French hospital treats man with shell up his rectum

8 months ago by slothrop to c/nottheonion

A hospital in Toulouse, southwest France, confirmed Sunday they had treated a man who was admitted with a shell lodged in his rectum -- after calling a bomb disposal team.

MantisToboggon 44 points 8 months ago

Is that how the three seashells work?😐

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Gsus4 14 points 8 months ago

I think he tried too hard...

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Ilovethebomb 32 points 8 months ago

Ohhh, THAT type of shell.

I respect the man for not lying about it, at least.

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tal 10 points 8 months ago

I think that if you show up at the hospital with a shell vanished up your rear, probably one way or another they're gonna figure out that there's a shell up there.

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wreckedcarzz 5 points 8 months ago

But what if you use the cli?

I'll be here all week

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hellfire103 28 points 8 months ago

A similar story from 2021: https://www.businessinsider.com/...

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EpicMuch 18 points 8 months ago

This is not how anyone ever wants to show up on the news, let alone internationally

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riskable 15 points 8 months ago

Everyone that said they "dropped a bomb in the toilet" is just a poser. This guy is the real deal.

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YiddishMcSquidish 3 points 8 months ago

Don't nobody go in there for 704 million to 1.4 billion years.

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Bot 15 points 8 months ago

Clam Lives Matter?

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TheBat 17 points 8 months ago

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Bot 8 points 8 months ago

Holly shit!

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YiddishMcSquidish 9 points 8 months ago

Only if it's blessed by a priest before rapid distribution, otherwise it's just sparkling feces.

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Bot 5 points 8 months ago

That’s mighty Catholic

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Agent641 4 points 8 months ago

I was on the edge of my seat, wondering, Sea, clam, snail, tortoise, coconut, or secure.

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blimthepixie 13 points 8 months ago

He probably thought he had nothing Toulouse trying that

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Dremor 4 points 8 months ago

And wanted to do something Nice to himself.

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blimthepixie 1 point 8 months ago

I doubt he was compus mentus, he probably had a few Alés in him

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Thedogdrinkscoffee 11 points 8 months ago

I'm disapointed they didn't mention the calibre. Was it a 50BMG cartridge? A 12.7mm machine gun shell or a 155mm artillery shell?

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aramis87 9 points 8 months ago

The team in the operating room found themselves having to extract a “collectible shell nearly 20 centimetres long” (nearly eight inches).

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Thedogdrinkscoffee 7 points 8 months ago

Everyone knows it's a myth that length is important. Women of discerning taste and frenchmen of questionable apetites need girth! ;)

What's the diameter?

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davidagain 4 points 8 months ago

"Everything's a dildo if you're horny/brave enough." - man.

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YiddishMcSquidish 2 points 8 months ago

That Mario Lemieux sure had a way with words.

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davidagain 1 point 8 months ago

He did?

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eestileib 3 points 8 months ago

Oh it's not part of the Iron Harvest, this guy was using a dud on himself, meh.

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fibojoly 10 points 8 months ago

Was reading about this on local news yesterday and it's already here?! Poor lad... Even with our stringent laws regarding patient confidentiality, it's gonna be hard to live it down.

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GreenKnight23 8 points 8 months ago

almost as hard as living with unexploded ordinance stuffed in your rectum.

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fibojoly 3 points 8 months ago

On the plus side, he won't have to literally pay for it for the rest of his natural life. I wonder how much that would cost, in the US.

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GreenKnight23 2 points 8 months ago

the same amount it would cost when an unexploded ordinance explodes in your rectum.

an arm and a leg.

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Fuckfuckmyfuckingass 9 points 8 months ago

Rectum, hell it killed 'em!

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moondoggie 8 points 8 months ago

“I slipped in the shower and fell on it.”

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miss_demeanour 8 points 8 months ago

Why would they use a shell in his rectum instead of a colonoscope?

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XTL 1 point 8 months ago

Treatment is different in France.

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djmikeale 7 points 8 months ago

Wow he must have felt quite BASHful getting that procedure done

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slothrop 6 points 8 months ago

He was Bourne Again!

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djmikeale 4 points 8 months ago

ZSHit that sounds insane

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slothrop 4 points 8 months ago

Should have ctrl+d exit.

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raman_klogius 5 points 8 months ago

My guy is definitely shellshocked after this.

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foggy 3 points 8 months ago

Why do I know this?

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QuentinCallaghan 3 points 8 months ago

Damn you were fast, I was about to post about this!

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Godric 2 points 8 months ago

Here I was ready with a 1000 mollusk jokes, but I'll clam up as it's not that type of shell.

His gas has to be deadly, did he bomb the toilet before going to the hospital? At least he's OK and the doctors now have Somme more war stories to tell about this guy.

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Lushed_Lungfish 2 points 8 months ago

Situation was a bit HEATed, I would venture...

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sturger 2 points 8 months ago

This isn’t even the first time someone went to the hospital with an explosive round stuck in their asshole.

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