I was viciously transed against my will by TotallyNotJessica's memes.

I actually just let myself try being the slightest bit femme "just to see how I'd feel" and it felt so good it shattered my whole conception of myself.

It was when Madeline from celeste taught me how to dash twice

I spent my life thinking I should have been a girl/woman. One day I realised I was.

Of course, it was a bit more of a journey than that makes it sound, but that's the gist of it

When I worked in retail some customers would approach me from the back to ask me something and because I have long hair they would call me "moça" (miss or lady in portuguese) before seeing my face. It made me feel a sparkle inside me and I started questioning myself.

Actual trans knowledge: About 7 or 8 years ago I found an egg discord and hung out there learning until I was sure I had the right answer.

Earliest major clue: Saw Beetlejuice when I was 6 and really wanted to try on the red dress Lydia wears at the climax of the film. That night while I was lying in bed, moonlight falling through lacy curtains cast a shadow on my arm that looked like a long black lace glove, and I was absolutely fascinated by it.

I'm a child of moonshadow.

I remember as a child wanting to dress as a girl. This was met with violent rejection by my family for the most part. I learned quickly as my personality was forming that parts of it were dangerous and scary, and to never show those parts. As I grew media showed me that Trans people were at best mentally ill, but most often paraded as sick, dangerous freaks. I felt like girls were more interesting, but I was just a boy.

I identified as male most of my life, but I resented it. Men just dont look good, arent interesting to look at, so what's the point of nice clothes? Male spaces are toxic, sports are boring, but of course im a guy so im not allowed in the girl spaces I wish I could be in. When I was a teenager I discovered anime, specifically ranma 1/2, and holy shit did i wish I could just turn into a girl. Still a guy though.

Everything developed into fetishism, because I learned that what I was feeling and doing was perverted. And the only spaces where it was expressed was through kinky spaces. I got lucky in that I found a long-term relationship that allowed me to express myself, and explore the feminine part of me. But I was still a guy.

As an adult I was vaguely dissatisfied with things. I was in a great relationship, still am. But I hated playing, dressing up or whatever because I would always have to put it away to go out into the real world. I remember my spouse once asked me how I felt during a scene, am I a boy or a girl in the moment? and I was annoyed because the thought I had was that im a girl, always a girl. Still didnt get it.

One day im driving along having a conversation with myself as I do when im driving. It was a conversation I've had many times wondering about certain quirks of my creative process. But this time a little subconcious voice popped into my head to answer. It said "maybe you do that because its the only time you can ever feel entirely like a girl." And i said, "what?" And my subconscious said, "okay bye!" As thousands of connections hit all at once in my brain.

Now I know, but im terrified of it. Im middle aged, and my whole life Trans people were freaks. Thats obviously wrong, but I chose the worst time to figure it out. Because the country i live in has decided to use Trans kids as a bludgeom of what's wrong with society. Im trying to live more authentically but I feel isolated. Therapy is helping, and I recommend it if you can get access to help. But I have a lifetime of toxicity to unravel.

I microdosed some LSD while home alone one night and decided I needed to shave my face. Looked in the mirror once I was done and thought “oh wow, she looks nice :)” and then proceeded to softlock myself for 5 minutes

Called a friend who is also trans immediately after at like 2AM in a panic and she helped talk me through my thoughts and feelings, and within a couple weeks I managed to accept it

Anyway, several years later and now we’re dating and live together and very very gay :3

My last ever girlfriend asked me, after we had broken up, Do you think you are a girl? I said yes. I had convinced myself that for years I had this shameful fetish. That liking feminine things and clothes and such was some perversion. Once the lightbulb came on, I started looking at all of these “shameful” things I had done. Things from my childhood actually made sense.

I’ve lost a lot by being the real me, but I’d still do it again.

A woman in customer service over the phone a few years ago called me ma'am and i didn't correct her. The whole conversation i kept thinking omg omg i like this alot.

It took me a good year and a half to figure out why that phone call made me happy.

I am incredibly glad that i gave myself the space and confidence to discover who i have always been and to take action to affirm my true self.

I went to college and met a transfem enby, making me realize just how cool trans people were and how much affinity I had for them. I then explored trans spaces on Reddit for a couple years, finally feeling like I found my people even though I didn't think of myself as one of them.

