Just had my dream job rescind the offer because I’m trans!

a year ago by andros_rex to c/goodoffmychest

Why the fuck shouldn’t I kill my self?

Seriously, give me a fucking reason.

Idk can someone help me find a teaching job in the north. They won’t call back because my address isn’t there. I applied to hundreds of Chicago and Montana and other place jobs

I’m certified to teach every core high school subject. Every single one. Math, English, history and science. Test me on any of them if you don’t believe me. I’m best at science and math but I’ll do anything anywhere

here’s a kofi I guess

Edit: I’m really touched and honored by the fact that people have sent me money. I don’t know how to be grateful enough. I feel a little bit more hopeful about the world, I’m reeling from the fact that people wanted to help. Thank you.

Zier 49 points a year ago

Why the fuck shouldn’t I kill my self?

Because that's exactly what the bigots want. There is nothing wrong with you, there never was, there is everything wrong with those sick freaks. And I am sure you have a lot to contribute to the world. Always be you, and the rest of the world can fuck off.

Don't apply to red states, especially Montana. Try Washington State, Oregon, California, Minnesota, even New Mexico if you want a smaller place to be. Your other options are the North East.

Sometimes life is just shit. Admit you are having a bad day, and you will be surprised how that acknowledgement can actually help. Tomorrow is a new start. And I do realize that no advice, no matter how well intentioned feels like it's ever going to help. But a good rest and fresh perspective can be a life changer. :)

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andros_rex 12 points a year ago

Don’t apply to red states, especially Montana. Try Washington State, Oregon, California, Minnesota, even New Mexico if you want a smaller place to be. Your other options are the North East.

They’re going to ignore my sppications unless I have an addres there.

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AngryCommieKender 6 points a year ago

For California specifically, they offer credit reciprocity, and have the Golden State Teacher Grant Program in part to assist with relocation expenses. If you really believe that you need a CA address, there are PO box services that will rent you a street address post box for around $20 a month. Get your butt out here to the best state.

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Zier 4 points a year ago

I don't know anything about teaching jobs, but I would hope there might be some that let you apply remotely. It seems like you have done a lot. I'm not sure why schools wouldn't want to attract teachers from other states.

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andros_rex 3 points a year ago

Because Oklahoma is basically useless as a state and they assume all teachers from here are garbage?

Idk I’ve put in a ton of job apps and the dividing line is being in the other state

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Zier 3 points a year ago

I'm sorry to hear that. Don't let other people's stupidity make you feel bad about yourself, that's their problem. I wish you lots of luck.

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AA5B 1 point a year ago

Massachusetts would require you to pass a set of standardized tests before your Oklahoma credentials would be accepted. But the good thing is they would be accepted once you pass the tests.

Passing the tests also helps you claim: I was already planning to move there

Many states will have some hoops to jump through before your Oklahoma credentials are accepted but perhaps jumping through them will help demonstrate both your ability and your motivation

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prole 1 point a year ago

Fuck Oklahoma. I know it's so much easier said than done, but come to California, PNW, or the Northeast.

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dingus 1 point a year ago

Do you have any sort of connections to anyone in the area that might let you use their address to apply?

My brother did this knowing a friend lived in a different state. He didn't get calls back for interviews until he put his friend's address lol. It worked!

If you don't have any friends or relatives in the state you are applying to...I wonder if you could make a connection with a trusted online individual to do so?

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AA5B 1 point a year ago

Yeah that is a tough one but you can overcome.

I know when I was looking for a job in a new area I tried to make it clear I was already planning to move there. Certainly one of the costs they’re trying to avoid is moving expenses (or I don’t know if that happens in teaching)

Trying to remember how my ex got an out of state teaching job but maybe she used my address.

