Starbucks

a year ago by Track_Shovel to c/microblogmemes

Quetzalcutlass 133 points a year ago

I would want to be friends with every character in this fictional story.

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ivanafterall 49 points a year ago

I wouldn't, because Starbucks. There's 100% a superior hipster/indie/whatever appropriate gender coffee shop within 2-3 blocks. Very possibly right next door. Why are you okay with burnt espresso?

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saltesc 32 points a year ago

They cover the burnt flavour with a quart of sugar, syrups, and creams so you don't even taste the coffee- Oh, wait second...

No, at $4500 a cup, I'm sure it's the best.

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agamemnonymous 5 points a year ago

It's actually kinda the other way around. My uncle lived in Seattle for years, and he told me he ran into some Starbucks executive once. He asked about the burnt coffee, and they told him it was intentional so you could still taste "coffee" through all the sugar, syrups, and creams.

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PhobosAnomaly 2 points a year ago

In fairness.... and I hate myself for saying this... their blonde bean isn't half bad!

Thankfully, they do blonde Nespresso pods so happy days. I know Nespresso have their own evils but one step at a time, eh?

Thankfully there's a local chain near where I live that is expensive as fuck but at least does better coffee. At least that's how I justify nearly remortgaging for each latte these days.

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_g_be 21 points a year ago

I have a dreading feeling that Nespresso is owned by Nestle, along with contributing to the single-use waste that is needlessly polluting

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Alcoholicorn 11 points a year ago

pods

Come on, have some self-respect. Literally just pouring hot water into a cup with some coffee, then pouring off the coffee 5 minutes later makes better coffee than that.

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echodot 19 points a year ago

There isn't around me. They used to be but he had to close down because it turned out he wasn't paying for all of his electricity (somehow the electrical company were only billing him for a quarter of what he was actually using) when they amended the bill it was pretty obviously unaffordable.

The rent is ridiculous because it's in the commuter belt for a major city even though the town itself is kind of a dump.

So all I have is the option of Starbucks or driving like 25 minutes into the city and trying to find something there.

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sp3ctr4l 10 points a year ago

Because people need their coffee flavored milkshakes, ok?

And you're gate keeping coffee if you dare to suggest otherwise, ok?

And also you are not allowed to tell anyone that they have a morning milkshake addiction, okkkk????

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HellieSkellie 10 points a year ago

People on Lemmy don't seem to remember that rural landscapes exist where stuff like this isn't true. And people on Lemmy are somehow even more up their own ass than redditors, jfc

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slaneesh_is_right 4 points a year ago

I bought an espresso machine becuase that is absolutely not true. I hate Starbucks with a passion, but every other "hipster" coffee place is even more expensive and you get absolutely crap coffee. And there aren't as many around as people make it out to be.

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Soggy 3 points a year ago

This specific story may be fictional but it is 100% plausible at the Seattle Broadway location.

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marduk 0 points a year ago
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Unlearned9545 117 points a year ago

For folks not believing: I have totally done shit like this. At a state fair and my fiancรฉ didn't want to ride the ferris wheel. I overheard another couple who was having the same conversation so I ran over to the guy and asked him if he'd ride the ferris wheel with me. He said yes, we held hands and skipped down the road to get in line. Had a great time and took selfies together to send back to our partners.

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Petter1 26 points a year ago

Great start for swinger lifestyle ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคญ

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JackbyDev 14 points a year ago

And then you fucked in the Ferris wheel and everyone clapped as they saw you in the sky.

/s

This isn't actually unbelievable, I'm just being silly.

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fmstrat 11 points a year ago

The particular story may be fake, but 100% these things happen.

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I_Has_A_Hat -2 points a year ago

Wow! And you remembered every word every person said as it played out like a badly written TV show?

That's the part that makes it unbelievable, not the circumstances.

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WoodScientist 14 points a year ago

People embellish. People elaborate. People romanticize.

That's how history becomes legend, and legend becomes myth.

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BurntWits 1 point a year ago

Itโ€™s also how for 2500 years it can pass out of all knowledge.

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WoodScientist 2 points a year ago

The same thing happens to each of us individually. Consider what happens after you are gone.

First you are history. People who knew you intimately still walk the Earth. When they speak of you, they refer to events they recall specifically. They were an eye witness. They can recount a reasonable telling of your whole life story to a high degree of accuracy.

Next, you are legend. A few choice moments from your life are remembered. Did you die in some objectively comedic way? That may become a family legend of that one nephew that died doing that crazy thing. "Did you know you had an uncle that died while wingsuit diving?" Or some of your greatest life accomplishments are remembered. "Do you know your great Aunt once met and received an award from the President of the United States?" "Did you know your Great Grandfather helped invent (famous or world-changing device or technology.)" "Did you know that during the war, your Grandfather once killed a whole (large military number) of Nazi soldiers all by himself?" Your greatest deeds and misdeeds become the stuff of family and community legend. They are exaggerated, they are embellished. They are told by those who never knew you in life. But they refer to you as a real historical individual. You are a specific person that someone can point to on a family tree, a community historical archive, etc.