Then I found egg_irl, and my goodness did it scare me. Being around out and proud trans people was fun, but the serious notion that I could be one of them was so terrifying that I avoided it like the plague. It felt like discovering an infohazard that was bad for me in some way. However, I just couldn't keep myself from coming back; like I couldn't look away; like some supernatural force was calling to me.

The biggest reason for my doubt was that I never once consciously wanted to be another gender growing up. I only knew that I was miserable, and while I wanted to want to be a girl, I didn't have enough experience to know I wanted to be a girl. What I was able to accept was that I hated being a man, as I did have reference for what that was like.

After finally getting more comfortable with the idea of being trans, I finally decided to try identifying as nonbinary. The few people I did tell helped me confirm that I was not cis, as I was really happy when they didn't treat me as a man. However, it was only when I experimented with femininity that my eyes were opened to what I really wanted. While I got to crossplay in videogames before, feeling like a woman in irl social situations just felt undeniably right, even moreso than not being a man.

Having actual experience that was impossible to ignore eventually tore through all the doubt and fears. The shell was finally obliterated when I imagined being a mom in depth and realized that it made me more happy than any future I imagined for myself as a man. Not only was my perspective on having kids completely rewritten, I finally graduated from denial to the closet.

rosado from fire emblem engage made me start dressing feminine then I realized that I like being a girl more than being a femboy so that week long stint was gone already

i deffo knew as a child and just didn’t have the words for it. and then being raised in a conservative area, i was hilariously malinformed about anything remotely queer.

i was probably late teens/early 20s when i finally started breaking down all the internalized shame bullshit. the catalyst was just talking to queer folk and going “o fuck it’s me”

community is really important.

when my roomies married i was giga stressed to find an outfit, that i liked. i didn't. i was super weirded out by the suit-or-dress-situation. i was upset, that i did not feel comfy around my friends, at all. a day after the party it all fell a part i did not try to explain, why i wouldnt wear a dress, but think about that i'd like to ... then i decided hrt. this whole night felt like i had a revelation. there was no reasoning, no recognising; there was just an unknown self making itself heared for the first time.

When browsing imgur the trans timelines from Reddit kept coming up. I eventually noticed I was feeling jealous of those women, and it occurred to me that probably said something.

I spent a lot of my life not really liking my body and feeling ambivalent about relationships and love nothing really did anything for me.

While i was working graveyard shift at a retirement home i was helping one of my residents get to bed and she pulled me aside she brought back plastic beads for all the caregivers, she put them on me tilted her head and said wow that's beautiful.

It was like getting hit by a truck i had to leave i was so flustered it felt like my face was melting and my heart wouldn't stop racing.

It took a lot after that for me to realize the full extent and getting on meds for diabetes helped a lot with other stuff that had been missed but i still think about that simple compliment.

Lived for like 18 years thinking it was just a "fetish" and it will eventually stop. Meanwhile I was increasingly depressed of the fact that I wasn't born a girl but also "surely is an obsession I can't control" to the point that in retrospective doesn't make a lot of sense. Let's say trans people aren't well perceived here (or represented) so, internalized transphobia did it's part too. Was due an MLP Fanfic that I had to confront myself and it took me like another two or three years of internal conflict to accept that, in fact, if my three genie wished are "being born a girl" and the button press between "a billion" and "being a girl" were always the same and indeed it was not a very cis thing think, then I might be trans.

Now I'm utterly afraid of the process of HRT, its outcome (not passing) and the immediate social, physical and mental danger it poses nowadays.

But at least I know the root of all my anxiety, depression, and what later on learnt was called "dysphoria".

Last year of highschool, I was getting heartbroken over a crush on this girl I haven't had the guts to talk to for 4 years. Suddenly I starting thinking about being a girl kinda out of nowhere and I just went with it right away. Took a few years till I finally got to start hrt and transition.

i figured it out that i wasn't happy with my gender in middle school, but i also didn't really have the words for it, plus the stigma and family pressure was such that at the time that i decided to just repress and focus on studies/career. it didn't help that the environment in both the college i went to and the career i picked trended towards the conservative and misogynistic.

i survived mentally via escapism, playing female characters in stuff like wow helped a lot. after graduating, moving to a new city, and working for like a decade i finally started to realize how depressed i was and started transition.

by that time i had got more involved with my local anarchists and i was good friends with a really cool trans woman that i met through organizing and she really helped pull me out of denial.

i never really trusted the medical system and would never be particularly honest with doctors, especially male ones. eventually my comrade pointed out that i could just walk into a clinic and get a prescription with informed consent, so i did! it only took me like 20 years.