In the northeast, it’s critical to get qualified first. Your out of state teaching credentials may not be sufficient. Even coming from New York into Massachusetts, my ex was required to take standardized tests to verify. Pick a state and get qualified first, so whatever is needed for your credentials to be valid in that state - that lends some truth to saying “I am already planning to move there”

Then as someone else says: expand your search. Look at non-public schools and non-teacher positions to get your foot in the door, to actually move somewhere. Familiarity and networking will get you a leg up for next year. My ex taught at a parochial school while trying to validate her out of state credentials. Private schools do not need to meet public school requirements. Of course parochial schools can also be very conservative but maybe other schools. Do you have exposure to Montessori ?

Now is the time to get your application out there, to flood the market. Schools have already hired for the year but are in a rush to fill the last few positions

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nalinna 28 points a year ago

Because you being here and making to the other side of this (and YOU WILL) makes the world better for anyone else who goes through it after you.

You CAN do this. I hope you choose to stay. I know you will change peoples' lives for the better if you do.

Please don't go.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call: 988 Available 24/7

LGBT National Coming Out Support Hotline 888-OUT-LGBT (888-688-5428)

LGBT National Help Center Youth Talkline: 800-246-7743 Senior Hotline: 888-234-7243 Monday thru Friday, 4pm to midnight ET; Saturday from noon to 5pm ET

SAGE LGBT Elder Hotline 1-877-360-LGBT (5428) Connects LGBT elders and caretakers with friendly responders who are ready to listen. Available 24/7, in English and Spanish, with translation in 180 languages.

Trans Lifeline Trans Lifeline’s Hotline is a confidential 24/7 peer support phone service run by trans people for trans and questioning people. Call us if you need someone trans to talk to, even if you’re not in crisis or if you’re not sure you’re trans. 1-877-565-8860 (United States) 1-877-330-6366 (Canada) Oprime 2 para hablar con unx operadxr en español.

Trevor Project Phone: 1-866-488-7386 Text START to 678-678 Chat online LGBTQ young people can connect to a crisis counselor 24/7/365 from anywhere in the U.S. It is 100% confidential and 100% free.

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andros_rex 19 points a year ago

Trans lifeline didn’t answer, and I’m scared of calling the other lines because last time I did I ended up in a facility where they called the police and put me in the woman’s word.

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nalinna 8 points a year ago

I'm so sorry. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone to listen to you and tell you how important you are to then. So allow me: You, andros_rex, are important to me. I mean that. Your existence makes the world better, and thus, you literally touch my life in a positive way by just being here and being you. You are very clearly a good teacher (otherwise you wouldn't have been offered a job in the first place) not to mention a good person, and I wish there were more people like you, with your skills, to have a positive impact on the world around them.

You're in the lowest low-point of your life right now. Situations always change, so it's statically impossible for you to be in this low point forever. Stick around and keep being the amazing person I'm absolutely certain you are, even if it's just out of spite... don't let those assholes win.

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1D10 17 points a year ago

Hi, I have lost 3 brothers to suicide, I have lived through my own attempts and helped my wife get the help she needed when she attempted.

So I feel I can understand where you are, to some extent. I have been in that pit where the darkness lives and twists us to think "things would be better if only we were gone"," my pain will end if I just...""there is no way my life will get better"

The world will not be better without you, and the lives you have touched will always miss you and some of them may be fighting a fight much like yours, we need you in this life, and I am so very sorry that there is so much shit,but please stay.

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andros_rex 3 points a year ago

Literally no one would give a shit if I offed myself. My own family wouldn’t care; they didn’t care when my mom sexually tortured me they don’t care niw

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1D10 1 point a year ago

I'm sorry you feel that way.

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Nougat 17 points a year ago

Turns out, not your dream job. You dodged a bullet. You don't want to work somewhere that would do that. That would be a nightmare job.

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andros_rex 7 points a year ago

I want a job because I need to eat

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themaninblack 14 points a year ago

Don’t do it before you leave OK.

There are an enormous number of different places to live. San Francisco is screaming for substitute teachers at least.

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andros_rex 2 points a year ago

How do I get there

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themaninblack 4 points a year ago

Start a gofundme for your travel and I’ll personally throw in $10.

