Do people actually get upset if you forget their name?

2 years ago by xia to c/asklemmy

If so, does that mean people actually remember a persons name & face after only one encounter?!

If not, why do we pretend they will be upset, and try to hide the fact that we forget an unfamiliar name?

davel 41 points 2 years ago

Some people do get upset; some people don’t.

The easily upset don’t—or refuse to—understand that 1) some of us have brains that just don’t remember people’s names very well, and that 2) they should get over themselves.

path: 0 10411635, hotness: undefined, score: 41, children: 1
JackFrostNCola 5 points 2 years ago

I would go as far to say that most 'peoples brains' dont remember new names well, unless there is a strong emotion tied to the meeting of a new person (hate, fear, infatuation, etc) then its easy to forget what someone said by the time you have made some introductory small talk and moved on to a conversation topic or had to break off the conversation and go elsewhere.
I find i either have to have somebody else say their name a lot for it to stick or i mentally break off from the conversation when i can get away with it and in mind find a way of remembering their name with a trick like associating it with a similar sounding word, or a famous actor with the same/similar name, etc.

path: 0 10411635 10417918, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
Audrey0nne 28 points 2 years ago

People get upset if you part your hair wrong. Forgetting a name hasn’t gotten me killed yet but stranger things have happened.

I can remember someone’s name after one meeting but when I can’t it makes me feel awkward. I feel less awkward when 9 times out of 10 they forgot meeting me the first time.

path: 0 10411425, hotness: undefined, score: 28, children: 0
Drusas 27 points 2 years ago

I usually find it relieving because I don't remember their name, either.

path: 0 10413967, hotness: undefined, score: 27, children: 1
CanadaPlus 4 points 2 years ago

Yes! I spend way too much time wishing other people will mess up so I'm not worst in class, haha.

path: 0 10413967 10414044, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
i_stole_ur_taco 21 points 2 years ago

It really depends on the context. What was the first encounter? If it was a first date, then yeah, that’s brutal and you suck. If it was a quick intro at a busy event, it’s almost expected.

There’s a bit of a difference between names and faces. Forgetting a name is like forgetting a piece of trivia, but if you meet and speak to somebody and can’t recognize them in a different context (and they look basically the same), it can send a signal that you didn’t find them memorable (and you didn’t lol).

The only time in my life when I found it irritating was my best friend’s roommate who, after hanging out with them in small groups dozens of times for hours each time, still kept introducing herself to me on subsequent visits. I could never figure out if it was drugs, a method of humour or flirting I didn’t understand, or she was really that oblivious to other people.

path: 0 10411590, hotness: undefined, score: 21, children: 7
henfredemars 9 points 2 years ago

At work I once told the customer to stop talking during the presentation because I didn’t recognize them as our customer.

I have face blindness. It was an innocent mistake but wow do I regret doing that.

path: 0 10411590 10411752, hotness: undefined, score: 9, children: 0
idiomaddict 2 points 2 years ago

I was on a third date, and we met an acquaintance of mine. I went to introduce them and blanked. Worse, I went for what I thought I remembered, which ended up close enough to be culturally insensitive. His name was Franz and I said Fritz and he was pretty hurt.

path: 0 10411590 10416958, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 4
SLfgb 2 points 2 years ago

How is that culturally insensitive?

path: 0 10411590 10416958 10417647, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 3
idiomaddict 2 points 2 years ago

He was Austrian in Germany and those are both very stereotypically Austrian names.

path: 0 10411590 10416958 10417647 10417681, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 2
SLfgb 2 points 2 years ago

That just seems petty. They both sound like generic German names to me. There even used to be a Kaiser named Fritz. Just recently I was asking someon "was your name James?" reply: "no, Jason". It was a non-issue

path: 0 10411590 10416958 10417647 10417681 10418707, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 1
Mad_Punda 1 point 2 years ago path: 0 10411590 10414990, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
user224 20 points 2 years ago

Some do, some don't.

I certainly won't as I tend to forget names a lot. Call me as you wish.

path: 0 10413116, hotness: undefined, score: 20, children: 4
xia 11 points 2 years ago

Thanks, as you wish!

path: 0 10413116 10414165, hotness: undefined, score: 11, children: 0
scottmeme 10 points 2 years ago

Will do Jerry!

path: 0 10413116 10413156, hotness: undefined, score: 10, children: 1
Drusas 5 points 2 years ago

Stop calling me Jerry.

path: 0 10413116 10413156 10413931, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
flux 1 point 2 years ago

Westley?

path: 0 10413116 10421162, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
Binette 16 points 2 years ago

Depends, in my experience.

