That's another issue - I've felt hopeful or positive in many dark places of my life - and I don't see how it helped me. I might be in the dark all my life for all I know. And be hopeful every second of it. Wouldn't that be agony?
Not trying to pick on ya - I know you're trying to help. Thanks for the reply.
You start to live out of spite. If we don't mean jack shit to the world and there is no grand plan or purpose for our existence, fuck it, find your own just to spite the nothingness.
In all honesty, I was there (sort of) a couple years ago, started reading philosophy and it kinda helped. Went from stoicism, to nihilism, and landed on absurdism.
There's two ways to think of this kind of nihilistic outlook.
Nothing matters and the universe is uncaring, therefore we should just roll over and disengage. Withdraw from society and life.
Nothing matters and the universe is uncaring, therefore you have a blank slate to fill your world with the meaning you choose. You have the power to do anything you want to. In the end it may not matter in the bigger scheme of things, but that just means it's okay to focus on yourself and the people you love.
Well, you can always realize that you're free to just enjoy yourself. Find ways to get your little dopamine hits however you want. You're free to try new things, pick up new hobbies, new habits.
After all, you're already going to die anyways. What's the worst that can happen?
It's much like learning that we're in the Matrix, only Morpheus isn't here to guide you or even give you a stateroom and some goop to eat. But yes, I've run into a similar problem in which I was raised on American Exceptionalism and the glories of capitalism, all the while we knew our society was driving us to ecological ruin.
I'm still sorting out the existential mess. Sartre's suggestion that existence precedes essence doesn't help much when society itself was antagonistic on the day I was born, already scheming to make me another expendable, replaceable soldier or laborer for some plutocrat's vanity projects. Camus, on the other hand recognizes the absurdity of finding meaning in a meaningless life. In this case refusing to give up is doing the thing. It's neither easy nor fun.
But yes, now we know we're in a dystopian society that never meant for us to fully participate except as fodder, we're as Winston in Nineteen Eighty Four recognizing not just that something's wrong, but that big brother can't watch us all the time. Indeed, the system is too complex, like Hammond's scientists and controllers on Isla Nublar trying to manage aggressive cloned dinosaurs. There are ways to exploit the chaos of the complexity to sabotage the system, or at least sneak through the cracks. And that's what we do until we find a more interesting objective.
The thing I got from existentialism is that we must create our own meaning or purpose. "Existence precedes essence" - the molecules that make you, I, everyone else, and all the stuff around us are just following the laws of physics. It's only when molecules get arranged into brains that create mind, that essence happens, as opposed to existence.
Meaning or purpose is something that we shaved apes create with our information-processing organs.
The way I see it, everyone must create meaning or purpose for themselves. Nobody else can do it for you.
Hi 5 years ago me!
Literally. Except male. Too much and too private for public post. Since 2018 I’ve gone 140-215lbs(I’m 6’4”), too disabled to work 2017-2021, raised culty-Catholic but realized eschatology doesn’t do good things for disabled peoples minds, living with my wife’s infirm grandparents so no rent but she set herself on fire to keep us warm.
Medication and diagnosis of physical disease in February 2021 after 20 years of illness. New job July 2021. Tech work to lumber mill was quite the transition. Autism and traumatic stress disorder diagnosis in fall 2022.
Don’t know if I have any advice but lots of stories! Shared pain is lessened etc.
If anything I’d say ‘Your body does not define you’.
Not at all. Go for it. Even if you just need to take a big ole shit on someone.
I tried to DM you initially but couldn’t figure out how in the PWA kbin app.
Hey, I truly get where you're coming from. I've been down similar paths where everything I knew and believed in seemed to crumble around me. And man, it hit hard. It's like you're built for a world, and then suddenly that world doesn't seem to exist anymore.
Back in my rough patch, it was hard to see any silver lining. Everything felt like it was taken from me, but over time, I began to see those moments differently. It wasn't about what I'd lost, but rather about the new perspectives I was gaining and the resilience building up inside of me.
One thing that helped me during those times was to stop looking so far into the future or dwelling on the past. Instead, I tried to focus on the present moment. It sounds cliché, but it grounded me. Made me notice the opportunities and little blessings right in front of me that I might've otherwise overlooked.
And while I know it's not easy, finding that internal anchor and focusing on the here and now might give you a new viewpoint. Sure, things are different, maybe even unrecognizable, but there's something to be said about the lessons and strength we gain from facing adversity.
Hang in there. Times like these reshape us, and while it's a challenging process, you might find that on the other side, you're stronger and more adaptable than you ever imagined.
Get some antidepressants. You're in a deep hole and everything looks hopeless from where you are. In reality, there is cause for hope. You just can't see it right now. The antidepressants will allow you to look over the edge of the hole.
Reduce major sources of stress from your life wherever practical. Maybe you need to take a leave of absence from your job. Maybe you need to spend a week in a tent, camping somewhere remote. Maybe you just need to lie in beed for a couple weeks. Focus on you for a little while.
Exercise. Everyone says it works, because it does. Every study ever on this topic indicates it will help you feel better. Start with small goals like five minutes of walking each day, and expand. Aim for as much exercise as you can tolerate right now.