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krawutzikaputzi 1 point a year ago

Seriously the idea with the go fund me sounds like a reasonable thing to do. I came here from your last post and was thinking about how to help. Didn't want to send money to anybody online but would chip in one go fund me. Looks like you're at a breaking point anyway, so why not just try to go somewhere trans friendly and try to get a teaching position there. Before you kill yourself why not? Doesn't seem like any family or friends are helping you out in Oklahoma. I don't know about the specifics in the USA and if you'd be worse of somewhere else because of social benefits I might not understand.

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andros_rex 2 points a year ago

so why not just try to go somewhere trans friendly and try to get a teaching position there.

I applied to something like a hundred jobs in Chicago public schools last year.

I don’t really have any familial support. I don’t have an address I can put down in state that’ll mean my application doesn’t get thrown out. I’ve tried. I’m alone. I can’t do these things by myself.

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krawutzikaputzi 1 point a year ago

Have you got an apartment you rent now? Unfortunately I don't have any idea about logistics and moving in the USA. Are there any trans friendly communities in other states which could help you out with finding a position or place to stay? Maybe post in trans communities on Lemmy if they have any ideas. I'm just brainstorming right now... But seriously what could go wrong with setting up a go fund me? You really seem to be on a breaking point and I guess everythings overwhelming right now. I just try to think about options other than killing yourself.

Sorry just realized that you put a kofi thing up there and I guess that's basically the same as a go fund me I guess :)

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mr_manager 10 points a year ago

I know it can be frustrating to receive all this advice from strangers online, who don’t know the specific challenges you’re facing, but I just want to point out that this little community sees you and cares about you.

You deserve community; you deserve to be seen and loved for who you are. I’m sorry that your birth family was too stupid and cruel to see you for who you really are, but that doesn’t mean that that love and support is denied to you forever. I’m just some random dude on the internet, but I see you and I want good things for you. I guarantee there are people around you that want that connection with you. When you’re fighting just to survive it’s incredibly difficult to find the energy to search out those connections but I promise it’s worth it. Please don’t despair.

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andros_rex 8 points a year ago

I am frustrated. I spend an entire childhood being sexually abused and gaslighted about it. I’m sick of being told that what I see isn’t real. I’m sick of being told to get over things that were never even acknowledged. I’m sick of being told things will get better when they never have. I’m exhausted. I want a mattress to sleep on. I want people to care about me.

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mr_manager 5 points a year ago

I’m not going to tell you any of that. All I’ll say to you is that I’m incredibly sorry for the trauma you’ve endured; you didn’t deserve to be treated like that, it’s not your fault, and you deserve to be loved and cared for. My heart breaks for you, and I hope so much that you can find the love and support you need. I believe that you can and you will. This world is a hard, cold place sometimes, but there is light and love in it, and I wish so much for you to find your share of it. I guarantee you that there are people in your community who will want to connect with you, if you can find the strength to keep reaching out.

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j4k3 10 points a year ago

No permanent solutions to temporary problems!

Sorry love. Things will get better, you will have better days than this. I promise.

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andros_rex 1 point a year ago

It’s not temporary. This isn’t even the first time.

I have nothing. I don’t have a family. I don’t have friends. I don’t have a stable income. I’m selling my shit to make rent. If I can’t work than I might as well die.

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j4k3 4 points a year ago

At least you still can. I have spent 11 years mostly stuck in a bed. I face homelessness when my folks die. When I have to fake being fine I physically fall apart and cannot function. I have a tiny chance to push myself with new meds but I know it will take everything out of me to try and work again. I will turn into a zombie imprisoned in a weak body that barely survived a broken neck and back. I've lost the best of my life and things will never again be as good as they are now because I am degrading faster than my age. Reach out to people any way you can.

I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and still am stuck with my witness family. I have to tread very carefully around that dogma and tribalism just to survive. I am not myself. I'm not allowed to be. It sucks, but it beats being homeless.