In High School, I forgot someone's name, and being autistic and all, I just said outright "You, I forgot your name". We knew each other and all, but I have an issue associating people's face to a name. Of course, they were upset, but since they used sarcasm I had a hard time figuring it out (autism) until one of my friends asked me why I said that, and told me it was impolite.

Now I basically explain that I have trouble remembering names, and usually my new friends understand. I guess you just need to say that you usually have trouble with it and you should be fine.

path: 0 10415093, hotness: undefined, score: 16, children: 0
Bookmeat 13 points 2 years ago

I'm not sure whether my neighbours of 5 years will be upset and at this point I'm too afraid to find out.

path: 0 10411518, hotness: undefined, score: 13, children: 0
pbsds 13 points 2 years ago

I always lead by stating I suck at remembering names, which usually works. Still I understand why some get upset, because they themselves spend a lot of time and energy cramming names. I too cram names if they're needed in a work function.

path: 0 10415979, hotness: undefined, score: 13, children: 0
dumbass 12 points 2 years ago

I have an extremely hard time remembering peoples names so I have no issue if people forget mine.

I'm just honest and go something like " sorry man I'm an idiot and can never remember names", generally people are chill about it.

path: 0 10413991, hotness: undefined, score: 12, children: 0
Stern 12 points 2 years ago

The trick is to call everyone boss, then you don't need to remember their name.

path: 0 10416261, hotness: undefined, score: 12, children: 1
Zozano 4 points 2 years ago

Chief is a good go-to

path: 0 10416261 10417634, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
BugleFingers 7 points 2 years ago

I always preface with the fact I'm bad at names. I forget names of coworkers I've spent years with. Even friend's names sometimes. In fact, I does not even have to be a person or animal's name, jus the name of something. Places, objects, locations, etc. I frequent a park that has sentimental value and I couldn't tell you the name off the top of my head.

A friend of mine has a joke that I always get the letter wrong. Usually I'll say "I think it starts with [letter]" and most times it's incorrect.

Usually there are ways around it since I've been told it's rude, but nobody has ever outwardly told me they were unhappy I've forgotten. Typically they will notice I forget other names before it becomes a problem with them.

path: 0 10417239, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 0
Kalkaline 7 points 2 years ago

Bro I can't remember a name for anything, so I just use a filler, like "bro".

path: 0 10412105, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 0
chemical_cutthroat 7 points 2 years ago

I don't, but I also don't remember anyone's name, either, so I might just be expecting the same treatment. If anything, it's just awkward because the other person is being apologetic about it, not realising that in about 5 seconds I'm going to ask them the same question...

path: 0 10411413, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 0
Daxtron2 6 points 2 years ago

Some do, some don't. As with any large enough group

path: 0 10430991, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
wuphysics87 5 points 2 years ago

People like when other people care about them and one way to show that is to remember their name. Some people are too self important and think everyone should remember their name. We have a name for that. It's Asshole.

Knowing people's names isn't about hearing it once and remembering. It's about learning people's names and forming relationships. Here are some ways I learn names

When you meet someone and they tell you their name repeat it to them. When you ask them a question, address them by name. Use their name more than you think you should.

...And when you inevitably forget their name, apologize and ask again. Before they even know you forgot. Sometimes (most of the time) they don't remember your name either.

Better still. Apologize, tell them you forgot, and ask them if you can guess. You know what you think it was. Was it close to Jason? Do I look like a Jason to you? Well, actually... (better conversation than what preceded)

Use mnemonics. A girl in my class sat three from the end. Her name was Trinity. Zoe and kYm were next to each other in the back of the room. YZ. Use your penchant for location as a tool rather than excuse.

Deliberately read nametags. At the supermarket checkout. Security guards. Janitors. Doesn't matter. Thank them by name. This is EXACTLY what their tags are for. Use them! This is good practice for when it "actually matters" or an easy way to be decent to other people.

path: 0 10413930, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
GregorGizeh 5 points 2 years ago

I have a pretty good memory for faces, just really not for names. I know where and when I met someone but I can't tell you their name even if we met a bunch of times.

path: 0 10412357, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 2
Drusas 3 points 2 years ago

I've got shit recognition of faces, poor remembrance of names, but fantastic remembrance and recognition of voices.