When I was young I would play make believe games and stuff with friends, probably common. Less common was that at some point when I was pretty young I started playing a female character. Every time. And I would always choose women in video games. I started wishing I could be a woman. Would wish on shooting stars, or when I blew out birthday candles to be a woman. Clearly that was what everyone did though, nbd (I’m dumb). 20 years later with failing mental health I had a break and just couldn’t take it.

Something that helped was that by this point, I had learned more, knew what being trans was, there were more role models or at least some visibility, and I finally stopped repressing and started my own journey.

I was 36 and saw a random Discord message talking about how they "were male due to momentum" and said to myself "hey that's me!" By the time I had finished that thought I was ready to slam my head through my door, how could I have been so blind? So within a week I had checked the info I needed and ordered gel and started my journey. It's been a few years now and I'm happier and healthier than ever, really just wish I had started earlier, but oh well.

Figured it out back in the 90's and went into denial while I lived in envy of trans women for another 20 years.

I had been on a bit of a journey of self discovery the couple years before. I started therapy, got diagnosed with ADHD, started meds, accepted I'm bi, found out I have autism, just a bunch of stuff. I think I always knew I wanted to be a girl, but I never connected that with being trans, partly out of ignorance and partly I think I just didn't believe I could ever be truly happy with myself. So before my egg cracked I knew there was some gender stuff going on just not what exactly.

Anyway one day my ex and I decided to do some acid together, and after like an hour it just hit me all at once that I'm a woman. Like a real live lightbulb moment, one second I believe I'm a man and the next I realize I'm actually a woman. I had never felt so feminine before in my life. It was just so obvious that I was a woman inside and had been doing this ridiculous man impression my whole life, I couldn't deny it anymore. I feel kinda lucky I got to have such a clean moment of clarity. In handsight I would have figured it out eventually, but it was nice to be slapped in the face and handed the truth on a silver platter for once in my life.

It took almost a year after that to finally get on hormones, for several stupid reasons and several reasonable but annoying reasons, but now I am and I've literally never been happier with myself than I am now.

erotador called me a girl about a year ago while responding to one of my posts here. It was the first time I'd ever been gendered correctly on purpose. I think I was pretty sure by then, but the euphoria it gave me made it impossible to deny.

I know that isn't the full answer to the question, I just remembered that moment and I'm feeling so damn grateful rn

i think some transfem or femboy people/charecters made me realize that i would much brefer to be feminin, and breadtube made me realize that gender is bs and honestly i am better off without it :3

I had biochemical dysphoria, but not so much physical or societal dysphoria. So I thought I was just really depressed and angry, but there were enough other signs that I decided to take a closer look. I decided to go ahead and take estrogen and I got my confirmation after a couple of weeks of that when I just stopped being depressed and angry.

I could easily have spent the rest of my life not connecting the dots, if it weren't for the trans community on Lemmy. I would often come across the egg irl memes and eventually it just clicked.

Not trans, just think ya'll are neat and funny and such, fun to derp around with.

There were very small hints in my childhood and middle & high school, but the first real crack didn't happen until my 3rd year in college.
I finished a round of beer pong at a party. I was taking a sip of the purple drank when shaking hands with the opponent. They shook harder than anticipated and I spilt it on my white shirt. A lady friend saw the spill and offered me her black, long sleeve, form fitting shirt. I accepted.
I proceeded to receive several compliments from others at the party which I wasn't expecting, but it made me feel good. I eventually went home in that shirt (I returned it to her later that week) and when I looked in the mirror I finally saw why I was getting all of those compliments. And I agreed with them.
I then slowly experimented with more fem clothing over the years (I was in a very conservative family and town which severely hampered my progress) and the more fem I went the happier I felt about myself. Before when I'd look in the mirror as a guy I'd just think, "That's me." Nothing negative, but nothing positive. But with fem clothing I actually felt happy with what I saw staring back at me.
I didn't really see myself as trans yet; more a non binary/gender fluid. It wasn't until I finally tried E and saw what it did for me that I finally realized and accepted that I'm trans. And now I really like looking at myself in the mirror and get happy at what I see looking back at me.
I still use they/them, but I'm sure I'll eventually switch to she/her. I also won't stop anyone from using she/her when referring to me.