We are all a product of our environment. That means being adaptable to survive. I want you to survive friend. I am your friend. I have little means and less ability, but I am here and I understand hard times. Exercise is the best solution for endorphins you can access to pull yourself up. I've been where you are, selling my stuff to survive. I still made it out of that mess. Volunteer at a soup kitchen if you have the chance and free time. That will put you in contact with altruistic people, the kind that may be better friends and if nothing else it should get you a free meal while refocusing perspective.

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altphoto 10 points a year ago

Come to Washington state or California. My kid's teacher is trans and no one bats. She's not a great math teacher but that's a complete different story.

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Nomad 9 points a year ago

The world is a shitty place. Making it a better saner place is sadly fighting the bad end enduring the fight every day of your life. I'm sorry to say.

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andros_rex 7 points a year ago

I’m exhausted. I cannot endure the fight by myself. I’m exhausted

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Nomad 4 points a year ago

Find a way to recharge and protect yourself. Maybe leave the US, won't get better for a while. Canada is nice I hear.

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andros_rex 2 points a year ago

I can’t recharge. I can’t even sleep I don’t have a bed.

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Nomad 1 point a year ago

I'm so sorry. I know how bad sleeplessness gets. Hold on, it gets better with time.

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stoly 6 points a year ago

I am so sorry. You deserve to be seen and respected. You wouldn’t want to work for people who would treat you this way so it is better that this happens now rather than later. Keep at it and you’ll find your home.

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Aarrodri 4 points a year ago

What was the dream job?

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andros_rex 7 points a year ago

A good teaching position.

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Today 7 points a year ago

Teaching is really really hard right now. I'm seeing so many new teachers who are leaving positions a few weeks in. If you're really determined that it's what you want, check back in a month or try a different district. Every district around me has tons of openings. Also, if a district doesn't want you because of that, it wouldn't be a good place to work. It wouldn't be supportive of you or your kids and seeing kids be treated that way would be more soul crushing than not getting the job. Keep looking for the right fit.

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andros_rex 3 points a year ago

I live in oklabaom. Every job might as well have a sign that says “tranny removeds need not apply.” As well as every other job lollllllll

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Auth 4 points a year ago

There are plenty of places that would love to have you as a teacher, are you able to move? It seems like a waste of your skills to spend it on a place that hates you for being who you are. Could move to another state or even another country, there are plenty of visa programs for teachers right now.

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Today 1 point a year ago

Something funny - I searched Google for oklabaom and it shows this post. Google links Lemmy??

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bss03 4 points a year ago

Can you visualize a future situation in which you feel joy? That's reason enough to stick around.

I wish you weren't suffering. I'm cis, so I've not experienced the particular suffering you describe in you headline, but I hope you can survive it and still find joy in the future.

I have been looking for a job for about 5 months now, and submitted dozens of applications, but no interviews yet. I have a lot of privileges that mean this is not as stressful to me as it could be, but I still feel incomplete and insecure without a job. In any case, I hope you find a job that values you.

Be well; do good.

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AntiBullyRanger 4 points a year ago

Like folks said 🧵, due to fascism, the 🇺🇲 is bleeding it's entire education department.

Open a gofundme or kofi, so we can help you emigrate elsewhere.
I’m in a similar position as yours, and teaching has been my vocation since birth too. But I’m not going to let these fascists win.
I’m right now making sandwiches for fascists, until my Belgian French is good enough to acquire a Visa. By then, I plan to make my ISP again, and remake my curricula there.
Never base your worth on monopsonists.
🫂

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wuphysics87 3 points a year ago

Because trans kids like my niece need role models. She began Kindergarten this week

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Kolanaki 3 points a year ago

Why the fuck shouldn’t I kill myself?

Seriously, give me a fucking reason.

Why should you die? They're the ones who suck!

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andros_rex 2 points a year ago

The people who suck control the world.

I can’t get a full time job. I have no health insurance.

I have zero family support; it’s easier to pretend that I don’t exist rather than acknowledge that my mother sexually abused me.

