What is something 'unmanly' that you like?

3 years ago by DankZedong to c/comradeship

Gendered question, I know. If you don't identify as a man, please feel free to answer with whatever you want. I meant to post it in the Men's Lib sub but somehow it always bugs for me.

Let's spill the tea lads

I like painting my nails.

I like gardening and I take great pride in my plants and upcoming indoor veggie and herb garden.

I dance when I go out.

I like bright colors.

I like candles that smell nice.

I like flowers.

I like Harry Styles.

I like crocheting.

Whatever you like, be proud of it. There is no such thing as liking something unmanly. Nothing can harm your manliness. Do what you want.

pyska 29 points 3 years ago

I think the term "manly" has been so polluted. I don't think there is nothing "unmanly" with:

Loving nature.
Loving your neighbor (even Jesus said to).
Loving culture (and accepting other's culture).
Showing emotion (except for you narcissists who use this as an excuse for abuse. Fuck you).
Dancing.
Going outside just to feel the wind gently blowing your hair and caressing your face.

We are capable of very complex modes of existing. There is no reason to keep being the same hateful person every day. It takes courage to go out of your confort zone. It takes courage to be a "man". Whatever it is that word means. Love you all. <3

Edit: Guys, are comments like this valuable? On Reddit I felt the need to write this way, but everyone seems so chill here...

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DankZedong 15 points 3 years ago

We are very chill here. I hope this post can show the new people what Lemmygrad can be as well, a fun and supporting community. There's no need to hide who you are here, so feel free to type whichever way you want.

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pyska 8 points 3 years ago

💪

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Alpacario 17 points 3 years ago

I love adorable animals, I'll squeal with delight whenever I see a video of one. Alpacas are my favorite.

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CannotSleep420 14 points 3 years ago

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DankZedong 5 points 3 years ago

atta boy

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CannotSleep420 10 points 3 years ago

Girl, actually. She touches more grass than I do.

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Alpacario 4 points 3 years ago

Aww 😍

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ergifruit 3 points 3 years ago

her widdle tummy. oh my gods 😭

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DankZedong 11 points 3 years ago

Alpacas are great. I rented this tiny house in the woods this one time and it had a small animal farm (commie reference) next to it. I woke up next to the alpacas everyday and I had some coffee while they kept eating grass non stop.

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Alpacario 7 points 3 years ago

Sounds like heaven, you're making me jealous. I used to volunteer in my city's zoo every summer and on lunch break I got to go to the petting zoo for the alpacas.

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aidnic 7 points 3 years ago

Why didn’t you teach the Alpacas communist theory when you lived there? smh

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Kirbywithwhip1987 5 points 3 years ago

Reptiles are my favorite and every time I see some lizard or tiny snake, I let them crawl on me

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CannotSleep420 11 points 3 years ago

When I visited Disney World as a kid I loved the little lizards running around the resorts. Those lizards are the only good thing about Florida.

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Kirbywithwhip1987 2 points 3 years ago

And alligators

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communistcapy 16 points 3 years ago

I don't think anyone should feel the need to quantify their actions into a specific gender.

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toomanyjoints69 1 point 3 years ago

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RedClouds 16 points 3 years ago

I probably show a lot more emotion then is stereotypical. I was on swim team in high school. In my heterosexual relationship I was the one that really wanted a child first. If my wife made enough money I would absolutely be a stay at home dad if we needed a stay at home parent (We don't need any parent to stay at home thankfully right now, the way childcare is working out). I go to therapy and actually find it useful. I guess for the typical "male" things I do power lifting (Swoletariat FTW), but I really didn't get into to that until later in life anyway, and I don't follow any of the prototypical lifters.

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pyska 9 points 3 years ago

Bro, therapy is so underrated. Growing up I was made to believe only crazy people needed it. But like, we are not perfect. And talking to someone who was able to call me out on my BS (in a good way) and show me my blindspots was such an eye opener. Would recommend.

