It sounds like potential guards have to have combat experience or significant police experience. So it's probably not something the average person is going to be able to do.

OTOH, a single bodyguard mercing their protectee would nuke the whole company, which would be pretty funny.

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Aqarius 10 points 2 years ago

Please God it would be so fucking funny

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tyrant 81 points 2 years ago

There's no way this could backfire

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sunzu2 39 points 2 years ago

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tyrant 23 points 2 years ago

Sounds like they thought of everything

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gravitas_deficiency 10 points 2 years ago

Luigi has entered the chat

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sunzu2 10 points 2 years ago

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Captainautism 10 points 2 years ago

Gang for hire.

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Star 78 points 2 years ago

This is some cyberpunk shit.

Luigi save us

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Zorque 15 points 2 years ago

Their response wasn't to fix the problem, it was to find a better way to subjugate people. Clearly his methods aren't the solution. They're just an easy way to pass the problem off to someone else without you having to put in the effort to help fix it yourself.

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Star 7 points 2 years ago

Then they haven't had enough.

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chonglibloodsport 13 points 2 years ago

Luigi could’ve passed the screening check to become the guy’s bodyguard. Maybe he even would’ve had a better opportunity to escape.

Many, many ruthless tyrants and other nasty people have been killed by their own bodyguards over the years. And these are often guards who have been properly vetted.

How vetted are these Uber rentacops gonna be? No criminal record doesn’t mean you can trust the person if you’re some ruthless bastard with a lot of enemies.

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schizo 63 points 2 years ago

For what they're charging, you're not going to get elite private security, you're going to get mall cops on their day off.

This is not for the actual rich, it's for tiktok influencers to show off.

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runjun 48 points 2 years ago

Seems like an easy way to get close to a target.

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Agent641 19 points 2 years ago

"Yes hello I am your security detail, don't worry I brought exactly enough bullets."

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apfelwoiSchoppen 35 points 2 years ago

Gig economy security guards. What the utter fuck. Doesn't sound at all like brownshirts in the making.

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Arbiter 14 points 2 years ago

Gig economy does not inspire loyalty lmao

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HowAbt2morrow 34 points 2 years ago

You’ve got no choice but to give them 5 stars or your cruisin for a bruisin

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Donjuanme 22 points 2 years ago

That was my thought, nobody in their right mind (least of all paranoid rich people) would use a third party service that requires them to announce they're someone of value.

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rc__buggy 19 points 2 years ago

This is only going to be used by poseurs.

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bobs_monkey 12 points 2 years ago

Or the delusional. Anyone with a serious security concern has mitigation plans in place. This is for people who think they need security because reasons, mainly to satiate their ego.

I remember right after the UHC assassination I was in getting a haircut, and there was another guy getting cut that was loudly spouting off about how he was afraid for his life because he's a CEO. Like dude, you're a CEO of a small local financial services firm, not the CEO of a massive conglomerate. I'm technically the CEO of my small contracting company that's incorporated. We are not targets (unless you're a massive prick, which by the way he was talking was quite possible), but if one of us got popped it wouldn't make the news, nor are we likely to be targeted, calm down lol.

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KeenFlame 34 points 2 years ago

Ah. So civilian mercs can be bought by corpos for a raid at a moments notice. Great. What's the patchnotes for the resistance movement again? Oh yeah. Removed the ability to communicate cryptographically. Our only tool. Thanks devs

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AutistoMephisto 11 points 2 years ago

Removed the ability to communicate cryptographically. Our only tool.

Not entirely. The old methods still work. I'm talking about old fashioned pen and paper. OTP ciphers and dead drops. Messages, hidden where only the intended recipient knows it's there. The problem is, there's no dead drops in cyberspace. There's no place one can leave a hidden message that can't be seen by others in cyberspace. And while quantum computing might break OTP, it's too expensive to use for that purpose.

There's a certain artistry to the old ways. Invisible inks, dead drops, One-Time-Pads, and the like. Cryptography existed long before computers. Those who would be our rulers have bent so much of their energies towards preventing our communicating in cyberspace that they've neglected those of us who studied the pre-Information Age methods. And we can still use them. A guy walks by a trash can, and throws away a seemingly innocuous food wrapper, and a couple hours later another guy goes and collects it, knowing that there is a message written on it in ink that can be revealed with the use of heat and lemon juice. If their intent is to return the USA to the "good ole days", then let's use the spy tricks from the "good ole days".

