FBI Warns ICE Agents Not to Trust Any Woman Willing to Date Them

23 days ago by Sundray to c/nottheonion

ICE officers on dating apps should be wary of tradwives, an FBI memo suggested, as well as any woman whose profile would "appeal" to them.
danekrae 101 points 23 days ago

When you have to hide on the job because you are scared, everyone hates what you do, loathes what you stand for, and the FBI tells you that finding love will be difficult and not to trust it:

path: 0 25904530, hotness: undefined, score: 101, children: 0
D_C 81 points 23 days ago

FBI: Don't trust any woman who is willing to date an Ice agent. They may be trying to gain information.

Everyone else: Don't trust any woman who is willing to date an Ice agent. They have bad decision making skills

path: 0 25904651, hotness: undefined, score: 81, children: 3
jaybone 10 points 23 days ago

Yet somehow they defy natural selection. Darwin is spinning in his grave.

path: 0 25904651 25906370, hotness: undefined, score: 10, children: 2
Malica 2 points 23 days ago
path: 0 25904651 25906370 25914964, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
burido 0 points 23 days ago

That must be causing all the floods

path: 0 25904651 25906370 25911661, hotness: undefined, score: 0, children: 0
schipelblorp 37 points 23 days ago

(Tradwives are conservative women who dress like the women in The Sound of Music, but without the opposition to the Anschluss.)

Can we just appreciate this sentence for a moment.

path: 0 25908524, hotness: undefined, score: 37, children: 0
kalapala 37 points 23 days ago

But can they still can trust the men wanting to date them?

path: 0 25904379, hotness: undefined, score: 37, children: 1
wreckedcarzz 19 points 23 days ago

Yes, totally 🗡️

I mean uh how did that get there

whistles nonchalantly

path: 0 25904379 25904432, hotness: undefined, score: 19, children: 0
SuiXi3D 36 points 23 days ago

path: 0 25907040, hotness: undefined, score: 36, children: 1
heartSagan5 6 points 23 days ago

Who’d want to bone a rapist-looking fella?

path: 0 25907040 25911043, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
CalemitousVariantK 32 points 23 days ago

With the newly relaxed hiring standards at the FBI, the agents can now recommend greener pastures for dating.

path: 0 25911119, hotness: undefined, score: 32, children: 1
markstos 12 points 23 days ago

I see what you did there.

path: 0 25911119 25915039, hotness: undefined, score: 12, children: 0
LettyWhiterock 29 points 23 days ago

Imagine being told "No woman will want to date you so anyone that says they are is just a cat fish."

path: 0 25909741, hotness: undefined, score: 29, children: 1
CentipedeFarrier 12 points 23 days ago

Even if it isn't true, I wish them a very paranoid life.

path: 0 25909741 25911464, hotness: undefined, score: 12, children: 0
KillerWhale 28 points 23 days ago

"You guys are all terrible human beings with massive red flags, any woman showing interest must be taking advantage."

path: 0 25911864, hotness: undefined, score: 28, children: 1
Etterra 2 points 23 days ago

Or they're a plant by the CIA.

path: 0 25911864 25916723, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
jaybone 23 points 23 days ago

Being an ICE agent has to be the coolest thing going for these guys.

Not being able to score MAGA poon on FarmersOnly must be disappointing.

path: 0 25906328, hotness: undefined, score: 23, children: 0
schipelblorp 19 points 23 days ago

FBI trying to keep all the bitches to themselves.

And by bitches, I mean female dogs.

What a timeline.

path: 0 25908485, hotness: undefined, score: 19, children: 0
daannii 18 points 23 days ago

This might be why. Specifically that last part about luring Nazis with pretence of "romantic encounters" to the woods, to be shot.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freddie_Oversteegen

Oversteegen, her sister, and friend Hannie Schaft worked to sabotage the Nazi military presence in the Netherlands.[5] They used dynamite to disable bridges and railroad tracks.[6] They also smuggled Jewish children out of the country or helped them escape concentration camps.[2]

The Oversteegens and Schaft also killed German soldiers, with Freddie being the first of the girls to kill a soldier by shooting him while riding her bicycle.[1][5] They also lured soldiers to the woods under the pretense of a romantic overture and then killed them.[1][5] Oversteegen would approach the soldiers in taverns and bars and ask them to "go for a stroll" in the forest.[2][5]

path: 0 25911406, hotness: undefined, score: 18, children: 1
GuyFawkesV 3 points 22 days ago

Not sure why they’re worried. If there’s one thing we’ve seen it’s that nowadays no one is willing to step up and be heroes like these ladies.

path: 0 25911406 25924127, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
nothingcorporate 11 points 23 days ago

Translation: You're such unbelievable pieces of shit, if someone wants to date you, it's a trap.

path: 0 25908980, hotness: undefined, score: 11, children: 0
FlashMobOfOne 8 points 23 days ago

Reminds me of that scene from X-2 when Mystique injects the stupid guard with iron pellets to help Magneto escape.

"Never trust a beautiful woman, especially one who's interested in you."

Unfortunately, ICE doesn't need women to be interested in them. They were caught on video making people blow them in port-a-potties in Minnesota in order for their victims to save themselves from deportation.

path: 0 25909787, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 0
stoly 8 points 23 days ago

LOL that headline is such a good way to put it.

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mp3 8 points 23 days ago

FBI trying to 100% the ICE incels speedrun.

path: 0 25908686, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 1
sundray 3 points 23 days ago

☝️ 💯

path: 0 25908686 25913431, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
Jake_Farm 6 points 23 days ago

Afraid they will pull a Freddie Oversteegen?

path: 0 25904310, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
SourDragon 6 points 23 days ago

Now we know why they allowed animal abusers to join. You don't have to worry about being ratted out if your lover is a literal rat. You don't have to worry if your lover is a metaphorical snake if it's a literal one. You don't have to worry about being hounded for information if your lover is a literal hound.

path: 0 25908580, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
some_guy 5 points 23 days ago

"Hey there, sexy. I noticed you abuse brown people. Wanna fuck?"

path: 0 25906996, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
KarlHungus42 1 point 23 days ago

Sounds like good advice for everyone

path: 0 25906992, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
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