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Anatolianin 13 points 3 years ago

I like gardening

This is seriously considered unmanly? Smh

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OneDimensionPrinter 4 points 3 years ago

I refuse to believe it

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CannotSleep420 12 points 3 years ago

I've had a bad case of anhedonia the past few years, so I don't find myself enjoying many things, manly or otherwise. However, I can say some "manly" things I don't like.

I never cared for professional sports. I could maybe get it if the teams actually had ties to the cities they're in, but trading players between teams baffles me. Then you get to fantasy sports, where people basically just track numbers and bet. People tell me sports teams are a great way to find common ground with strangers, but all I can see are brands being used to shove ads in peoples' faces and encourage people to gamble.

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RedFortress 4 points 3 years ago

Same, all the guys I've met are crazy about sports and FIFA games. When I was in high school, I would skip playing football during Phys Ed and watch what the girls were doing instead.

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absentthereaper 6 points 3 years ago

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CannotSleep420 5 points 3 years ago

I got out of gym class in highschool because people in band class don't have to take it.

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raresbears 2 points 3 years ago

I could maybe get it if the teams actually had ties to the cities they’re in, but trading players between teams baffles me.

I think this is probably part of why the only time I follow football is when it's the World Cup or the Euros or something with the national teams like that. Obviously I'm not super into the nationalism aspect of it all, but I guess I just find the concept of managers having to kinda just work with what they've got more appealing than rich clubs just buying up most of the best players.

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ComradeSalad 1 point 3 years ago

Olympics are better somewhat since national allegiance is much more stringent, but things like the World Cup, Euros, FIFA suck as the teams are bought and traded basically. Like how Frances team from this past FIFA was basically all made up of players from its colonies and not France.

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absolutefuckinidiot 11 points 3 years ago

So many things really. I’ve never had any issue with identifying as a man and have always considered myself straight or whatever but I have also always enjoyed “feminine” things without any shame.

I love dancing, fashion, home decorating, really any sort of “domestic” stuff I can get into like cooking or gardening or whatever. I’ve always been into feminine sorta music artists like Lana Del Rey and what not. I wear lots of pinks and other colors and have some feminine sorta tattoos like butterflies and such.

I’ve also worn a dress and done up my makeup a couple of times which was a fun experience. You definitely appreciate how long it can take women to get ready to go out once you try it all yourself lol. I’m honestly glad society doesn’t expect that sorta thing of me (hair, makeup, nails ect) cause I could easily see myself getting very into it and that shit costs lotta time and money.

I don’t see why any man can’t just enjoy the shit that they are drawn to or interested in.

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absentthereaper 11 points 3 years ago

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redtea 5 points 3 years ago

🥁🥁🪇

(Imagine the maracas are cymbals.)

Poetry is a strange one. I also write some and when I mention it I get the strangest looks and have had some awful responses.

I usually refer them to Akala when I hear the gendered shit. If you haven't heard of him, he's a British rapper. He wrote a great book about race. He works with the Royal Shakespeare Company (I think) and goes around schools putting Shakespeare to a beat and explaining how e.g. Tupac rapped in iambic pentameter. He has videos on YouTube and his Fire in the Booth rap is great.

I want to say keep rhyming, Reggaelater Demoman, but my poems don't always rhyme and yours might not, either. Keep writing!

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absentthereaper 5 points 3 years ago

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commiewolf 3 points 3 years ago

I don't think any videogames can be considered non "manly", like 90% of people who play pretty much everything you mentioned are men.

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absentthereaper 6 points 3 years ago

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Kultronx 10 points 3 years ago

Tons of things like others have said. Gardening, dancing, fashion, romance, R&B, Opera, growing my hair out, wine, healthy food. I don't really even consider these unmanly, but I know many do for a cis hetero man. Other than choosing clothes that fit my body type, my gender has no influence on the things I do or choices I make.

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ProbablyKaffe 9 points 3 years ago

I wear and have a lot of pink things. I have a few pairs of flower earrings. I like cute things. If I drink I prefer fruity cocktails.