I’m just exhausted and burnt out.

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Squizzy 3 points a year ago

Not to pile on but that link isnt working. Leave that shithole country.

Not saying everywhere is accepting but that sesspool sure as shit is not.

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Aarrodri 3 points a year ago

"If I was gonna kill myself I would take some of the assholes with me at least".. what the term for this act? Radical activism?

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andros_rex 2 points a year ago

If I take out anyone else they’ll use that as an explanation. Fuck even if I just take out myself. I’m just so fucking sick of everything. I’m like a cockroach here, nothing I do is anything but a justification to treat me like I’m subhuman

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AntiBullyRanger 2 points a year ago

🫂

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93maddie94 3 points a year ago

Have you tried applying to schools that are near military bases? Find a place you would like to live/work and then see if there are openings. Schools near military bases are used to students and teachers being from out of state. They will be more versed in transferring your teaching certificate.

As the school year is starting there are more schools that have fewer applicants and they would rather have a permanent teacher rather than a long term sub. So keep applying. It’s probably worth an email to the principal after an application as well. You can explain that you will be relocating.

If all else fails do what you can to get into a school to meet the staff and students. Lunch monitor. Para/assistant. Substitute. Our school has hired multiple paraeducators and substitutes over the past few years to full time teaching positions because they already know our building, staff, and students. If you do that for a year it also gives you a chance to get your teaching certificate updated so that when you apply for a teaching position that’s one less problem for HR and makes you a better candidate.

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WorldsDumbestMan 1 point a year ago

The Kofi people are beautiful...I love that people like you exist!

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TimewornTraveler 1 point a year ago

Are you serious, you're asking for money??

If you're using suicidal threats as a weapon like this, are you sure you are emotionally matured enough to be teaching high school? Perhaps it was more about that than you being trans.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Ultimately what you do with your life is your choice, but if you expect to be a role model for kids, you have to be able to take these setbacks in stride.

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andros_rex 7 points a year ago

I’m not threatening suicide. I put up a link after people said they wanted to give me money.

I cannot take being unable to make rent in stride. I have been under three years of toxic stress. This is not the first time I have had a job offer explicitly rescinded because I was transgender. I am exhausted living in a state where I am treated like shit.

I know it was explicitly because I am trans because they cited Trumps executive order.

I taught high schoolers for years. I have been cussed out, I have been threatened. I worked with students in gangs. Sometimes I remember a name, look them up, and learn they died in a violent way. I have dealt with shit.

But this regime is targeting people like me, and it is fucking tiring. It is tiring living in a state where I have to hide who I am. It is tiring living in a place where people think I am inherently worth less because I am trans. Can you not understand why sometimes suicide would be appealing? When you dig change out of your center console for a jar of pasta sauce? Where you work three part time jobs, none of them giving you enough hours to thrive or healthcare? When you start rationing medication?

And then having this job dangled in front of me like a carrot, and then solely rescinded because I am transgender. Every one of my references said that the person on the other line was delighted about me, how eager they were. They had already asked me my shirt size, what I wanted my “code name” to be.

I turned down two other part time jobs and waited three weeks. And then this.

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TimewornTraveler 3 points a year ago

that's scary. thank you for explaining more... I don't know what i would do in your situation

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goodoffmychest

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goodoffmychest

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login for more options

RULES:

I am looking for mods!

1. The "good" part of our community means we are pro-empathy and anti-harassment. However, we don't intend to make this a "safe space" where everyone has to be a saint. Sh*t happens, and life is messy. That's why we get things off our chests.

2. Bigotry is not allowed. That includes racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and religiophobia. (If you want to vent about religion, that's fine; but religion is not inherently evil.)

3. Frustrated, venting, or angry posts are still welcome.

4. Posts and comments that bait, threaten, or incite harassment are not allowed.

5. If anyone offers mental, medical, or professional advice here, please remember to take it with a grain of salt. Seek out real professionals if needed.

6. Please put NSFW behind NSFW tags.

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