While not very humorous, some of the most useful permanent items on our shared shopping list include “That spice that ran out” and “That thing I was looking for the other day”. They’ve saved the day a few times over ten or so years.

1 flux capacitor
2 positrons
1 hug
1 thingamajig
3 liters of blinker fluid
one simple manual excavator
1 mol of oxygen
1 µg of unobtanium
1 grimoir for casting spells 
1 ring to rule them all
50 melons for grade school math problem

1 left sock

And much further down the list

1 right sock

fertilizer
gas
nails
cable
egg timer
pressure cooker
sunglasses
wig

And your partner will be soon on a list too.

I honestly pop in ‘yo butt’ into our shared shopping list and it usually gets an eye roll.

Male: condoms, canteloupe, watermelon, Vaseline Female:condoms, squash, cucumber, carrots,

Deez nuts

Edit: Which I recently found is a real brand of nuts. Dee's Nutz, I believe. So be careful or you may just end up with some unexpected, delicious peanuts to snack on.

Amazing present for insert your own name here

I occasionally put "magic beans" on there :-)

Po-

Tay-

Toes

My partner does this already. The number of times I've found "tush squish" is... I've lost track.

I got him back by adding chicken hats to his online cart.

1000 bottles of baby oil

Fancy Napkins!

live bees

Peace of mind

Staple gun

Band-aids

One: breastplate stretcher.

Pet supplies for animals you don't have. Things that don't exist but sound like things you might find at a grocery store, like pot slippers from the kitchen utensils, vegan mangos, aged vermhölsterdoif cheese, or barkley salt. Rare spices the stores your partner shops at do not sell. I get a kick out of being macabre so long pork, stray child. Ingredients your partner hates. Confusing typos.

Kefir

300kg of Plutonium

magic beans

This should be its own form of joke, like the Aristocrats. Come up with the wierdest most depraved shopping list(s)