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Idliketothinkimsmart 6 points 3 years ago

"Mmm this straight-up hard liquor tastes so good"

Liars

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ergifruit 2 points 3 years ago

fruity cocktails taste the best and usually have higher alcohol percentages than beer or "manly" cocktails. if you wanna get hammered, go with what the high femme gal at the bar is ordering.

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ergifruit 9 points 3 years ago

i never saw gardening as something "unmanly", but that might be because i live in a semi-rural area. everybody and their paw-paw gardens, just about. i always paint my nails, and sometimes i'll wear makeup. i see other people mentioning cooking and sewing, but i think that's very dependant on where you're at. my dad, brothers, uncles, male cousins all cook and sew. i always thought it was weird if men couldn't do that; in context of "traditional" Western masculinity, doesn't that mean youre weak and cant provide if you can't cook for your family to keep them fed, or can't fix their clothes to keep them warm? though embroidery is considered feminine, and i like to practice that. i'm really bad at it, but it counts!

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ComradeSalad 8 points 3 years ago

Women were forcefully relegated to housework only, so things like cooking and sewing were all that women could do if they didn’t want to go insane or be beat.

So by extension, in many places those tasks are considered unmanly.

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Tak 6 points 3 years ago

It's weird but as soon as a man can make good money doing it, it's no longer women's work. Programming? Nope. Masculine now. No women allowed. Cooking? Nope. You're a Chef now. No women in the real kitchen. Transcribing? Yes, good men of the cloth, women can't transcribe. Eww gross typewriters, women's work.

Anything to perpetuate that women don't get independence or equality.

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swiftessay 8 points 3 years ago

I'm old so when I was a teenager the Spice Girls were on top of the charts.

I would blast Spice Girls songs on my stereo and sing along. I don't know how it was around the world but here in Brazil it was heavily considered "girl music" in the 90s and if anyone from school saw me doing that they would heavily bully me and call me gay or whatever.

Luckily for me I lived very far away from school, and also discovered myself as bisexual 20 years later soooo... call me gay as much as you like. :)

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acabjones 8 points 3 years ago

Domestic tasks like cooking, washing dishes, folding laundry. It's something real I can do to make me and my partner's lives keep going smooth, plus they're great opportunities for either podcasts or mindfulness.

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roux 5 points 3 years ago

This is me lol. My wife and I really don't have gender rolls as a married couple but I ended up being the one that cooks and cleans for the most part. She hates it and I actually like it so maybe she lucked out. 😂

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Whisipp 8 points 3 years ago

I like doing skincare and facial scrubs and fancy soaps and such (I do wish it wasn't as tarnished by consumerism but I've got no other alternatives)- and apparently I've gotten too good at it because strangers mistake me for a girl sometimes.

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DankZedong 10 points 3 years ago

Same. Skincare routine for men is underrated. Skincare after shaving is still skincare, guys. Apply creams, moisturizer, face masks etc. Your skin will thank you.

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Munrock 4 points 3 years ago

I have this instinctive distrust of skincare products. On the one hand I can see that they make a difference, but on the other it all feels so marketed and I have difficulty trusting the companies that sell them. Like I sometimes wonder if some of those products are very simple, very accessible chemicals that are cheap to get/make, but with extra smells and a price hike slapped on.

That said, used coffee grounds as a facial scrub <3

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Whisipp 2 points 3 years ago

Stole this from a blog, but making everything is also an option- this is one for cleansing face wipes

EQUIPMENT 8 ounce glass spray bottle Reusable fabric wipes (or cotton rounds) INGREDIENTS

1 cup distilled water 2 tsp aloe vera gel 2 tsp witch hazel ¼ tsp castile soap (or less if desired) 1 tsp olive oil (or almond, avocado, fractionated coconut oil, etc.) INSTRUCTIONS

Add the oil, aloe vera, and witch hazel to the bottom of a glass spray bottle and mix to combine. Add the castile soap. Last, add the water just until the bottle is almost full. If you’re using a 16-ounce spray bottle then fill it halfway full. Shake and spray the mixture on your cloth wipes right before use. Store the mixture in the fridge and use within 1-2 weeks.