I watched too much f1nn5ter and Vlad LOL

Had a feeling I related more to girls at school, at some undefined level.

Then when I was 16 I panicked while playing as Zoey in Left 4 Dead because I realized I should have been a girl, but I wasnt and I didnt know what trans meant so I threw those feelings back into the box of things to ignore.

Then 10 years later I found r/egg_irl, yay!

I fell in love with a trans girl while presenting as a female character on the Internet. She knew who I was and I said "I'm just exploring things, I'm totally different". I was not different and that started some serious soul searching with everything from religion to family to gender

I spent years on reddit enjoying trans memes and laughing wryly at how weird it was that I checked so many transfem stereotype boxes despite not being trans. Silly shit like New Vegas & 4X games, music&etc. But I never had any obvious "wrong body" experiences as a kid, life sorta went to shit in a variety of ways for me right around puberty but I just assumed that was how growing up felt, so the possibility that I might actually be anything other than a boy never occured to me. ADHD/autism so I always took shit literally and at face value, everyone said I'm a boy so I must just be some sort of weird boy with problems. Decades of psychedelics and having friends and acquaintances who transitioned, no lightbulb moment. It didn't even begin to click til I read the gender dysphoria bible, specifically the section about biochemical dysphoria. It accurately described my experiences and gave me a reason to suspect that I might not have to spend the rest of my life that way. I started HRT less than a month later, felt better than I had in my entire adult life almost immediately and haven't looked back.

Well, I became obsessed with yuri fan art and felt sad I could never be in a sapphic relationship, which somehow wasn't enough to realize.

Then I cried when watching a video of a male YouTuber coming out as gay and couldn't figure out why.

Then PhilosophyTube (before they came out as trans) explained what being transgender was with clam chowder.

And finally that PhilosophyTube video led me to Contrapoints which was the final nail in the coffin.

It's weird, it's not like I never heard of the concept of trans people before, but it just felt like any attempt I made to explore those feelings were immediately suppressed by my brain until it was presented in video essay format.

through the last of my high school years I just began to feel like shit, very depressed. couldn't put a reason to why or how, so I never got help for it. my thoughts became dangerous but I couldn't just... leave I had people that needed me and loved me too much for that. but still... it never changed the fact that I felt like I was living in third person.

traditional "guy" friendships were ones I never understood. I always had an easier time talking with girls my age, and especially when I clarified that I was aroace. I'm lucky that barrier could be broken from the get-go, but I still didn't feel complete.

in the mirror, I never saw a person that I actually loved. no matter what I wore or how I styled my facial/head hair, I was always doing it for someone else. I was trying to emulate what should've looked good, not what made me feel good.

seeing the hatred around trans people sprouting up around the U.S., I never understood it. my logic was, if they aren't hurting anyone, why is it an issue? and also being glad I wasn't being subjected to that hate. still... seeing other MTFs... no. that can't be me. I wouldn't even look good as a girl. I already look too masc. where would I start? that would uproot everything in my life. there's too much to lose...

I put up a good (bad?) fight. I suppressed those thoughts for nearly three years. nonetheless, two months after I turned 18, I was up far too late in the night and I tried on some different clothes. from there, it all came crashing down.

and now here I am. shaky, but sure of myself.

:3

From my earliest memories I always wanted to be 'cute', to the point that by 8 or so I was falling asleep trying to squish my head in my hands to stop me growing more masculine/'not cute' in my child-like mind.

By 15 there was global news about a trans girl in Germany wanting to go on blockers and it was this huge ordeal as she was 'so young' etc. I remember wishing I could've done that. I found out that it was near impossible to ever do in my country and required lots of therapy and you needed approval etc. I knew I'd never get too so I gave up on the thought.

By 17 I started ordering womens clothes on ebay and sneaking them into my room. Totally cis though!

I eventually gave up on it all because it could never happen and I just looked more and more masculine as I aged.

At 37 I met an enby kid in the daycare I worked at, I was so inspired that a little 3 year old was living their truth, and I soon discovered you could do informed consent. I realised I was trans and everything in my life 'clicked', such as my lifelong wish to be a lesbian. I'm on HRT now and happier than ever.