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rivan 4 points 2 years ago

What's old is new again

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echodot 2 points 2 years ago

I've always been a fan of book ciphers, but they're probably really annoying to actually use.

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KingThrillgore 21 points 2 years ago

Imagine how funny it will be when someone red teams the endpoints and get all their client's active locations in a JSON

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echodot 3 points 2 years ago

Buy a few drones and you could automate the assassination process for maximum efficiency.

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Lost_My_Mind 20 points 2 years ago

Ha ha ha, another quality zinger from The Onion!

........wait, this shit's real???

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x00z 18 points 2 years ago

Lmao they mimic the camera footage of the CEO murder for their promotional image.

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Duamerthrax 20 points 2 years ago

Brian would be proud to know he's still bringing market value to someone.

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SocialMediaRefugee 6 points 2 years ago

How to start a security business.

Get someone killed
Create a business that addresses #1

How's THAT for conspiracy thinking!? :D

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echodot 1 point 2 years ago

It's called a viral marketing

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Hackworth 17 points 2 years ago

Going for a shadow run to the grocery store. Don't forget to pick up a decker to bypass the ice.

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jacecomix 16 points 2 years ago

Interested in seeing how well the armed guard equivalent of "the Uber Eats driver who eats your food instead of delivering it" works out for them.

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Olgratin_Magmatoe 10 points 2 years ago

Background checks can't catch everyone.

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KingThrillgore 5 points 2 years ago

Look at G4S' track record, for example

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echodot 3 points 2 years ago

Infamously G4S don't conduct background checks. If they did they wouldn't hire anyone because all of their employees are psychopaths.

Even when they are hired as mere security guards rather than close protection they still end up killing people.

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SocialMediaRefugee 15 points 2 years ago

The modern aristocracy must be hunted in their native habitats. They are commonly found in walled communities, exclusive islands (i.e. Martha's Vineyard), exclusive neighborhoods (i.e. Santa Monica, Beverly Hills), luxury stores (i.e. Hermes) and trendy nightclubs. Set up your hunting blind in or just outside of their habitat. Make sure to camouflage it well using native materials like designer labels, advertisements and invitations to political contribution dinners. Use a call to attract them. One that works well is "Annual bonus! Annual bonus!", "Union forming! Union forming!" or waving a golden parachute. Bait traps also work well such as a pile of designer handbags and the keys to a Bentley.

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RangerJosey 11 points 2 years ago

Venture brothers ass nonsense. 1-888-HENCH.

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NikkiDimes 10 points 2 years ago

First of all, I hate this.

But also, this is cyberpunk as fuck.

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Tarquinn2049 9 points 2 years ago

Are you worried people with guns might try to take your money? Why take chances? You should hire these people with guns who will for sure take your money.

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b161 9 points 2 years ago

They’re afraid. 🤭

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echodot 9 points 2 years ago

These people have enough money to hire private protection already, it's not the lack of an app that has stopped them from doing so up until this point. It's simply that they didn't actually believe they were in any danger from the peons.

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aceshigh 9 points 2 years ago

Sounds like admitting guilt. Those who hire the goons know they are shitty people. Living with self hate must be a bitch.

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sugar_in_your_tea 2 points 2 years ago

Eh, I don't think everyone interested in this service are necessarily bad people. There are a lot of internet celebrities that would really rather not deal with crazy fans that this would be perfect for, as in, not rich enough to have their own chauffeurs, but famous enough to make going out on your own a real pain.

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maniel 9 points 2 years ago

Trauma team

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oakey66 7 points 2 years ago

What a dystopian nightmare we live in right now. Remember when politicians told us we have choices in our healthcare? I guess it says something that insurance CEOs are so hated that they need armed body guards and we're so happy about "all our choices".

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tetris11 6 points 2 years ago

Isn't this the world plot of John Wick?

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rivan 6 points 2 years ago

In my coping with the horrors of the world, I like to think this is run by a hidden AGI to wack its ideological opponents.

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Shardikprime 0 points 2 years ago

Lol