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redtea 2 points 3 years ago

Strong agree. I don't know how some people don't do it. My skin is unforgiving, though. I couldn't shave if I didn't moisturise after. Alum block also comes in handy.

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commiewolf 8 points 3 years ago

soaps/shampoos/conditioners marketed at women are always somehow better than the "Badass" manly ones by Adidas or whatever.

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ComradeSalad 11 points 3 years ago

The scent of Lavender VS The scent of WARCRIMES

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CannotSleep420 7 points 3 years ago

I use whatever happens to be in the shower. Many times it's marketed towards women.

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rwsl 4 points 3 years ago

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DankZedong 3 points 3 years ago

No joke a while ago I went to my parents' house for a visit and my brother had this shampoo and body was 2-in1 standing there which had and image of an explosion and flames on it lmao

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DankZedong 1 point 3 years ago

No joke a while ago I went to my parents' house for a visit and my brother had this shampoo and body wash 2-in-1 standing there which had and image of an explosion and flames on it lmao

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CohortCzort 7 points 3 years ago

Gardening and generally caring for plants is so rewarding. Also something I enjoy

I also like charm bracelets and non precious jewely.

And dressing in flowy flowery clothing

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Kirbywithwhip1987 7 points 3 years ago

Well I painted my sister's nails, but not mine and I watched some animes that can be considered 'just for girls'.

And I dance a lot but I had no idea it's considered ''unmanly''.

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ComradeSalad 7 points 3 years ago

I love knitting and sewing. It’s very relaxing and I love seeing what I make! Even better if I do a good enough job to wear it!

I sleep basically every night with a stuffed animal that I received from a very close and important friend. (He’s also pink so it’s even more “unmanly”)

Gardening is so fun! My cucumbers and tomatoes are coming along so well! (My watermelons not so much, only 1 of 4 have survived due to deer)

Cleaning is very fun to me. Seeing things become clean is very rewarding, especially if I’m doing it for someone else close to me.

Cooking is a very high interest of mine! Particularly baking!

Painting my nails is also very fun and I can’t wait to do that more, as that’s sadly a dangerous thing to do where I live.

Kissing other guys. This is either extreme manly in the eyes of the Greeks and Spartans, or extremely unmanly in the current western purview.

I do funny little dances when I hear songs I like playing in the store.

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absentthereaper 5 points 3 years ago

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KommandoGZD 7 points 3 years ago

Looking at this thread and how all kinds of farming and landscaping in my experience are overwhelmingly male dominated profession it's probably not that extraordinary of an answer - but yeah, plants and gardening are awesome. I'm a big sucker for well built parks and botanical gardens too, not just forrests, meadows and fields.

Idk why but since this spring I really grew to love flowers as well. Still not big on cut, indoor flowers, but flowering bushes, trees and all kinds of plants this time of the year just brighten up your day heaps. They add so much colour, life and smell to even the most boring parts of cities.

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DankZedong 2 points 3 years ago

I never was big on flowers either until the cities here decided to stop mowing everything and let things grow. Suddenly there were wild flowers everywhere and the insects returned with them. It's cool to see that such a small decision van create so much new life, and flowers are the key factor in this.

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PiusBuenzli 5 points 3 years ago

Taking care of the kids and spending time with them a lot is something I love. Not a lot of men do that in my area.

I'm so bad at gardening but it's fun and I'm trying.

Cooking is kinda a hobby as well that I enjoy a lot

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ATiredPhilosopher 5 points 3 years ago

+1 to painting nails

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ydima 3 points 3 years ago

painting nails also helps me to avoid biting then lol

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201dberg 5 points 3 years ago

Idk what constitutes many and non manly anymore. I guess growing plants and gardening type stuff is not "manly"? I have a lot of amaryllis flowers that bloom every year. I have 4 that I raised from seeds from my very first one. They bloomed a year ago. It takes 3 years of growth minimum before the bloom. They have some huge flowers. I have like 12 different ones now. 4 varieties. The first one is a pure red and I saved it. My mom got it as a gift for Xmas and after it bloomed she just threw the bulb out. I found it and repotted it. It bloomed on valentine's day. I call it my plant GF.

