Conditional Baptism

a year ago by Maven (famous) to c/programmer_humor

Gork 89 points a year ago

This is a slippery slope to baptismal logic gates

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technojamin 7 points a year ago

Turing complete baptisms

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theneverfox 68 points a year ago

Baptism is such a weird thing. It's ritualized cleansing turned into one and done

You can get baptized as many times as you like, it doesn't stack

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CanadaPlus 60 points a year ago

Per the actual wiki, some denominations seem to think it's a sin or heresy to do someone more than once. Which seems like what the nullification in the baptize function is supposed to capture.

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Viking_Hippie 18 points a year ago

some denominations seem to think it's a sin or heresy to do someone more than once

Those denominations must have really high divorce rates..

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Tanoh 25 points a year ago

Baptism is such a weird thing.

I think Haskell is such a weird thing

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expr 3 points a year ago

Dunno what to tell ya, it's great.

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Gork 25 points a year ago

Could you imagine how op you could become though if baptisms stacked

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theneverfox 6 points a year ago

Can you get more clean than clean?

Numbers are a human thing. The universe don't care

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_stranger_ 21 points a year ago

I imagine if baptisms stacked, you could pile on a gazillion of them like ablative armor against incoming sin.

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theneverfox 8 points a year ago

Lol, imagine if showers stacked. You could spend a week showering and then all filth just disappears when it touches you

But then, what happens to the filth?

The only way I see this working is if you shower, you just continuously wash filth off yourself. But then does it all just kick in when you walk out of the shower? Or maybe, you never become clean until you've washed a lifetime of filth off yourself, then you're clean forever

I'm imagining every baby just covered in sludge, and after years of washing they become clean. Imagine your kid just never gets cleaner, and everyone just thinks you're a terrible parent. Imagine cleaning your kid and they become clean way ahead of schedule

There's some real existential horror here

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NotASharkInAManSuit 6 points a year ago

Incoming baptismal penetration estimate from carnal sins: -17 layers

Shield integrity: 69%

Hull integrity: 100%

System: stable

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vithigar 4 points a year ago

Conceptual numeracy is a human thing. The universe absolutely cares about quantifiable physical properties which we represent as numbers.

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Gutek8134 4 points a year ago

I think erasing one's body could make you more clean than clean

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Viking_Hippie 3 points a year ago

So what you're saying is that fundies need to be cremated? Possibly AFTER death from other causes?

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Viking_Hippie 2 points a year ago

Numbers are a human thing. The universe don't care

Doubly so with religion, though 馃し

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MrQuallzin 9 points a year ago

The LDS (Mormons) actually do repeat it, in a sense. Their weekly sacrament is a renewal of their baptismal blessings

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Mouselemming 6 points a year ago

Probably the reason some other sects call double-dipping a sin, so as to not be like those Mormons.

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CanadaPlus 2 points a year ago

That seems likely, zealots love a good dividing line. I'm reminded of all the weird obsessing in the Mishnah about wine because the non-Jews of the period used it in sacrifices.

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Mouselemming 2 points a year ago

Well there were also times it was unsafe to use red wine because the non-Jews were looking for any excuse to claim it was the blood of Christian babies.

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markovs_gun 3 points a year ago

Although baptism probably has its roots in the Mikva, which is a ritual cleansing, that's not really the significance within Christianity. Baptism is not a washing away of sins, or impurity, but is rather a symbolic death and resurrection. The Apostle Paul, an early codifier of Christian doctrine whose letters became part of the Christian Bible wrote as follows in Romans chapter 6

Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? Therefore we have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.

This has the same end effect- the removal of sin and purification, but the conception is totally different.

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theneverfox 2 points a year ago

Jesus was a revolutionary. He removed all weaknesses that could be used against the Jewish people, from temples to stockpiles to using money. He made the early church suck resources from an occupying force while giving nothing back, not even disobedience that could justify a crack down

In this process, he replaced many rituals with simpler versions that can be done without any special requirements. He reworked every ritual so that it couldn't be taken away, it couldn't be used to force compliance

Paul was a true believer and philosopher, his job was to sell it to the people. His words were canonized alongside the gospels because they were convenient when reframing Jesus's teachings with the values of the Roman religion... Plenty less convenient writings were buried instead

Paul was a transitional figure who found himself in between the early church and unexpected gentile converts... He had to rebrand the rituals for a wider audience while keeping the core message. Nothing against the guy... He was in an impossible position and did his best

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Aurenkin 60 points a year ago

Priest: If you are not yet baptised, I baptise you in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit. Else break.

Parents: *sweating nervously*...else what

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Lemminary 50 points a year ago

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Aurenkin 6 points a year ago

I didn't expect the FP inquisition.

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NewOldGuard 21 points a year ago

Haskell mentioned 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位

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VitabytesDev 11 points a year ago

Half Life mentioned 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位 馃挭 位

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CanadaPlus 14 points a year ago

That honestly seems like the best way to write conditionalBaptize but I still hate it. Probably because IRL you'd just rewrite baptism instead of retrofitting the function with a clever use of id.

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solrize 11 points a year ago

This is probably an ok use for a GADT. Something like:

{-# LANGUAGE DataKinds      #-}
{-# LANGUAGE GADTs          #-}
{-# LANGUAGE KindSignatures #-}

data Bap = Baptized | Unbaptized

data Person :: Bap -> * where
   Baptize :: Person Unbaptized -> Person Baptized
   NewPerson :: Person Unbaptized

conditionalBaptize :: Person a -> Person Baptized
conditionalBaptize p =
    case p of NewPerson -> Baptize p
              Baptize _ -> p

main = return ()
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KazuchijouNo 13 points a year ago

Thank you for refactoring baptism. How do we push this to production now?

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expr 5 points a year ago

It looks pretty normal to me as a professional Haskeller, though I suppose it's perhaps slightly cleaner to write it as conditionalBaptize p = fromMaybe p $ baptize p. It's largely just a matter of taste and I'd accept either version when reviewing an MR.

Edit: I just thought of another version that actually is far too clever and shouldn't be used:

conditionalBaptize = ap fromMaybe baptize, making use of the monad instance for ->. But yeah, don't do this.

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paulbg 12 points a year ago

i need a therapist who will express life in haskell

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thanks_shakey_snake 10 points a year ago

Which denominations implement idempotent baptisms?

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goatinspace 4 points a year ago

Haskell -> Maybe Language

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fubarx 4 points a year ago

Sounds like Haskell needs an official Saint.

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solrize 11 points a year ago

There's an old joke about functional programming separating Church from state.

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squalless 4 points a year ago

Excerpt from Learn You a Haskell for Great God!

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Alph4d0g 4 points a year ago

I鈥檓 not religious but I thought baptism was always conditional on confirmation - not in writing or scripture but via a handshake agreement with the parents or some shit.

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TheReturnOfPEB 1 point a year ago path: 0 18841850, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
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