FBI Warns ICE Agents Not to Trust Any Woman Willing to Date Them
23 days ago by Sundray to c/nottheonion
FBI: Don't trust any woman who is willing to date an Ice agent. They may be trying to gain information.
Everyone else: Don't trust any woman who is willing to date an Ice agent. They have bad decision making skills
(Tradwives are conservative women who dress like the women in The Sound of Music, but without the opposition to the Anschluss.)
Can we just appreciate this sentence for a moment.
Yes, totally 🗡️
I mean uh how did that get there
whistles nonchalantly
Who’d want to bone a rapist-looking fella?
With the newly relaxed hiring standards at the FBI, the agents can now recommend greener pastures for dating.
Imagine being told "No woman will want to date you so anyone that says they are is just a cat fish."
Even if it isn't true, I wish them a very paranoid life.
"You guys are all terrible human beings with massive red flags, any woman showing interest must be taking advantage."
FBI trying to keep all the bitches to themselves.
And by bitches, I mean female dogs.
What a timeline.
This might be why. Specifically that last part about luring Nazis with pretence of "romantic encounters" to the woods, to be shot.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freddie_Oversteegen
Oversteegen, her sister, and friend Hannie Schaft worked to sabotage the Nazi military presence in the Netherlands.[5] They used dynamite to disable bridges and railroad tracks.[6] They also smuggled Jewish children out of the country or helped them escape concentration camps.[2]
The Oversteegens and Schaft also killed German soldiers, with Freddie being the first of the girls to kill a soldier by shooting him while riding her bicycle.[1][5] They also lured soldiers to the woods under the pretense of a romantic overture and then killed them.[1][5] Oversteegen would approach the soldiers in taverns and bars and ask them to "go for a stroll" in the forest.[2][5]
Not sure why they’re worried. If there’s one thing we’ve seen it’s that nowadays no one is willing to step up and be heroes like these ladies.
Translation: You're such unbelievable pieces of shit, if someone wants to date you, it's a trap.
Reminds me of that scene from X-2 when Mystique injects the stupid guard with iron pellets to help Magneto escape.
"Never trust a beautiful woman, especially one who's interested in you."
Unfortunately, ICE doesn't need women to be interested in them. They were caught on video making people blow them in port-a-potties in Minnesota in order for their victims to save themselves from deportation.
Now we know why they allowed animal abusers to join. You don't have to worry about being ratted out if your lover is a literal rat. You don't have to worry if your lover is a metaphorical snake if it's a literal one. You don't have to worry about being hounded for information if your lover is a literal hound.
Sounds like good advice for everyone
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@lemmy.world
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
Posts must be:
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
go to feed...
When you have to hide on the job because you are scared, everyone hates what you do, loathes what you stand for, and the FBI tells you that finding love will be difficult and not to trust it:
save