We also have moonflowers that grow all around our house. The local bees love them and I like going out in the evenings mid to late summer when they are all open cause they smell amazing.

I also like fermenting foods. Idk if that's considered not manly or anything but I like it and it's fun to me.

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redtea 5 points 3 years ago

I think a lot of the distinction comes down to marketing.

Things have changed in my lifetime. My granddad, for instance, knew how to sew and was proud of it. He was a soldier and soldiers who can't do art least minor repairs in the field aren't useful. He probably wasn't embroidering flowers on his kit bag but it's the same skill.

I remember wanting to learn to sew in school because of stories like that but almost all the other boys tried their hardest not to enjoy textiles class. It's still gendered reasoning, but it seems like there used to be gendered reasons to do any hobby but nowadays it's 'just for girls' or 'just for boys'. Immersed in the literature that I read, I'm always shocked to still see things sold in pink for girls and blue for boys.

There seems to be a trend in treating e.g. sewing as useful for snazzing something up or making something decorative. There's less around about e.g. making or fixing clothes. This conveniently lines up with fast fashion. I'll say from experience that although fast fashion doesn't last long due to the quality, applying the right techniques can still make clothes last for years. Come to think of it, I wonder if clothes were ever really 'made to last' or whether previous generations just made things last. Maybe it's a mix of both.

When I was a kid (not that long ago) I remember having a tool kit and asking everyone for spare wood. Toys nowadays are like the Apple universe, where it works once before you have to buy a bespoke expansion kit. I know these things existed when I was a kid but it seems worse now. Then again I also used to take things apart around the house and put them back together so maybe I was just a misfit even then.

Anyway, my point was that there seems to be a connection between:

Dividing hobbies between genders rather than finding gendered ways to sell each hobby to boy, girl, and non-binary consumers (ironically? there has been an attempt to use rainbow flags to sell hobbies to LGBTQIA2S consumers) – removing the skill element and replacing it with mere consumerism.
Single use products and incompatibility between brands.

This suggests a relationship between modern gender norms and conditioning us to buy as many products as possible without ever repairing them. I'm unsure if this clarifies the difficulty in working out what hobbies are for which gender. But it seems to be confusing because we're getting mixed messages from the production side of things.

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DankZedong 3 points 3 years ago

That's the thing with this post: there is no such thing as a manly interest. But society teaches a lot of young men that it is really important to have these so called 'manly interests' like violence, sports, appearing tough etc. And when you don't fit into these categories, you can get abuse from other men or society in general.

My post was meant as a way to connect with others and to see that everyone has a vast variety of interests and that there is no shame in liking things that aren't what I mentioned above.

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HaSch 5 points 3 years ago

Considering Thermodynamics, Quantum Mechanics, Statistics, Symmetry Groups, Differential Geometry, and General Relativity, I have spent at least 6 semesters obsessing over things that are warm, small, fuzzy, round, smooth, and bouncy, respectively

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Big_Farto 5 points 3 years ago

Ah, perhaps you are familiar with the hairy ball theorem then. Very manly

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HaSch 1 point 3 years ago

I am very fond of it, sadly it doesn't seem to have any applications with regard to the Cox-Zucker machine yet

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Shrike502 5 points 3 years ago

Since I am a man, everything I do is automatically manly

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SillyJester 5 points 3 years ago

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PunsNRoses 5 points 3 years ago

I just dyed my hair purple today, so there's that. I also like painting my nails.

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silent_clash 4 points 3 years ago

I want to wear a light dress one of these days... I did drag in the past but wearing a dress as "me" with no fake boobs, makeup, etc seems appealing.

This isn't gendered at all but I enjoy cultivating bonsai. And singing!

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GreatSquare 4 points 3 years ago

I am a crocheting and knitting guy also. Great de-stress activity that produces something tangible when you're finished.

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RedFortress 4 points 3 years ago

Little things like liking flowers and nice smells shouldn't even be considered feminine really.