It's a challenge.

path: 0 10412357 10413955, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 1
CanadaPlus 3 points 2 years ago

Yeah, I can often do voices best too. It's strange that a little piece of vibrating cartilage can be distinguished so well.

path: 0 10412357 10413955 10414065, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
grrgyle 4 points 2 years ago

I get relieved. I feel like it gives me an imaginary "get one name wrong" credit.

path: 0 10411853, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
Hazzia 4 points 2 years ago
path: 0 10417237, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
NauticalNoodle 4 points 2 years ago

People definitely get upset when you use the wrong name. —I don't

path: 0 10428905, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
natecox 4 points 2 years ago
path: 0 10412372, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
BonesOfTheMoon 4 points 2 years ago

No matter how carefully I say my very simple two syllable English name for people, they call me another variation of it. My asshole MIL has called me by the wrong name for over 25 years on purpose because it's the kind of thing she likes to do. I give up.

path: 0 10446117, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
Kuma 4 points 2 years ago

I think most ppl are fine with it if it is only once and you seem genuinely sad about it. I am fine with ppl forgetting we even met I am even playing along pretending it is the first time we meet, so far has it only been ppl I met maybe twice in my life(except one person). I have only met one person who actually got sad when I forgot her name. She asked if I was not as happy as she was to see me.. That hurt, I remembered her tho! But not her name.

I think it is worse when I have to introduce myself everytime we meet and it has been over 3 times... One dude he never remembered me until the 5th time then he said "heey we have met before right?! " he even looked genuinely happy and I felt "finally we can stop pretending" but then the next time we met he introduced him self again... I remember you Felix!

path: 0 10423566, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
pingveno 3 points 2 years ago

Names are just something I'm not very good at remembering. For that matter, auditory processing in general is a weakness for me. So I'm up front with people, that I am not good with names. Same with difficult to pronounce names, I will ask that they repeat the pronunciation because I want to get it right. I've never had anyone be upset.

path: 0 10430611, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
wesker 3 points 2 years ago

One time, decades ago, I was drunk at a house party and kept calling a woman by the wrong name. Eventually her friend got really mad at me. I have no idea why I couldn't remember her real name.

path: 0 10412140, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
Sam_Bass 3 points 2 years ago

Only if i have fairly consistent interaction with them

path: 0 10418676, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 1
Bob_Robertson_IX 4 points 2 years ago

I was a low level IT guy many years ago and had worked for the company for about 4 years. There was a sales guy also named Bob that I would help out a few times a year. It was a small company, around 50 employees, and every year at the company Christmas party sales guy Bob would come up to me and say "I don't think we've met, I'm Bob".

That pissed me off, but it is the only time I can remember where I was upset someone didn't remember my name.

path: 0 10418676 10420719, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
BurningTurtle 3 points 2 years ago

In my experience most conversion's don't require the use of a name, so it's not that noticeable if I forget a name.

path: 0 10421465, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 1
Silentiea 2 points 2 years ago

Yeah. Using people's names much in conversation just feels like, scummy to me. Like trying to make friends and influence people or whatever

path: 0 10421465 10430568, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
shinigamiookamiryuu 3 points 2 years ago

My name has so many variations that I don't. But I can understand why others do, they don't want to be associated with either a more common archetype than they are or a less common one, e.g. I have a friend who goes by Lydia, and when people call her Linda, it feels as if she feels the unique implications of her name challenged.

path: 0 10422368, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
wuphysics87 3 points 2 years ago

I pissed a kid off in college the whole time I knew him by calling him the wrong name. I didn't know what his name was, but I did know that wasn't it.

path: 0 10413278, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
CaptPretentious 2 points 2 years ago

I can give a tangent I suppose. I, like many have a first and last name. I prefer... Military style (no idea what to call it, if it has a proper name). I've gone by this for 25+ years. I'll introduce myself as such to people I know, work with, etc. and there's usually questions... Which I can understand, generally it's people not believing that that's my name. Either it sounds too absurd to be a name or it is too absurd to be a first minute, we're honestly I totally get. A quick show of their driver's license usually sorts it out. And most people will refer to me as my last name. Only occasion someone will use my first name and it doesn't really bother me, usually. (And just be clear I don't use it like how a teacher would I use it like as if it was a first name that makes sense...).