Finally, you are myth. Centuries have gone by. Individuals lose their distinction. Entire groups just blur together, compressed into stereotypes lasting centuries. Imagine how you personally perceive the people who lived in 13th century France. Unless you've studied a lot of Medieval history or literature, most people would struggle to name even a single real resident of 13th century France. Me? I have a vague sense of what the time was like. I'm imagining peasants, nobility, knights, religious crusades, etc. I'm imagining a pastiche made from cinema, old history videos and documentaries, some vague rememberings from a European History class I took in high school, and some Dan Brown podcasts. To me, the people who lived in that place and time may as well be myth. The individual persons are so lost to time, that any visage I construct in my mind will consist of entirely mythical people. I'm sure if I read some surviving diaries, some individuals from then would change from myth back to legend. But over time, records and sources are lost, or they are simply forgotten and read for the last time. In time all of us will slip into myth. We all become as real as Hector or Odysseus.

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Unlearned9545 1 point a year ago

When you are recounting a story you pick a few essences you wish to convey and run with it to get your point across. Truthful does not always mean accurate.

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ook 60 points a year ago
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echodot 10 points a year ago

I could see this happening in Europe or Scandinavia where everyone is a lot less uptight than they are in the US. Hell even Canada.

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DragonTypeWyvern 40 points a year ago

I've been told half of Scandinavia will straight up stab you for approaching them like this

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ook 28 points a year ago
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SkunkWorkz 29 points a year ago

Never been to Scandinavia have you? Those are low contact cultures with large personal spaces. Most Scandis would never let a stranger hold their hand.

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boonhet 19 points a year ago

Estonian not Scandinavian here, but we were hella mad when we had to social distance at 2 meters. What a huge relief it was to go back to the usual 5 meters when those rules went away.

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MonkderVierte 12 points a year ago

Yeah, more Spain/Italy, maybe Switzerland and France too. Austria; less likely. Germany and upwards; nope.

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holomorphic 3 points a year ago

Switzerland? In the French or Italien speaking parts maybe. The German speaking part is more like Germany with less bureaucracy.

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Quetzalcutlass 8 points a year ago

No caffeine junkie is that clever before they've had their morning fix. Now, if everyone in the story spoke only in groans and unintelligible zombie noises, it'd be a little more believable.

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echodot 10 points a year ago

I've never understood people with that attitude. I like caffeine, it makes me feel good, but it never felt unable to function if I haven't been able to have it. If you're not getting enough sleep caffeine won't fix that. It's not magic rest juice, it just gives you temporary energy but you'll pay that back when the caffeine wears off.

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beetus 7 points a year ago

You have a healthier relationship with caffeine and sleep than many do. That's the simple truth of it. You could be a caffeine craving zombie too, just get less sleep and drink more coffee.

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stringere 3 points a year ago

it just gives you temporary energy but you'll pay that back when the caffeine wears off.

Problems sometimes arrive with their solution in hand.

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slaneesh_is_right 2 points a year ago

Haha in Scandinavia? Sure thing.

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Iheartcheese 60 points a year ago

And then everyone clapped

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FuckFascism 28 points a year ago
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JackbyDev 4 points a year ago

Clapped cheeks

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Honytawk 2 points a year ago

They at least got all frappuccinos

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Lemminary 2 points a year ago

Only two, as far as I can tell.

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betterdeadthanreddit 37 points a year ago

Man, I've been there. You get locked into the bit over awkward indecision on whether to stop, flee the scene or keep going but you're already in motion so you keep going by default.

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marduk 26 points a year ago

Something something random act of genuine kindness

Something something male physical touch

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aeronmelon 19 points a year ago

Iโ€™m upset because we never find out what exactly was crazy.

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fmstrat 3 points a year ago

Tons of people in line.

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ACbHrhMJ 16 points a year ago

Cool story bro

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wowwoweowza 14 points a year ago

And then everyone clapped?

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Agent641 15 points a year ago

Cheeks, yes

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chuymatt 3 points a year ago

Yโ€™all donโ€™t know enough theatre folks. We will always commit to a bit for a laugh.

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wowwoweowza 1 point a year ago

This scene is epic! All time favorite!

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JackbyDev 12 points a year ago

YES. I love this stupid copypasta. I quote parts of it all the time and nobody ever knows what I'm talking about.

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slingstone 10 points a year ago

If this happened, this right here is the kind of commitment to the bit that I want to strive to match.

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RaivoKulli 8 points a year ago

This is some obnoxiously fake quirky shit

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desmosthenes 4 points a year ago

now thatโ€™s THE play

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hark 4 points a year ago

That man's name? Albert Einstein.

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Yukily 4 points a year ago

I really love this !

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Echolynx 3 points a year ago

That guy might be face blind.

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fritobugger2017 3 points a year ago

Some fun AM entertainment

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billwashere 2 points a year ago

I havenโ€™t laughed this hard in a whileโ€ฆ damn ๐Ÿคฃ

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