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brandhout 4 points 3 years ago

Talking about my feelings, gardening and taking care of kids. I am much softer/sweeter towards children and pets than my girlfriend anyway, which many people find strange or uneasy.

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redtea 3 points 3 years ago

I love gardening. Not sure it's unmanly but maybe you're doing it different to me. I use lots of gravel, huge rocks, and power tools. No greenery to use them on, but they make a fantastic engine sound to disturb the neighbours and emit lovely fragrances of diesel fumes.

Really, though, a hand push mower changed my life and the cornflowers and sunflowers are growing nicely this year. I think I have a few China astors growing but I might've planted them too late. Coriander, basil, and mint have germinated on the kitchen windowsill nicely.

And the rose bush! I read that they can take a cutting and when they're cut will determine whether they grow big or grow flowers. Stems that grow from a cutting this year will just grow big. Stems that grow through winter because they're cut at the end of this year's flowering will flower next year. This bush had about 6 flowers on last year. This year, it has 20+ and lots of buds about to come through. They are thirsty, though, and I've been cheekily using a little rose feed.

The same food has brought into bloom some lavender plants, which I rescued last autumn.

What do you crochet? I've always loved embroidery but want to try some crochet. I bought an embroidery book from a charity shop. It's an encyclopedia with stitches, patterns, examples. It's from the sixties and the examples are fantastic. I'm saving up for a sewing machine and plan to make a few things from the book, then embroider some of the patterns on what I make. It can all be done by hand, but things like quilting will be much quicker and smoother with a machine, I'm hoping.

Down with gender stereotypes!!

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Rasm635u 5 points 3 years ago

Never thought I would see someone describe the smell of diesel fuel as "lovely fragrances"

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redtea 2 points 3 years ago

It was a joke about having a manly garden with tools but no plants.

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DankZedong 1 point 3 years ago

So far I crocheted (?) a bookmark lol. I don't have much time to do it. My gf is making me a shirt for the summer though. She's already made bags, hats and skirts and I admire her skills. Her word is that it's easier and faster than knitting and you can make some cool things with it as well, in a pretty decent pace.

Plus, crocheted items are the cool thing to wear right now apparently. I encourage everyone to try it for themselves, though, to see how much effort is needed to make a shirt or a hat. Since crocheting can only be done by hand AFAIK you can put into perspective how much H&M underpays their workers when you buy a 10 euro crocheted shirt.

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redtea 3 points 3 years ago

That sounds like a good place to start as I'd always use a bookmark.

Since crocheting can only be done by hand AFAIK you can put into perspective how much H&M underpays their workers when you buy a 10 euro crocheted shirt.

The idea of bringing something into fashion that is so labour intensive and exploitative is just… smh

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PoY 3 points 3 years ago

i like music that tends to appeal to women but most guys wouldn't be caught dead listening to.. and I like to sing in a high pitch rather than lower

i do the laundry and the vacuuming in our house.. my partner is tiny and it's hard for her to vacuum and i don't mind it

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Nalumixx 2 points 3 years ago

I also love painting my nails as well as the occasional eyeliner 💅

For nail polish I don't even get harassed by strangers. That only occurs because of my overall "emo" aesthetic :/

Also my teacher deadass asked me how it came that I read a girls book after my book presentation. I didn't even know it was a girls book like it wasn't written anywhere😭😭 (I may have autism)

Since many have pointed out that gardening may also be considered "unmanly": I also love that as well as plants, nature and botanical gardens

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Rasm635u 2 points 3 years ago

Horses

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SourCape 2 points 3 years ago

My girlfriend recently got me into RuPaul’s Drag Race and I've been loving it. Never thought I would like it (still working on unlearning my misogynist/patriarchal upbringing…) but we’ve been binging a bunch of seasons of it. Literally spend half the episodes crying and the other half laughing pretty much. It’s so much fun and so emotional.

Got tickets to my first drag show in a couple months too so super excited for that!

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redtea 1 point 3 years ago

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citsuah 0 points 3 years ago

Playing the flute

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