I loved him so much. I stayed awake when he was sick, cried when he was sad, and shared all his pain. But he eventually said we were incompatible and left me. Now I keep wondering if our breakup was my fault. If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful, or am I just blaming myself for his choices?
He was the one who proposed to me first, telling me how much he loved me, and I accepted his proposal. Everything was going smoothly. Then, after his birthday, he told me he was feeling emotionally drained and wanted to break up with me. This was the first time I pleaded and begged him to stay. The next day, he agreed to stay, and things became lovey dovey again.
The second time, he said he couldn't commit to me because of his family. I cried and begged him to stay, but eventually, I accepted the situation. After that, we took some space, and a month later, he came back and confessed his love for me again. He said he wanted to commit to me and spend his whole life with me.
After that, everything was going fine again. The third breakup happened when he said he was exhausted and was the kind of person who couldn't feel love every day. He said I was too emotional, needed reassurance, and was emotionally dependent on him. But the main reason I kept asking for reassurance was that he had already threatened to leave me twice. I was afraid he would leave again because he had already done it before.
As for emotional dependency, he was the kind of person who could spend an entire day alone without texting or calling me. Whenever we talked, i was usually the one who initiated the conversation.
The fourth breakup happened when he was talking to other girls. Everything seemed fine, but I noticed that he was becoming distant. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong, so I asked him what was going on and how he was feeling. He then told me he wanted to break up because I seemed like AI, we lived far away from each other, and he needed an emotional connection. He wanted a girl he could hug and someone who could be physically closer to him.
I asked him if he was talking to someone else or wanted to date someone who lived closer to him. I told him that if that was the case, he could be honest with me.
Then I remembered something he had once told me that whenever he wanted to leave, he would come back to me like a boomerang. He had also told me that I didn't have an ego, that I always tried to stop him from leaving because I was a good person, and that he loved me.
So, once again, I tried to stop him from leaving. The next day, he agreed to stay, and he sent me another lovey dovey message. He said he saw a future with me, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and wanted to become a better person for me. He even called me his emotional anchor and said I had brought him out of darkness. He said I was the kind of girl he could see himself spending his life with.
Everything seemed fine again. Then he came to meet me, and while scrolling through his phone, I came across his ChatGPT history. I found things that made me realise he had been exploring other girls and sexual possibilities.
When I confronted him about it, he said, Now you have a valid reason to leave me. You can leave me. He also said he no longer had any feelings for me and that he was emotionally drained.
It was the same person who, just a few minutes earlier, had been telling me that he loved me. But after I confronted him about what I had found, he suddenly said he didn't love me anymore and told me I could leave him.
I understand that I may have contributed to our relationship problems, but how am I supposed to make sense of all these things? It makes me question whether he genuinely wanted to be with me or was just keeping me around
if he felt guilty about not wanting to continue, why did he repeatedly leave me crying, begging him to stay, and unable to sleep? He was the one who told me I was his choice and that he could change his choice. Just minutes before I caught him cheating, he was talking about fighting for us, but after I confronted him, he smirked and told me to leave because now I had a “valid reason” to break up with him. He even said I was the reason for everything and that I was no longer his priority. Then, just 14 days after our breakup, he sent a gift to a girl he had a crush on a year ago on her birthday
Was our breakup my fault? If I had been less emotionally dependent and given him more space, would he have stayed and been faithful, or was I blaming myself for his choices? Another thing I found in his ChatGPT history was that he said he urgently needed s....x. He also mentioned that his friends brought girls over and that they were having fun in the room next to his, which was distracting him. What I don't understand is how someone can keep a girl emotionally attached to him by repeatedly saying he loves her and wants to spend his life with her, while apparently thinking about other girls and s....
I’m honestly struggling to make sense of everything because he did show me care and affection at times, which makes it hard for me to believe that he never loved me. But the repeated breakup threats and betrayal really hurt me.
You had five break ups.
Regardless of how you feel right now, you had five break ups.
Thank your lucky stars neither of you are wasting each other's time anymore.
When people break up multiple times, they never loved each other, they were in love with an idea. Chasing that idea will just repeat, repeat, repeat... Five times, in your case. Let's not go for any records now.
Look at it for what it is, not the idea in your head. If you can read your post with that idea removed, it'll be a lot clearer. You're in love with your idea and his potential for it, but he is not going to ever fit that idea no matter how many times he briefly seems like he does. That just means he's 10-20% of your idea.
Go find someone that fits closer to the idea you have in your head of what you're after.
Oh, and certainly understand that this is the same thing for him and he's just as unaware of it. Especially since he seems to be the most, "I miss this. No I don't." It's the same 10-20% gluing while the other 80-90% is blissfully ignored until it no longer can be. Break up, repeat...
save