas that I'm involved in theirs. Protection of my personal information is just meaningless at this point.

Happy new year all! I’m a happy drunk tonight, the best kind.

What’s everyone’s NYE plans? For me, a friend hosts a gathering each year with a small group of regulars. It’s close to home so getting there & home is easy. There’s usually a spit and other yummy foods and a bonfire. I may get quite drunk as a fitting send-off to this year.

Took a pretty heavy call from a friend this afternoon that is going through a rough time. She had an altercation with some friends in our group which I think set her off into a spiral. I had no idea about any of this. It takes a lot of courage to reach out to someone.

I used to get affected by the same friends too, but then learned to stop putting disappointing people on a pedestal, thinking they do the same, and rely on them for emotional support and wellbeing which was always one way. I made some new friends. I discovered that healthy adult friendships actually exist and instead of being upset about certain behaviours from those people, I learned to pity that behaviour. I hope she learns this too.

Meeting over! 2.5 hours later, I'm so exhausted. There was a few times I felt like I was giving garbled answers to questions asked on the spot, and also being in full focus for that long is pretty tough. But overall I think I presented and communicated well. Client seemed happy too so that's what counts.

I think I deserve a takeaway pizza tonight and a night off any cooking.

I've already checked out of working for the year. These next two weeks are going to be a slog.

Taken from my backyard using iPhone 3 second exposure. Can’t really see it to the naked eye but insane on camera.

Big work meeting this afternoon. I mean BIG, there's a lot on the line. I'm as prepared as I can be and a bit more prep this morning. I was feeling super nervous about it yesterday. Calmer on waking up this morning but the nerves are coming back. Deep breaths help - I will be fine, it will go fine.

I had an accident trimming my beard last night, the length attachment fell off while using and took a huge chunk of it out. Didn't have any other option but to trim it all off. I kept the mo and some of the "soul patch" (had to look up what that's called, strange name). I haven't been hairless on my face like this for years, it's an adjustment. Feeling wind on my cheeks this morning was weird and kinda nice. Maybe this was divine intervention to change it up.