How do I accurately refer to a trans person pre-transition?

a month ago by zen to c/trans

For chronological accuracy, I have been using the old name and gender when referring to a past, pre-transition person, and the new name and gender when referring to them generally.

But I had a realisation that this could be considered rude. I'd like to hear from some trans people on their opinion.

thezeesystem 32 points a month ago

Use there proper name and pronouns regardless of what they had before. Simple. There's no need to reference them before or after transitioning.

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AFKBRBChocolate 9 points a month ago

I admit I struggle with this. My son is trans and we've always supported him. The one part that's hard is when I'm talking to friends about things when he was little. It just feels so strange to say "One time he was playing with his Barbies, and..." or whatever. And, when I'm talking about something and picturing him as I say it, it's so easy to use the wrong pronoun, even when the story has no gender norms in it.

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zen 6 points a month ago

Thanks good answer. I'll do this from now on.

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loutre 19 points a month ago

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zen 7 points a month ago

I know a lot of trans people second-hand, but not first-hand. So I have not had the opportunity to ask anyone directly. A cousin of mine from Canada (the other side of the world to me) is transfem. A step-cousin-in-law is transfem, but I haven't met her yet because the step-father-in-law is anti-trans (which I have been vocal about disagreeing with him on).

Anyway, thanks. I'll take your advice on referring to them by their post-transition name and gender, even while referring to them pre-transition. Peace!

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loutre 3 points a month ago

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girlnamedzero 11 points a month ago

Just ask them, I think the more popular consensus is that you use their modern information, but I personally would actually prefer that people use my old information when talking about my younger self. So everyone has their own preference and you should check with them first

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cerebralhawks 6 points a month ago

How they prefer to be addressed. My nephew says I can call him either name or whichever pronouns because I knew him before. Haven't slipped yet! I thought I'd find it more difficult to even think of him as a boy. But it's really not. I find gender to be mostly a social construct anyway, and I default to compassion.

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zen 7 points a month ago

can call him either name or whichever pronouns because I knew him before. Haven’t slipped yet! I thought I’d find it more difficult to even think of him as a boy. But it’s really not. I find gender to be mostly a social construct anyway, and I default to compassion.

I grew up Christian and right wing, and did a lot of soul searching. Having realised gender is entirely a social construct, I realised I don't have a problem with transgender people. Why does anyone care if a people outside a category takes arbitrary traits from the other category, or even the whole category?

The Christian viewpoint only makes sense if you believe that gender is a social construct that comes from God, not something invented. Well, it's invented. Just like every concept, including our language. Including God.

And I absolutely agree with you about defaulting to compassion. Let people do what they want! Life is already hard enough.

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vonbaronhans 5 points a month ago

If you default to compassion, you'll do alright. Stay cool out there.

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zen 2 points a month ago

You too :)

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titter 4 points a month ago

Ask them!

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TheGingerNut 4 points a month ago

Depends on the trans person. I tend to degender my past self. Which is actually accurate because before I identified as a girl I didn't really identify as anything with any degree of passion so I consider my past self to be agender and use they/them pronouns for them

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CookedOmelet 2 points a month ago

My friends have been really sweet and were referring to all past events with my new name, which I was initially surprised at. I think they are probably also trying to be careful to not offend. But yea if unsure, you can just ask.

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