I don't really have much to say here because i don't like the term "woman" for myself ... it feels totally wrong that there are such categories as "men" and "women" in the first place. It's like a whole artificial divide for no fucking reason. People are just fucking dumb. (No insult to you or anything, just a general vent)

Anyways, i think of people more as a "feature vector" and the things that are important to me are efficiency, not being bold/arrogant, and most importantly not being a fucking huge asshole.

Since "men" in today's society is mostly defined as "somebody who is being an asshole intentionally for no fucking reason", well, that's not what i identify as.

The cis urge to get addicted to trans memes™!

Was talking with a classmate and we were discussing sexuality, especially mine. We came to the conclusion that I am pansexual. Then she asked me a question about gender and that's when it all crashed. Now I'm slowly but surely transitioning.

There... were signs... always were;

Then, had to learn there is such an option in general, such transition thingy exist, what does it means... (side quest: learn the queer word)

Then had to learn I may want it...

Then, had to learn I had the signs and what does that mean...

Then, had to learn, my place of living is not so friendly...

Then, had to learn, ppl don't care shitty, unfriendly place, and still are brave and proud...

Then, had to learn, I may be brave and proud one day...

Then, had to learn a ways how to achieve it, then re-learn, coz much stuff were outdated, as we live quite fast, and things changes, yet system is still much unfriendly...

Finally, had to learn proper and actual way of doing it... (for my place, it may be about going right E/T doc, ask what the E/T provider require to provide a receipt, as may be nothing, or may be dramas, insults or simply scam, maybe get request to go to one of many possible written documents from another doc, some kind of mind doc, one of few possibilities)...

Still have to learn how to pass some downs after hitting walls, many walls, it's weekend today, the next step place is off today, but tomorrow... tomorrow will be the day,,,

Hmmm.

I thought originally it was just a kink. I don't know I've always wanted to be the woman in all the adult content I consumed. Then there was something about transformation...(even being force-fem)

My brain couldn't understand the signs. I lived depressed without being able to put words on it. I had some dysphoria early on my teenage years. I thought it was only about my weight and image problems. Today I know it was more than that.

Somehow I don't know how I ended up watching some trans timeline and posts and meme. I felt like it talked to me on some levels but didn't feel like I was trans. Something about legitimity. I saw a lot of people with dysphoria and I was like "yeah, I can't be anyway I don't feel dysphoria like them". It wasn't "strong" enough. Also a part of me wasn't probably confortable being labeled trans I guess? (Like I would have loved a perfect change. I feel so stupid having these thoughts. Especially because I would feel that about myself but not others)

Then there a night I remember like 2 years ago where I cried through the night about never being able to become a girl (internal transphobia was there too yay!). I was living for my couple at the time and lost myself (that with anhedonia). My stupid brain couldn't understand that I was trans.

Then my ex-wife dragged me out of the house (yeah I wouldn't go out by myself most of the time) and we went to see a drag show for halloween.

I don't know how exactly but I realised that night that I was trans. The fact that everyone was someone else that day, the drag show, I understood that day that I was not alone, that where I lived there wasa community with queer people. That maybe I could be accepted somehow.

2 Months later a lots of reading about transitioning, transidentity (deconstructing my views too, reading more about lgbtqia+ fights and values. I wasn't completely oblivious to that before but it strengthened my views and values.). I started HRT.

I wish I understood all that in my teenage years or even in my 20s. At least I'm happier now and started to take care of myself.

Have been feeling envious of girls ever since I hit puberty. Hated my facial and body hair. Didn't know what to do with these feelings so I just pushed them down and ignored them. Learned to kind of live with them and forgot about it for a while. Played female characters in video games and ttrpgs to relieve some of the disphoria. But the thoughts and feelings didn't go away, in fact they got 'worse'. Felt a strange kinship with trans people and lesbians. Eventually I admitted to myself that I'm not a man but didn't give it more thought. "Maybe I'm just non-binary." At this point I already knew I was trans deep down but I didn't let myself know. I lived in denial for 3 more years. Then about a month ago all the resistance I put up finally broke down under the weight and I accepted myself as trans. I'm almost 25 now.

It's so good to finally be able to be honest with myself and let these feelings flow without guilt. Now I'm slowly trying to figure out what to do next. I'm super grateful to have a supportive girlfriend and an amazing queer friend group.

Love to all of my trans siblings out there! <3