When it does bother me is when it becomes obvious that the person is going out of their way to make sure they use only my first name. Because it is a clear sign of disrespect. And in almost every single case it's clear that the person thinks they're the first person to think of this and they think they're clever and that I don't notice. The most blatant was as individual started to say my last name, immediately stopped after the first few letters, and switched to my first name... It cannot have been more obvious that was intentional.

path: 0 10414166, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 2
CoggyMcFee 1 point 2 years ago

If it’s a clear sign of disrespect, can you say why the person wanted to disrespect you?

path: 0 10414166 10417436, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 1
CaptPretentious 1 point 2 years ago

There's not be a single reason. In a few jobs when I was younger, it was usually the manager nobody liked, the one that let you know they weren't there to make friends... they were usually the likely ones. A girlfriends parents (again when I was younger) was split. Her Dad for a good while refused, but eventually came around. He clearly didn't like me (I think it was just an over-protective father sort of thing). More recent was someone who just had a superiority complex at work. I can only speculate as to what was wrong with this person or their motive, but they were the one that stopped "mid-name" to switch.

path: 0 10414166 10417436 10420131, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
ianovic69 2 points 2 years ago
path: 0 10416069, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
10_0 2 points 2 years ago
path: 0 10423735, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 1
Silentiea 2 points 2 years ago

Oh, you mean...um... whatserface?

path: 0 10423735 10430544, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
StaySquared 2 points 2 years ago

I'd imagine if you literally worked with them, 5 days out of a week.. after two weeks, yeah that would be at the very least strange.

path: 0 10422753, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
AdamEatsAss 2 points 2 years ago

Yes. If I forgot someone's name after meeting them it would be like me saying "you're not important enough to me to remember your name." It's especially insulting when you think about how many people you meet once and do remember their name.

path: 0 10411440, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 1
boatswain 6 points 2 years ago

It's especially insulting when you think about how many people you meet once and do remember their name.

What if that number is zero?

path: 0 10411440 10412913, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
Hikermick 2 points 2 years ago

It happens. Half the time people get bummed, the other half they are OK with it and will tell you they have a hard time remembering names too. I am in the latter group. When I forget a name and the person is obviously upset I'll tell them "let me tell you something few people beside my wife know about me, I have this social anxiety that yadayadayada...". This usually smooths things out as I've shown a vulnerable side and nice people sympathize with that. If they don't fuck em

path: 0 10430343, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
thefrankring 1 point 2 years ago

My name is Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff.

You better remember it and pronounce it properly!

path: 0 10412378, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 1
xmunk 1 point 2 years ago

It's great to meet you H.B.W. - can I call you buh-dubs (like the Netflix jingle) for short?

path: 0 10412378 10413366, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
foggy 1 point 2 years ago

Toooatally depends.

How did we meet? Was it at a bar during a bar crawl, and I was one of 9 people you were quickly introduced to?

You not remembering is a 0/10 faux pas.

It's a wedding. I'm a groomsman. Idk any of the other groomsmen. I forget one of their names (let's say there's 3 others): 2.5/10

Let's say the all forget mine: 4/10

We went to college together. It's been 15 years. We had some of the same friends but didn't ever exchange numbers, despite being in relative close proximity for the better part of a year.

You not remembering is 5/10 faux pas.

Those same groomsmen have forgotten my name for 2 days in a row. 7.5/10.

I am your ex's former room mate. He's your ex because we hooked up. Y'all dated for like 6 years.

You not remembering is probably a psychological measure of protection, but is also a 8/10 faux pas.

I am the father of your child. We have are married. We have a house in our name together.

You not remembering is a 11/10 faux pas.

Hope this helps 🙂

path: 0 10412346, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
themeatbridge 1 point 2 years ago

It really depends on the context. A business associate or colleague, it's a bad look, but a personal acquaintance is usually no big deal. I often reintroduce myself to people socially, and admit I've forgotten their names. Sometimes it's more awkward if we've known each other a while, and maybe I covered forgetting too many times and it would be weird to admit it this far into our "friendship."

In a professional setting, not only does it make people feel important, but it also makes you seem smarter. Remembering details, birthdays, family members, and other personal conversation topics is a sales technique taught in business school. Admitting you've forgotten someone's name may even come off as a power move. Mind games like that wre disturbingly common.

path: 0 10411649, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
crozilla 0 points 2 years ago

I had a brain fart when talking to a new coworker and couldn’t remember her name. She was very attractive, and this had clearly never happened to her before. She became very agitated and upset about it. (She wasn’t a b*tch or anything, just unaware of the benefits she got from being pretty.)

I was always nice and respectful to her, but for the rest of our time working together, I continued forgetting her name and it drove her nuts.

path: 0 10425384, hotness: undefined, score: 0, children: 0
asklemmy
asklemmy

@lemmy.ml

login for more options
54680
8598
4209

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy*

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Icon by @Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de

go to feed...