Stop drinking. Drinking will make you feel even more sad the next day. It is only a temporary reprieve.
Consider cutting out the caffeine. One of the main side effects of caffeine is anxiety. People are addicted to caffeine (as was I), and though it provides a nice little dopamine hit, that only lasts a couple of hours, then you're left with the anxiety. Worse, people often drink more and more to get that dopamine hit. You're impacting your sleep quality if you do this.
Sleep at least eight hours a night. Aim for nine so you're in bed with the lights off with enough time to actually fall asleep to get that eight hours. Right now you might even need nine or 10 hours. Don't skimp on this.
Do some couple's counselling. It did wonders my marriage. You'll discover how to communicate more effectively, and learn much more about each other. He'll learn how you're really feeling, and how to help you more effectively. You'll probably find he's been trying in his own way, but his efforts aren't hitting the mark.
Actively engage in mindfulness meditation. I've been doing this my whole life, well before it had a name. It has saved me. I believe I am only still here because I learned how to do this. It basically means focusing hard on the thing you're doing, instead of allowing the thousands of intrusive thoughts to fuck up every waking moment in your life. Focus really hard on the smell of your tea first thing in the morning. Consider the flavours. The temperature. How does it feel going down. Does it make you feel warm? Comforted? Of course it does. Focus on those feelings as intensely as you can. Repeat. Do this for a hot shower. Sleeping in on Saturday. Your favourite movie. A new book. You'll soon discover that life is full of these pleasurable experiences which you have been unable to enjoy.
I feel like I can relate to your experience, because I was raised to be a totally different person than the one I'm becoming. Eventually I realised I just couldn't keep it up, couldn't be that person. What followed was hell, and I didn't know how (or if!) I would ever have a chance at a less miserable existence.
What happened was, I changed. Slowly, without even noticing, I became - and am becoming - a different person, with a different outlook on the world and different goals. Someone a little better suited to their particular demons. Someone old me would frankly not have liked... but I'm not that guy anymore, and he was even MORE clueless than I am.
I think this can happen to you, too. You just have to stick around long enough, and you'll see it happen. You can't NOT change over time, it's the only thing that is guaranteed to happen to you. And I don't have anything specific to base this on, but everything I know about the world leads me to believe that humans can and will adapt to an incredible range of bullshit.
As for why you should stick around to see this happen, here's how I'd put it - there simply is NO logical way to answer the question of whether or not your life is worth living. Believe me, I've tried; a subjective question can't have an objective answer. But you'll have moments when you're OK and want to be OK, and you're a very different person in those moments than when you're in the depths of despair and don't want to go on. So you're gonna have to decide, on a purely subjective basis, which one of those people you want to be. Personally, I think wanting to exist makes you a lot cooler, so I tend to go with that.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. From what you described, I completely understand why life feels especially shit right now. You’re depressed, and that’s ok. Many of us (or nearly all in this sub) have felt similarly. Life is hard and sometimes it sucks hard. Change is the only thing we can always expect. But I promise you will feel better if you do these things:
First: get enough sleep every night and exercise 20+ mins every day (even a 20 min walk counts). One or two missed days is ok, but consistency is the ultimate goal.
Next: relentlessly focus on gratitude for the things in the world that you find beauty and pleasure in. Birds, sunrises/sunsets, rivers/lakes/oceans, gardening, hiking, music, dance, etc.
Finally: get mental healthcare if you can. Psychiatry and therapy. They will help manage symptoms and learn valuable coping tools for when you’re feeling flooded with emotion.
There’s obviously a lot missing from this reply and I expect you’ll find things that resonate with you as you move through your journey. Stay attuned to those things and cultivate the tools/ideas that you identify with. Those are your personal set of happiness keys. Thank you for reaching out to strangers on the internet and good luck <3
Unfortunately I cannot access most of the things you listed because of a major surgery I had to get last month which also drained my finances. Sooo no i cannot exercise, cannot dance, cannot do photography as much as I love it, can't see the birds/rivers/oceans etc. And cannot pay for any therapy.
I get what you mean but fixing my happiness to some activities I may or may not be able to do is not the mentality I can use at this situation. Your response is actually depressing for me, I think it would be a lot more depressing for someone who is permanently unable to do those things.
I’m sorry that my response added to your pain
First step is always to realize you need help. Talk to somebody you trust about your situation and make sure they keep an eye on you if things go out of your control. Then look for some professional help. Sometimes the best treatment for this kind of hopelessness is psychotherapy, sometimes you need meds and, most of the times, you need both. You should probably be assessed by a psychiatrist to get the best treatment possible. Hospitalization can be helpful too. Sorry for my English
thanks for using Leebra!
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You have to choose to have hope. Hope isn’t something given to you and it doesn’t fall from the sky. It may help to have someone or something to fight for, but ultimately you are fighting for yourself and those around you in your life. You may continue to walk through darkness, feel hopeless, for a long time - with the only thing giving you enough light to see the next step forward being your own internal flame. But you have to fight. It’s the only way through, to keep going even though it’s hard, until you find happiness again.
You have to choose to have hope.
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