A friend transitioned and it changed my life

4 days ago by dejected_warp_core to c/trans

TL;DR: it's important to be the best you that you can possibly be. Your journey may also help inspire others to do the same.

I recently learned that an old friend, whom I hadn't seen in a very long time, transitioned. Flawlessly. Passing. Confident. Content. They were a pretty boy before and a pretty girl now. I was, and still am, in awe of this change. But past the cosmetic side of this transition I was suddenly struck by everything else that went into it. Suddenly, my friend's looks took a back seat as I started to feel something else unexpected: inspiration.^1^

I didn't expect that kind of a personal impact, but I sat with it a while and watched my entire outlook zero-in on a very important question. The way I see it, this person took up the ultimate gnostic quest and challenged some very serious things about their life and identity. In the end, they arrived where they wanted to, rather than where they were expected to be. I've since learned more about what this really takes for a person and, frankly, it's clearly hard as fuck for a whole host of reasons. So, that caused me to reflect on my own life and choices. After all, if she put everything on the table and chose to fix what wasn't working, what choices should I be making?

In the year-plus that has passed I have taken efforts to reflect and double-check things. What assumptions are in play for my lifestyle and life trajectory? Am I taking myself for granted or do I have deeper questions, doubts, orientations, and biases that need exploration? What am I doing automatically versus what am I actively choosing to do? Am I being passive when life throws options at me? This whole new way of viewing things has caused me to make radical decisions for the better - something I wouldn't have done before.

So, yeah. You don't have to be a pro athelete, or some STEM wizard to be an inspiration. Just do your level best at being the best you that you can be.

Okay, I caught feelings too, which opened up a whole other level of self-understanding. Especially in retrospect from before the transition. This is a good thing.

Nikki 13 points 4 days ago

this is a great post, and really shows what it takes to be your true self in any context

also that footnote is a mood I caught feelings on a high school friend I hadn't seen in years that transitioned in that time. together for over a year now and I absolutely wanna spend my life with her. go for it :)

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dejected_warp_core 1 point 4 days ago

Thanks. That's the kind of encouragement I need right now.

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Vibi 5 points 4 days ago

Something I often think about is how gaining perspective is one of the most powerful and influential aspects of being a human! We can find it through experiences, meeting new people, or losing people, safety, privilege, or any other number of things. It can take us deep into ourselves to reevaluate our values, identity, purpose, and what's truly important to us. I also think about how we can slowly lose sight of that perspective, and it takes some other event to open our mind again. Documenting, journaling, or sharing through posts like this are such great ways to anchor ourselves to those moments in our lives, so I'm super happy you shared and had something/someone shake up your mind and cause so much introspection!

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dejected_warp_core 1 point 4 days ago

Thanks, I have a relentlessly curious personality and simply can't stop at "that's how it is." I need to understand.

Years back I went through some psych counseling and learned to put my brain in "debug mode". Sessions quickly evolved into full, raw, introspection with sound guidance. We stepped through each trauma, scratched at the roots of it, and talked through the impact those past events had on the present. Then we discussed how to handle those past echos as they color the every day. Eventually, it all became a skill.

Where that intersects with the story: I feel something new and chew on it until I understand it. And yeah, this really shook me up in a novel way.

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Estiar 3 points 4 days ago

Oh yeah, this sort of thing brought a ton of perspective towards me. A half of my own transition is simply the questioning of how things were as I lived them. Especially cuz I fell in love with the boy and being a boy at the time I wasn't allowed to do that. Come to find out I'm bisexual and I had to wrestle with the fact. I denied it for the longest time but I understood gay people after that. There were a lot of things that seemed true according to tradition, between the historical fictions of the United States, people forcing a hierarchy or specific gender or sexuality standard on other people, or whatever else. In the end, I learned how to love people for who they are rather than how society sees them.

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dejected_warp_core 1 point 4 days ago

That sounds like it was a hard route to take through all this. That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. It sounds like you're in a better place now.

In the end, I learned how to love people for who they are rather than how society sees them.

If there's one thing I've learned from my friends and this community is how important this is. Thanks for putting it so succinctly.

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neuracnu 2 points 4 days ago

You also don’t have to be pretty or pass flawlessly to be an inspiration to others.

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dejected_warp_core 1 point 4 days ago

Absolutely true. Shit, I should have made that more clear in my post. Edit: fixed.

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